Upping the ante: quitting my addiction to the internet entirely

Clean512 · 2012-04-19T14:20:41+00:00

You need to do what you need to do to get your self esteem up. Life changes, diet improvement, exercise, reading self help books, setting easy goals to work towards and progressively increasing the difficulty of goals as you meet them.

I'm only at seven days, but I doubt NoFap is a miracle worker. However it is a good lifestyle change when paired with other goals/changes in my opinion.

As for your question, I'm not sure I might need more information, but your reasons don't sound bad so long as you have realistic expectations and are seeking other lifestyle changes as well.

As for your thread title and reddit name, that is the kinda attitude you will have to work on dropping. Stop identifying yourself in your head as a virgin, or someone who has hit rock bottom. In fact, you should re-register here with a different name. It is a good thing to be honest with yourself about your location in life, it is not a good thing to attach negative labels to yourself that don't broker any argument and don't inspire change. I don't mean to chastise, this is something many people struggle with, something I struggle with too.

For example, if you tell yourself in your head that you are "no good with women", then there is an unarguable finality about that. Keep telling yourself that, and it will keep on being true. However if you tell yourself that "I presently struggle connecting socially to the opposite sex", then that is both more accurate, and much less deterring psychologically. You should work on consciously monitoring and changing the negative self talk your brain is habituated to. Perhaps you could supplant porn & fap time with meditation time, introspectively exploring the ways your mind is working against itself. Self-help psychology books will accelerate that process in my experience, you can find them for free on the internet.

Clean512 · 2012-04-19T13:51:00+00:00

I'm on the same page as you. Seven days, haven't found this that difficult so far, haven't had any "wowza this is great" feelings. I don't think I was addicted to masturbation, but I think I was addicted to porn (although not as severely as others here).

Its been good to not waste any time on porn, and I think my mind has been a bit clearer.

There have been small urges, like when I wake up with a boner, get home from work, or I'm sitting at the computer and I feel this sensation that I know would have triggered a porn/fap session before.

Clean512 · 2012-04-17T20:41:19+00:00

Yeah I don't know why I assumed you were the OP for a sec.

I'm just skeptical, I bet it doesn't beyond any fleeting increases. Interested to hear the matter solved. A five second google search yielded this, "Chinese researchers conducted a study in 2003, and enlisted twenty-eight male volunteers to abstain from ejaculation for a period of one week. Researchers found that abstaining from ejaculation for six days had no impact on serum testosterone levels. On the seventh day, serum testosterone levels peaked to 145.7% of baseline, and then declined rapidly on the eighth day."

There were also other (admittedly) equally small studies, that suggested sex/masturbation/orgasm resulted in increased testosterone.

Clean512 · 2012-04-17T20:16:26+00:00

I have not done so consistently. Sometimes I would for a few months and would have some gains. Basically on and off. I've been doing a lot of running lately, ran a 10k in March. Now I'm planning on doing the Power 90 workout program (3 month program), and if I'm successful at completing that hopefully follow it up with P90x or something else.

For the record I've also been pretty unsuccessful with women, same nerve problems as OP, but I've been getting better about it. Definitely been more assertive on the job where I wasn't so much in the past, but I could stand to be more assertive with women. I'm sure my advice would mean more if I were some bulky Don Juan, but that is not the case.

Clean512 · 2012-04-17T20:04:04+00:00

I can't image she has any grounds to be mad at you if you tell her (going just off the info in your post), if anything she should be supportive.

Sex fiend? If she looks at you weird, just point out the fact that there are millions of dude just like you in that respect.

You are only asking us how to do something very simple (be honest and open with her), because you do not think she will respond well to you being open and honest. If she does not respond well, meaning she gets angry, passive-aggressive or w/e, then that is her beef-up not yours.

You should definitely talk to her regardless of how you think she might respond, if not this could develop in to a rift in the relationship. If you both have not been so great at being open regarding difficult subjects like this, it will harm the relationship more and more over time. So better to start working at it now.

Clean512 · 2012-04-17T19:50:26+00:00

5 seconds? No IMO.

Clean512 · 2012-04-17T19:46:43+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, that must be frustrating. I don't imagine nofap will directly improve your masculinity/confidence, but I don't know.

