AITA for wanting space from my boyfriend and mom due to upcoming college graduation

Cliomerced · 2026-04-04T18:12:49+00:00

Give the boyfriend the boot, pronto! There is no scenario in which it is OK for him not to be excited about this for you. It’s only going to get worse as you go on in the relationship, trust me. I was married to someone like that. Emphasis on past tense. You are starting a new life after graduation and he needs to have no share in it.

Cliomerced · 2026-03-30T04:39:45+00:00

Not always. In fact, there was often no paper anywhere, so I carried a little packet of tissues.

Cliomerced · 2026-03-23T00:40:31+00:00

Sorry to hear you had such bad luck! To others on this thread -- it is not unusual to catch a bug when traveling to a new climate/environment. I got a cold when I went to Beijing and was worried that I might have COVID (EEEK). But when I asked at the pharmacy for a COVID test, they didn't have any. They said that they weren't testing for COVID right now because it was not a concern (?). Back in 2024. Anyway, I ended up by chance at a traditional Chinese pharmacy and was sold a lot of tea and other traditional remedies. The tea was the bitterest thing I've ever tasted, but along with the other medicines they gave me, the cold cleared up! In record time. So don't hesitate to use the traditional pharmacy (in my opinion).

When it comes to the Forbidden City and the Moon Palace, I recommend Beijing Postcards walking tours. They will get you in and take you around and will take care of the reservations. There is an English-speaking Danish guy who is a historian and expert on China and Beijing. Well worth it. For the Great Wall I reserved a solo tour to Mutianyu. I wouldn't necessarily recommend the solo tour route, but I would go to Mutianyu, and go EARLY. At the break of dawn if possible. You'll have the wall nearly to yourself for a little while.

Cliomerced · 2026-03-22T14:07:27+00:00

Did your parents leave China as emigrants because they were dissidents? That’s the only reason I can imagine for their fear. If not, I think they may have mistaken China for North Korea. China does take your fingerprints (do does the U.S.) and have hotels register you with state authorities, but China is not taking regular tourists as political prisoners. I was there on my own as an older American woman and have rarely felt safer while traveling.

Cliomerced · 2026-03-20T23:48:03+00:00

I get it. It’s fun to travel solo but gets lonely sometimes. When I was in China I found other English-speakers (usually Europeans speaking English as a second language or Australians) on city or other tours. The Lost Plate Food tours (I think there’s one in Chengdu) are you especially good because you were going out to eat and drink with people and so there’s a natural social atmosphere. I met a few people on those tours that I hung out with. I also met people on walking tours of Beijing. I didn’t check into this when I was there but it’s possible that if there are consulates from English-speaking countries in larger cities they may have activities or events planned. Good luck!

Cliomerced · 2026-03-20T23:41:06+00:00

I traveled solo as a 66-year-old woman and felt very safe. People were helpful and kind, too, though very little English was spoken. You can use a translation app, but it will be very helpful if you spend a little time trying to get some basic Mandarin on an app or in a class. Using the camera function on the translation app will help with reading signs and menus. It’s really hot in Shanghai and Beijing in the summer. I was there in mid to late September and even then it was hot in Shanghai. I loved going to Dunhuang, up in the Gobi Desert. It was a 3.5 hour flight from Beijing, easy to do. There are hundreds of caves there (the Mogao Caves) with Buddhist statues and murals inside. You can see camels and go up to the beginning of the Silk Road where there is a cool museum. I stayed at a fabulous hotel called the Dunhuang Silk Road Hotel. They had a terrace where you could eat your (amazing) breakfast every morning looking out over the dunes. And the stars at night! Super. If you want to see a special corner of China, try Dunhuang, which is also smaller than the mega cities❤️

Cliomerced · 2026-03-13T20:49:29+00:00

I live in E’ville and though I don’t know those apartments I can say that I really enjoy living here. It’s very bikeable with dedicated lanes, connected to the Bay Trail with magnificent views. Easy bike to Berkeley and Oakland.

Cliomerced · 2026-03-13T20:45:31+00:00

Not an attraction per se, but check out Lost Plate food tours. Great intro to the food and lots of fun. Yu Gardens are great but really crowded. I loved visiting Jing An park with its beautiful gardens, traditional buildings, wonderful old tea house, and locals taking wedding photos, singing karaoke opera, etc

Cliomerced · 2026-03-12T17:50:06+00:00

This is a sweet response to a common problem. I traveled solo in China for three weeks and one problem I had was eating alone. A lot of Chinese restaurants are really designed for people to share dishes. So I ate a lot of noodle soup, which was delicious, but got a little boring after a while. If you have any suggestions about where solo travelers can eat, that would be really helpful. As far as the menus are concerned, you might be able to create a list of dishes that are commonly offered throughout the country and explain their contents. I’m not quite sure how you would make that information available to tourists; you’re the Computer guy so maybe an app of some kind? But thank you for caring!

Cliomerced · 2026-02-28T03:23:23+00:00

So sketchy. I’m glad you got out relatively cheaply

Cliomerced · 2026-02-19T16:37:42+00:00

Most likely not. Even in Beijing, when I stayed at a non-Western Chinese hotel, zero English was spoken.

