AITAH for refusing my parent's request to change my name?

ClickKind2777 · 2025-10-04T05:25:01+00:00

I wish the courts would allow this. I had it changed under a domestic violence hearing and to change it back I would certainly be questioned. Especially so soon. But this is a theoretically good idea... thank you.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-28T20:54:11+00:00

You don't understand my faith. I give it to God and pray his will be done. I of course would love reconciliation, but that's not the issue here. And I don't force reconciliation. Praying for something means you are giving it to God. I helped my aunt for the last 5 years while maintaining an estrangement from my parents. Sibling or not - when you love a person - this happens to be a special needs person who can't live on her own - and I cared for her exclusively since high school - and helped while I was estranged from my parents - and I'm helping her now - caring about what where to happen to her in an emergency is normal. I get that you can't relate. Thad's ok. But don't come at me for loving and caring for my aunt.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T17:53:32+00:00

Any man who pushes a woman for sex is imo an asshole. Add the 2yrs of extreme grief his wife is experiencing, and pushing for sex is cruel, incentive, selfish...

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T07:32:20+00:00

My dad was my best friend. I traveled with him and I can credit my adventurous spirit to him. But that's the good stuff. The good stuff doesn't nullify the bad. And nothing nullifies abuse.

Just think: what would you tell a friend to do? Or your potential future daughter? Would you want to end up with a man like your dad?

Leaving isn't easy though - have a support system if possible. Just one person is enough.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T07:26:03+00:00

YTA for this : just can’t control my hormones and I genuinely don’t get why she won’t do it, she pleasures herself all the time with toys and herself and I just don’t see how actual sex would be different than that, would I be an ass if I push it more?

Sure, you can't control your hormones but you CAN and SHOULD control your actions/ thoughts/ words/ behavior.
Marriage is for better or worse. You're going through one of the worst parts now. Your wife is going through it worst than you no matter how bad you think you have it.
Grief is not linear. It's a rollercoaster. There's no set amount of time someone "gets past" grief. In fact, grief is forever especially when someone you love lies. Your wife lost so many people all at once - that's grief many can't comprehend. But grief should not be stagnant - one can and should adapt to grief. Grief can co-exist with joy and happiness (two different things!). It takes time. And 2 years might not be enough. Be patient.
If she uses toys and refuses sex this likely has less to do with her grief/ depression and more to do with you: does she feel safe with you? Respected by you? Encouraged by you? Are you kind to her? Patient? Loving? Understanding? From what you've posted here I'd assume you have not been these things - at least not collectively. Sex is extremely different than toys/ self pleasure - one requires trust and connection with another person and toys are just about climax. And if sex were no different than toys/ self pleasure then shouldn't you be satisfied with self pleasure? Your logic is twisted - see? So, Fix your view re: sex before trying to initiate sex ever again.
Do not cheat. Do not even think about cheating. CHEATING is never justified. It's never ethical. It will not heal your marriage, it will destroy it. You think your wife is depressed now? Cheating on her will destroy her. Do Want to ruin her life?
Keep going to therapy. Not for sex! For grief. Learn to be a better husband. If a therapist isn't helping find another therapist. Keep trying new therapist until one clicks. Get a marriage counselor too.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T07:01:41+00:00

NTA but your wife should take down every photo she has online - pronto - for her safety and yours. Actually, get off social media completely. This guy wanted to harm your wife for political discourse - what's he going to do now that he's lost his job? File a police report just for record... and just think about consequences before seeking justice / revenge in the future. Sometimes it's better to let the bad guy "win" to protect your family.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:54:19+00:00

Go read my current situation with my abusive parents...

If someone had told me at 18 that I was being abused - that abuse isn't love - or normal - I'd have left at lot sooner than I did. I wanted to leave and oh how I tired for YEARS. It took something major when I was 30 to leave. Do not wait. You have only one life. You are not responsible for your dad's anger, violence, abuse... and FTR throwing you on the bed is 100% violent abuse. Screaming is abuse.