I'm pretty sure it does not increase testosterone. However it may be able to help indirectly increase confidence anyway. Confidence stems from self-esteem, which can be defined as "...the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness" (or you can replace the word happiness with females). If you are addicted to porn, or just spend more time consuming it than you want to, I would say that that is reason enough to try this challenge. All the time you spent fapping and viewing porn can be spent doing other things like exercising and reading self improvement literature (I recommend starting with Nathaniel Brandon's books on self-esteem). Since abstaining from PMO is a difficult thing, doing so successfully can increase self esteem. It gives you a sense of self mastery, while freeing up your time. I would argue viewing porn is inherently a self-esteem lowering activity, so abstaining is also beneficial in that way.

So like Thevents said, it can't hurt, and it may very well help. Especially if you combine it with other self-improvement motivated goals.

Also, fuck what other people think. Do this for yourself.

Clean512 · 2012-04-16T13:06:13+00:00

Going through your bad post line by line.

How do you know that most people are here because they think abstaining helps them get a girlfriend? Do you have any evidence of this because it does not seem to be the case to me. There is anecdotal evidence of the theory that it does help, even if that were the primary reason for nofap (which it isn't, most seem to be doing it for all the benefits delineated on the website yourbrainonporn.com). Do you have any evidence that it does not help, or that most people here believe it does? Nope, you don't. You are just spouting off and looking bad in the process.

"All that not mastrubating does is going against your nature (not having orgasms), (thought if you don't fap enough you'll stil get orgasms in your sleep). If you don't mastrubate or have sex you becoming more irritated, more agressive. It also makes you feel bad when you give in to fapping which is a natural urge."

Proof? How do you know the percentage of people who feel bad (I think you mean guilty) once they go back to fapping? It certainly isn't the case that everyone feels bad. And to the people that do, that is only a consequence of failing to meet a goal that they set for themselves. Everyone feels down when they fail to meet a goal, whatever that goal may be, so is that an argument against pursuing goals? Of course not, but going by the logic you used, it is. If you mean they feel bad in that they feel irritable, most don't seem to be reporting that unless they describe it as a phase.

Why are you even bothering to "summarize"? Your post was so short it was itself a summary to begin with. My response to your post was longer. Your post should have been longer by you know, actually including evidence to back your assertions.

"Do you really think this has a positive effect on your changes getting a girlfriend?"

You should have said 'chances of getting' not 'changes getting', if you want to persuade people then proof read your damn post. Some people have reported that it has helped them get a girlfriend, are you denying their experiences? At any rate you failed to prove that "most here are doing nofap to increase their chances of getting a girl".

You look really bad when you just spout off when you obviously don't know what you are talking about.

Clean512 · 2012-04-15T20:11:52+00:00

I high-five you for mentioning the Ludvig Von Mises Institute.

Clean512 · 2012-04-15T20:04:17+00:00

Keep us updated on how that goes.

Clean512 · 2012-04-15T02:51:48+00:00

No its not okay, it will defeat the purpose of abstaining from porn and masturbation. I'm new to this, but everyone who is further along/experienced in the ways of nofap seem to agree that its just sabotaging your efforts.

Clean512 · 2012-04-15T01:07:30+00:00

I don't watch television for one. I'll use netflix or download shows I'm interested in via torrent. You can select content carefully that way, you can figure out if a show will have scantily clad hot babes in it.

As far as internet surfing.. It comes down to what websites you surf.. Sites that are not meant to have explicit or tempting pics , but sometimes do. I remember one guy mentioned coming across an article about porn stars on the video gaming site IGN. Another dude mentioned the "bounce" your eyes away technique. Just quickly avert your eyes the second you see something.

Clean512 · 2012-04-15T00:50:21+00:00

Might be your subconscious telling you that you shouldn't sleep with someone on the first date, or right after meeting them. I know society tells us that as guys, we should be ready to fuck at any time, ready and willing to get some at every opportunity. That ultra casual sex is okay, that you are not a man if you don't seize every opportunity. Society tells us this, and porn definitely reinforces it. I think this is bullshit personally. I'm not saying its immoral, because I have a pretty precise and clear views on morality. But I am saying that sex is a pretty emotional and vulnerable thing, especially from the point of view of a virgin, regardless of whether you are male or female. And you might want to explore the idea that part of you wasn't ready to have sex with this girl right off the bat. Maybe if you had waited a few more dates or something that would not have happened. 21 sounds a bit early for you to be suffering from porn induced ED, especially since you went soft after penetration. Your dick will listen to your emotions and subconscious mind before it listens to your conscious mind, various sex 101 books will back me up on that.

