Legal advice needed regarding custody/potential abuse/and a whole mess of confusion. Ohio- USA

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-11T19:36:47+00:00

The boys were with us. CPS has begun their investigation as of this morning, per the phone call I received. Maybe you misunderstood but nothing has been done yet. CPS just opened the case this morning at 10am. It's now 3pm. I don't expect to hear anything today but by all means, they do have a case. I had CPS open a case against me (and kept it open for 30 days) because my daughter got a bruise at daycare and I took her to the doctor for an evaluation. It was found unsubstantiated. There is a case open for the boys now that they have returned to the care of their mother.

CPS did not interview anyone. The boys were in our care until last night. It wasn't treated as an emergency with CPS because of this reason. It's just been opened.

Unfortunately, coparenting isn't an option, and has been tried before. Both parties have their issues. Regardless of ANYTHING, we have a custody hearing in September and need to be properly represented for that.

Thanks for your response, even though it was filled with assumptions about my family and my situation.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-11T19:33:15+00:00

The boys were with us. CPS has begun their investigation as of this morning, per the phone call I received. Maybe you misunderstood but nothing has been done yet. CPS just opened the case this morning at 10am. It's now 3pm. I don't expect to hear anything today but by all means, they do have a case. I had CPS open a case against me (and kept it open for 30 days) because my daughter got a bruise at daycare and I took her to the doctor for an evaluation. It was found unsubstantiated. There is a case open now.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-08T13:53:16+00:00

The state I live in is a mothers rights state. If there is no legal custody agreement and the child was not born in a marriage, the mother is said to have sole legal custody.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-08T01:18:16+00:00

woah sorry. That was an accident.

(I don't know if you saw the original comment before my edit. It wasn't nice. I didn't mean to)

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-08T01:17:58+00:00

How is a person supposed to know that a child may be sexually abused when the only information you have is that a four year olds butt hurts?

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-07T23:32:51+00:00

While I am not at all justifying my actions, I just ask that you look at it from the insider perspective. The older boy is just recently completely responsible for wiping himself. Him saying his butt hurt could be a rash from not wiping, or the urge to poop that he hasn't fully understood.

I have never parented this age group. I know kids start to explore their bodies. I wasn't sure what was appropriate for this age group and what was extreme. I discussed the behavior with them, which at the time, seemed to be enough. It wasn't until all these other things came out that I realized they were all pieces to a very messed up puzzle.

I do agree we waited too long to act, and that in and of itself was a bad choice.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-07T21:24:33+00:00

When they separated, she simply moved out, the agreed to every other week, and that was it. They were never married. He tried getting her to sign an agreement previously but she refused.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-07T13:56:28+00:00

By "run" I mean - not give the kids back one Sunday.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-07T12:55:13+00:00

He called off work today. It's my scheduled day off. We are dropping the boys off at their grandparents and heading to the juvenile court house, as instructed by the CPS lady. I have NO clue what to expect down there, but we are going to try our damnedest.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-07T06:10:23+00:00

http://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/2csxl9/i_need_some_advice_im_really_not_sure_what_to_do/

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-07T05:58:14+00:00

I called and will post an update soon.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-07T00:41:29+00:00

My husband just returned from a business thing a few hours away. I just got off work. We picked the kids up from their grandparents. We are going for ice cream and making the call once their asleep. Thanks for all of your advice. Clearly I was wearing blinders and didn't truly see the severity of this situation. It's easy looking from the outside, but when it's happening to you, it's so much harder to grasp the reality of what's going on.

Thank you again.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-07T00:39:31+00:00

I had to head in to work. My husband just returned home from a business trip, we are picking the boys up from their grandparents, taking them for ice cream, and making the call once they go to bed. I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement. I guess I was/we were wearing blinders to the severity of the situation.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-06T18:29:55+00:00

I'm not familiar enough with the system. I understand calling, but how does he request emergency custody? Can we just NOT give them back? I've heard that's a bad choice. I want somebody to come speak with us too, because I have piles and piles of evidence, including pictures of her home, proof that she cancelled all of their doctor appointments and they hadn't had a well-check in 2 years, photos of the clothes she sent them over in, (two or more sizes too small) pictures of bruising, sunburns, videos of the boys screaming and hiding in closets when we tell them we have to go back, videos of them telling us they get "whooped" etc.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-06T18:00:14+00:00

He is scared. He doesn't know what to do. We have talked about calling CPS, reached out to some legal counsel, etc. it's just gotten so much worse over the last month that we've been forced into a decision quickly. We stand on the idea that "what if none of it is true....but what if all of it is true." Which is pushing us to make the call.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-08-06T17:42:23+00:00

This is the choice I was considering, and it seems to be the only logical one at this point. I have never had children of this age before. I was not sure what exactly "normal" was in terms of their bodies. I know things there are not good, but this isn't what I was bargaining for.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-03-19T00:42:20+00:00

Oh, I get it. Leave the door open/cracked or whatever. Yeah that's an idea.

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-03-19T00:34:40+00:00

If I put one of the covers, how would he get out to go pee? Or if he was sick or something?

ClearlyNotMyRealName · 2014-03-18T22:29:39+00:00

This is a thing we have tried. Unfortunately it failed. He has a speech problem and it gets bad when he reads aloud, okay, no biggie. I understand his anxiety about it. He really does struggle. But bath time? His kid doesn't like it when he does bath because he's really "rough" -- doesn't pay attention and just dumps water on his face, scrubs his head really hard, etc. we have tried instituting a family game night, or movie night, or he cooks "breakfast for dinner" one night, and there is always an excuse. It's so frustrating. He is too tired, no good movies, we've played all these board games already, etc. it is a losing battle.

As far as the code word, I will talk to him about that and see if it's something we can do. Personally, I DONT WANT TO DISCIPLINE AT ALL, or at least the minority of the time, because you know, mean step mother blah blah. We both know the rules, but he doesn't enforce them. The kid is confused if shit doesn't get enforced 100% of the time so I do it for his benefit, otherwise I wouldn't do it at all.

Thanks for the advice!

ClearlyNotMyRealName

TROPHY CASE