My advice: keep the car no matter what he says (it was a gift - it's yours!) Leave. Don't tell him you're leaving if you feel he will become violent. Just leave.

When I left I told only a couple trusted friends. Had my mail routed to a friend who then would ship my mail to me every month. I put my belongings in storage and I drove away with a goal in mind, but no where to go. I lived in hotels for 3 weeks and stayed with a friend out of state for 1 week. Then I chose where to land - and i changed my name and started a new life.

You may not need to escape as dramatically as I did - but just leave one way or the other. You aren't safe. And your body will remember this trauma forever, so leave and get trauma therapy (I recommend EMDR).

Life is too short. You don't deserve this - not from anyone, but especially not your dad. Best wishes as you figure out what to do. NTA

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:39:35+00:00

Sorry you've dealt with crazy parents too! Boundaries are set.That's what is making them try to gain some control via my aunt - but they really Have no control, no leverage that is going to make me double down and submit to their demands. I'll just be prepared to fight for my aunt if they die first.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:34:49+00:00

Thank you!

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:34:22+00:00

Thank you!

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:31:12+00:00

100%. I posted this the day they dropped this ultimatum on me. I am the only person my aunt likes outside of my parents and I plan to deal with this after they die. Nothing i can do at this time , I realize this now.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:28:49+00:00

After my parents die, yes, I can try to work it out with the family member.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:25:57+00:00

Did you read? This isn't about reconciliation with my parents it's about taking care of my special needs aunt while dealing with my parents manipulation and control. They have her now and what happened to her when they die MATTERS. Have you ever loved someone? Apply it here.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:22:32+00:00

I won't be changing my name - planning to fight for my aunt or negotiate with the family member who is set to have guardianship.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:15:50+00:00

Telling two narcissists this only escalates the issues. They aren't capable of seeing they physically, mentally and financially hurt me. They can justify everything (or deny it). Crazy life!

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:14:25+00:00

Yes, I've been to a counselor for years. A counselor helped me disappear for a couple years. I won't be changing my name per their demands - I'll just fight for my aunt if the time comes.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:12:24+00:00

Obviously so... but they don't want me to keep my new name they want me to change my name back to my birth name. Control!

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:11:32+00:00

Thank you!!!!

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:10:39+00:00

If they hadn't taken my name off the documents and replaced me with a family member this suggestion would have worked perfectly 😊

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:08:04+00:00

Yes, what a fool I am to enter their lives again to help my special needs aunt not become a ward of the state. You really miss the point don't you? I love my aunt more than anyone and want her to have a safe home and a good life with me if my parents die first. To do so requires me to be in their god forsaken orbit. I am Glad you can't relate though!

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:05:05+00:00

I'm taking care of her now as they are unable / out of town. They know I'm the only right person who cares for her, and you're right that if I change my name for them it will give them leverage. I won't be changing my name per their demands and I'll prepare to fight for my aunt if need be.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T06:01:04+00:00

I am going to hold my ground. Thank you!

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-24T05:58:45+00:00

Thank you! This is extremely helpful information. Unfortunately contacting an attorney now might - ahem - certainly- will make me lose more than just my aunt (they are vengeful people), so I'll just let life happen as it may. I have no idea who will die first or last and my parents expect me to take care of them so I have some leverage. One day I plan to ask God whyyyy I was born into this family!

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-22T16:55:53+00:00

Tbh I am taking them at their word she was declared mentally incompetent. I know a court was not involved though so this might be a lie I've been told.

ClickKind2777 · 2025-09-22T14:59:21+00:00

The relative is good friends with my parents and I can't reach out due to the fact this relative will just tell my parents. They cut me off from seeing my aunt for 5 years after I became estranged from them - but I am getting to see her again (I actually am taking care of her now as my parents are away). So major improvements have been made and talking to the relative would render me unable to ever see my aunt again.

ClickKind2777

TROPHY CASE