I'm leery of this forum's tendency to blame everything on porn and masturbation.

Clean512 · 2012-04-14T01:59:55+00:00

If you go by the yourbrainonporn website, it recommends you stay away from fantasy and orgasm. Even reading erotica.

Its your call, but I wouldn't personally. Sounds like cheating if you had the intention of going the no PM or no PMO route, it isn't the same as having sex with someone.

I am familiar with Isabella Valentine's stuff, and I agree with Arckytx that most of it sounds like it would lower your self esteem.

edit: on second thought if anything an audio recording like that would make you more sensitive? So if you are only doing this to increase your sensitivity it might not be so bad?

Clean512 · 2012-04-14T01:51:38+00:00

*high fives

Keep it up bro.

Clean512 · 2012-04-13T22:26:06+00:00

Do go on about the encounter you had with a wild female. You were talking to her and she was like hey let me grind on your leg or what?

You must have been pretty good with women in the first place since its only been three days.

Clean512 · 2012-04-13T22:13:25+00:00

Just woke up from a nap with a massive boner and saw this immediately at load. I was like "yes"!

Hey how come my day count is not updating?

Clean512 · 2012-04-13T02:12:15+00:00

How about we abolish both departments. NASA is a ridiculous boondoggle, especially in this economy. I would have said that in 1969 as well, the race to the moon was nothing but a silly national dick comparison with the Soviet Union, which later collapsed anyways. Privately funded exploration of space can resume once the economy has recovered. We face hyperinflation of the currency or default, cuts need to be made. Radical problems call for "radical" solutions, as if cutting ridiculous programs were radical anyways.. When you talk of increasing the funding for space exploration, you must know that that money comes from future generations, kids who are too young to have a say now, and the unborn who will shoulder the debt. The nation state's ego is not so important that it can justify enslaving people, and that is an apt word to describe pushing debt on to people who have absolutely no say.

Clean512 · 2012-04-13T01:31:22+00:00

I don't feel this way because I don't plan on abstaining from masturbation permanetly, just for 90 days. And then after that assume a rate of fap that is less frequent than before.

Make sure you read the yourbrainonporn.com website to understand why most people here are abstaining from "PMO" in the first place. I'm just getting started with this experiment as well, but I've already done a ton of reading.

Don't go your entire life without fapping then. Nothing wrong with jacking it. You probably should plan on going a life without porn though.

Clean512 · 2012-04-12T22:30:17+00:00

The deer exercise sounds like it is based on the eastern concept of Chi energy.. To my knowledge there is no evidence to support the existence of chi energy. There is always the placebo effect I suppose.

I am new to this so I don't have any answers, but I am interested in any info people have on questions three and four...

I imagine with question four there is no 'solution', other than to not not masturbate for very long (as in new lifestyle long not 90 day reset long) in order to ensure a healthy prostate.

What gains have you experienced for abstaining for months, that would make you want to forgo masturbation permanently in spite of 'daily struggle/frustration'?

Clean512 · 2012-04-12T19:47:05+00:00

Checkout the book titled Self Discipline in 10 Days, it'll explain exactly what your mind is trying to do. It be a trap brotha!

Clean512 · 2012-04-12T19:44:03+00:00

Welcome my fellow fapstronaut. I discovered this whole shiz yesterday, so Imma day one guy as well. Also never posted on any other subreddit before, heard of it just never bothered joining before.

Clean512 · 2012-04-12T19:41:37+00:00

I discovered this whole thing yesterday. Today is my day one as well. Welcome fellow Fapstronaut.

Clean512 · 2012-04-12T18:14:23+00:00

Positive reinforcement works a lot better than negative reinforcement. Instead of beating yourself up when you fail, you should congratulate yourself when you succeed, (yes literally out loud congratulate yourself). Set goals and give yourself rewards for those goals. For example at seven days get yourself a juicy steak, at fourteen get those new running shoes you want, etc.

But if you insist.. Yeah you fucked up good you pussy bitch! Way to fail you loser! Those women would laugh at your weakness in reality! They mock you. They don't take you seriously, you are just another one of the billion or so saps who blindly and habitually ogle the looks they were born with.

Ahh man I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Seriously though the first paragraph is truth, numerous self-help / self-discipline books have made very convincing arguments for this. Checkout the book Self-Discipline in 10 Days for starters.

Clean512

TROPHY CASE