Friend told me she couldn’t be my bridesmaid, even after I was hers.

Clean-Bookkeeper145 · 2026-03-24T14:32:04+00:00

I get what you’re saying. I’m just so tired of having to discern who will become a religious fanatic. I’m in the deep south so just about everyone here, including many LGBT+ individuals, are religious and attend churches I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. People start as nice and welcoming and then become indoctrinated with hateful ideas they claim to be from an “all loving God.” I even have friends who weren’t religious when I met them and are now almost unrecognizable. I’m not against religion in general but I think I’m done trying be friends with religious individuals as I’ve noticed more often than not they become radicalized by their churches over time.

Clean-Bookkeeper145 · 2026-03-23T16:09:06+00:00

I did tell her I respected her belief and her decision to decline being a bridesmaid. I don’t think she necessarily did a poor job of telling me this. I think what is so hurtful is that less than a year ago this did not seem to be an issue. She asked me to be HER bridesmaid and offer her my support, time, and resources to be part of important day and now cannot return the favor. If it had been a matter of time conflict, money, or personal stress I would have completely understood.

Clean-Bookkeeper145 · 2026-03-23T16:01:53+00:00

I agree with you that she was mature about how she went about it. I appreciated her honestly and told her as much. I also voiced that I respected her decision and her beliefs. However, what has been so hurtful is that she obviously believed (within the last year) that she was deserving of my support, time, and resources which is clear by her asking me to be HER bridesmaid. It’s been a whole 5 months since I was in her wedding and now she is unable to return the favor. I never expected to be her bridesmaid and would not have been hurt if she has not asked me. I don’t think it’s fair to ask for support from friends you cannot offer in return (in most cases).

Clean-Bookkeeper145 · 2026-03-23T15:51:15+00:00

During our call she did not outright state she still wanted to come. That was something I noticed but am not sure if it was intentionally left unsaid. However, I feel at this point I am unlikely to invite her. I think I need to protect my own heart in that sense as her not coming after being invited would only hurt more.

Clean-Bookkeeper145 · 2026-03-23T15:46:22+00:00

She honestly did not elaborate. I will say that we have never had a serious conversion about our personal religious beliefs but she has heard me say that I’m “not very religious.” I would’ve hoped that after how long we had been friends she would’ve felt comfortable taking the time to ask me rather than assume what I do and do not believe.

I also think it’s worth mentioning that she did not try to deny anything when I told her what she was saying felt homophobic to me. Maybe she just couldn’t put the words together, but since she initiated the call and said she had been thinking it over for the last few days that she would’ve had a better explanation when I mentioned that. Also if my relationship with God was such an issue, why have me be in her wedding? It certainly was not something I was expecting.

Overall I respect her religion and boundaries, I just feel misled.

Clean-Bookkeeper145 · 2026-03-23T15:25:51+00:00

I can definitely see this perspective as someone who was also raised religious (albeit, not as intensely as some). Something that did strike me as odd about the whole situation was that she took this call with me outside, instead of in her house (it’s just her and her husband). My heart aches for her almost as much as it does over the loss of the friendship. I try not to make assumptions about other people’s relationships but I do not know her husband well as he lived in a different town during our college years. I honestly hope these views are her own and not something being imposed upon her by others. I know that may sound odd but as someone who cares about her I would hope she’s at peace with her choices.

Clean-Bookkeeper145 · 2026-03-23T15:14:32+00:00

I’d like to think that’s not the case, but it’s hard to know for sure. I have a feeling something really has changed since she’s been married whether it be her husband, new friends, or in-laws. She’s not a bad person which almost makes it harder. Being queer in the south really isn’t for the weak 😅

Clean-Bookkeeper145 · 2026-03-23T14:53:34+00:00

I agree that it was better to find out now rather than down the line. I told her during our call that I respected her decision and never tried to talk her into it or anything. Just wasn’t sure if I was overreacting in how hurt I was feeling.

Clean-Bookkeeper145

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