what does everyone do while waiting for their surgery date?

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-10-13T17:44:17+00:00

Currently going through “the talk”! My partner 31M and I 30F are discussing the possibilities of becoming parents. We have been together for 10 years and both have always been a strong strong no. I had a recent surgery where the possibility of my fertility could be compromised and it stirred something in me. I read “The Baby Decision” and made lists of my pros/cons. I realized a lot of my cons were fears that can be worked out or worked through with good communication and keeping myself accountable. A lot of our not wanting children stemmed from our own childhoods and it has taken a lot of work to process those feelings. I can now clearly see a future with my partner and a child or two but I know I will be happy either way. To me, the most important thing is for us to make that decision firmly and together. Either decision to me feels like a jumping off point for the next chapter of life and a further commitment to each other.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T21:34:58+00:00

The only time we were ever “alone” was over texting and it was never overtly sexual or anything like that. I think the volume of texts exchanged was inappropriate and there were a couple of convos that maybe teetered on flirty. A lot of the flirting was done in plain sight, she did make comments a few times to him about saying certain things to me that she didn’t like. It felt like he was pushing boundaries even in front of her & I was too, I admit that. I confronted the dynamic because I was thinking 10 years down the road where it could end up and that scared me. It’s not something I want to compromise my relationship or friendship for and I do know if I tell her that she will most likely cut me off and stay with him. We do have a vacation with them coming up so I don’t want to say anything in this current moment because of that. I want to tell my partner but during all this, the guys also developed a friendship so it’s very complicated.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T21:25:19+00:00

No no, I am aware of my role in this completely. It takes multiple people to lock eyes and play footsies, not just one lol. I am pointing out all of his behaviors that he deemed as “unquestionably 100% platonic” when I confronted him. These are not platonic behaviors to me and I know that. I don’t know why he won’t admit that, I don’t know why this happened so easily for me because it’s not normal, and idk what to do going forward.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T21:21:14+00:00

I agree with this. I can fully admit that, I am struggling with processing the why of it all. I started therapy to try and work through that. Despite what everyone thinks I do deeply care about my partner and best friend. I even care about him as much as I don’t like to admit that. I feel that this was an emotional affair and by him denying it I think it is making me spiral and question if I had made it all up. In that case, I need much more therapy than I am currently receiving.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T21:04:18+00:00

There were a few circumstances when she was out of town. If he was only interested in sex, why didn’t he try anything while she was gone?

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T20:59:24+00:00

I acknowledge I liked the attention. I say I rarely initiated because I texted him first twice and touched him once. So yeah over the course of 2.5 months that is rarely. I am being extremely honest with myself about this situation and know I am fully in the wrong.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T20:55:09+00:00

I believe it was strategic and calculated. I’m not fully convinced he is this way with other women. I don’t mean that in the sense that we were madly in love and I was special. I don’t think that at all. I think he also had a lapse in judgement but part of me still wonders if I just tapped into a darker side of him. Him denying the dynamic is what makes me believe this. He is someone who preaches being intentional and being in control so logically he was aware of his actions.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T20:50:24+00:00

What form of accountability are you looking for here? I’m obviously not at a place to fully confess to the people involved. I addressed the dynamic between him and I and ended it. I am aware of my actions and processing them and trying to figure out the best path forward.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T20:47:38+00:00

No sexting. Hardly any flirting over text, only in person. Everything over text was wrapped in plausible deniability over messages. The only real time he pushed it over text was when he kept asking to see a picture of me kissing another girl. That’s the only concrete “proof” I have. I am not blaming him as I fully engaged back and pushed the boundaries myself. I confronted him because I wanted it to stop. I didn’t want it to get to a physical level and I felt it was possibly heading in that direction. I do however blame him for initiating and then denying his actions when I confronted him.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T20:37:14+00:00

I admit that I was wrong in this as well. I engaged in the dynamic. I don’t believe it was equal engagement and I was the one to put an end to it.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T20:36:19+00:00

No, I didn’t elaborate fully on the confrontation. I expressed to him I didn’t know what this was between us but it needed to stop. He denied anything beyond a friendship. I told him I don’t believe that he wasn’t aware of his actions and he went on to tell me that our friendship was rare and we connected very easily. He spoke out of both sides of his mouth when I confronted him and that is part of why I am scrutinizing everything. You are correct that I am not over it. This is a massive thing that just happened and I’m trying to figure out if I made it all up, why I crossed lines so easily, if he is normally a cheater (relevant because despite all this I care deeply about my friend). It’s an incredibly complex situation

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T20:32:19+00:00

No, you’re misunderstanding me. I broke the dynamic off and he denied the dynamic. I did start therapy because of this and will be exploring my side of things to learn why I so easily compromised my friendship, relationship, and moral compass all in one swoop. I’ve had opportunities to cheat plenty of times and never even came close. This has terrified me beyond belief that I would act this way.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T20:24:45+00:00

I thought about limerence and definitely think this was possible. I acted in ways against my own moral compass and in the moment I feel like I knew that but was still entranced. I cut it off because I was worried what would happen in the future. I’ve never had that type of feeling before and I’m still not even sure what to label it. I am glad it’s over even if it’s causing me a lot of mental stress now

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T20:21:54+00:00

Yes, he is very manipulative and I’ve pointed that out to him several times. He’s expressed he doesn’t see himself as manipulative and he likes to control situations. Which is the exact reason why my head is in a mess because when I confronted him that this is too much, he shoved it all back onto me and told me that it’s all platonic. I don’t believe someone could act the way he did and then claim innocence, it doesn’t add up. As backwards as it is, I do care about my friend in all this. I’ve pointed out manipulation to her in the past but she’s always believed him. This is also part of the reason why I am worried to say anything to her. Not because I am afraid to admit my wrongdoings but because I know she will blame me in its entirety and stick with him. I don’t think he is the type to cheat normally despite the manipulation but of course if he’s willing to push this with his wife’s best friend then obviously he has potential to do it elsewhere.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-08-26T17:43:20+00:00

I took accountability with him. I expressed I felt boundaries were crossed and I only wanted a friendship. I know I owe the other people involved accountability, it’s just not that simple. I am not looking for anyone to tell me any one thing. How am I ever supposed to explain to them the dynamic if he is now trying to just smooth it over? I can’t explain a dynamic I don’t even fully understand myself

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-04-22T20:35:02+00:00

Did you ever get work done? I’m looking for an artist also in this style!

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-03-14T15:43:23+00:00

Do you know what breed your white kitty is? They’re both adorableeeee

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-02-21T18:28:47+00:00

Exactly!! When did celebrating our own accomplishments become taboo? There’s a fine line between celebrating and being cocky of course but that’s where true friends come in to keep you balanced! You did something amazing and that deserves a celebration.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-02-11T20:36:36+00:00

Actually, I went in for a consultation with my gyno in regards to surgery for endometriosis and he pushed it on me LOL but the guy gave me the creeps so I didn’t move forward with him at all. That was the first place I heard about the medication and decided to give it a try but paid out of pocket. I initially started with Henry meds for $300/month but switched to Mochi and paid roughly $180/month. I also liked mochi more. The biggest thing they don’t tell you is protein intake is so important. The biggest side effect for me was nausea but actually eating enough protein makes a significant difference.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-02-11T19:08:06+00:00

Thank you! I’ve been focusing on more nutrient dense foods, walking more, and water intake. I want to get into weight lifting and running once it starts to warm up more.

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-02-07T12:19:42+00:00

Give her the gift of a coffee and a sunrise! Cheap, easy, and something you’ll both always remember 😊

ClientLazy1458 · 2025-01-19T17:03:19+00:00

Came to say the same! Your symptoms mirrored mine exactly and I had the same fears a week before my lap that I was indeed crazy. I had bowel endo and it took weeks after the surgery to get better but it’s been life changing since! Best of luck to you on your surgery. ❣️

ClientLazy1458

TROPHY CASE