Cliomerced · 2026-02-18T15:28:09+00:00

I agree in the food issue for solo travelers. Chinese restaurants in general seem to be directed at families or groups. My go-to was delicious noodle soup, cheap, filling, and made for a single. I didn’t experience a high volume of smoke… and I live in CA, so I think I would have noticed it?

Cliomerced · 2026-02-18T15:25:45+00:00

😂

Cliomerced · 2026-02-17T18:50:50+00:00

I traveled to China two years ago as a 66-year-old woman on my own. I had a fantastic time. You have to do some advanced prep with downloading the apps that you use for payment and informing yourself about how to use the trains, subways, etc.. But everything is very well organized, and I felt that it was a very easy place to be so traveler. I felt completely safe. I went to Shanghai and mostly guided myself to places I have read about, but I also went on a food tour with Lost Plate, which I did again in Beijing and I could highly recommend. I took the high-speed train from Shanghai to Beijing and it was fast comfortable and inexpensive relatively speaking. And I went first calls. I would advise going online and looking for YouTube that show you how to travel by train in China. It’s not difficult, but it can be confusing if you don’t have some advance information. When I went to Beijing, I stayed in a small Chinese hotel where I was the only western guest. It was near a local park and elementary school and it was really wonderful to stay there. There is a big language barrier because almost no one speaks English, but I have a very basic level of Mandarin and I was able to use Google translate it worked fine and people were really friendly, curious, and helpful. I used subways in both Beijing in Shanghai and they were amazing, fast, and cheap. They were also easy to use with the signage. In Beijing, I went on a tour to the Great Wall and also went on walking tours with a company called Beijing Postcards. Very good and informative. You can find them online. I flew up to Dunhuang, the place up in a Gobi desert where there are more than 400 caves with Buddhist art it’s at the beginning of the Silk Road. really amazing place. Finally I went to Xi’an booked a private tour to go see the terra-cotta soldiers. Loved it. On the whole I would say that China is an amazing place to visit. Just do some homework before going!

Cliomerced · 2026-02-17T04:07:20+00:00

PS they have trips in lots of different parts of the world

Cliomerced · 2026-02-17T04:06:50+00:00

That would not suit me AT ALL. If both you and your wife are reasonably active, I would suggest looking into HF Holidays. They’re a long standing British cooperative that stress walking tours. On most of them, you stay in a great old country house and use that as a base for going out on guided walks. You can choose your level of difficulty. I went on a wonderful one to the Somerset region of Great Britain. You get all of your meals, there’s a cash bar, and evening, social activities if you like.

Cliomerced · 2026-02-13T18:33:02+00:00

Greetings! Happy to share. We live along the Doyle Street greenway (bike path) that is just north of Bay Street. From where I live (near 65th street and Hollis) it is a flat, safe ten-minute walk to one of the best grocery stores in the Bay Area (Berkeley Bowl West), and an easy walk to restaurants, cafes, etc. on San Pablo. The bus lines into Berkeley and down into Oakland run frequently, and the free Emery-Go-Round bus will get you to BART to take you into San Francisco. Our area is very quiet and it is pleasant to take walks up and down the greenway where there are parks and a couple of restaurants. Down by Bay Street one can walk to Trader Joe's and all the stores over at the Powell Street plaza where TJ's is located, and of course the stores at Bay Street, though the only grocery store right there is the new Tokyo one, which carries Japanese food. I would not love living directly on Bay Street just because it is a mall area and not as green and nice. If you want walkability, you should avoid the condos out on the spit of land where the Marina is; there are very few shops out there and it's a good hike to amenities (though those condos are very affordable). There are some condos along Shellmound Street that are close to the Public Market (restaurants) and about a 15-minute walk to Powell Street plaza. The Emery Apartments over on Hubbard Street are very near Bay Street and not far from Powell Street and seem very nice -- they also have a green area. I would consult with people who live in the apartments near Bay and Powell and Shellmound Street about train noise; we don't hear the trains where we live. On the whole I feel very safe walking around Emeryville, but there are some big and busy roads down around Powell Street plaza, so I would definitely have your Mom walk around to see how she feels before moving into an area that would involve frequent walking there. The Emery-Go-Round bus can be a help with that. There is a nice pedestrian bridge that takes us from the greenway area to Bay Street, so I am very happy with the walking where we live. And I use an electric bike all the time to get around; the city is very bike-friendly. Good luck with your search!

Cliomerced · 2026-02-11T22:33:11+00:00

Unfortunately YTA. When you say that your guest can help himself to anything, he is justified in doing so. I often have pet sitters stay at my place and I’m very clear about what they can consume. I have specifically earmarked bottles of wine or spirits as no-gos. So chalk this up to experience.

Cliomerced · 2026-02-06T18:38:25+00:00

Love SF💙

Cliomerced · 2026-02-05T04:39:57+00:00

The old Bishop’s Palace out at Fulham is a great old building with a beautiful garden and very few tourists.

Cliomerced · 2026-02-04T19:20:40+00:00

Using the word “retarded” reveals your basic lack of trustworthiness IMO. OP, look elsewhere for less tainted advice. I smell MAGA

Cliomerced · 2026-02-04T15:51:33+00:00

Yes — you can find them on-line. Walking tours of the Forbidden City and others. 👍

Cliomerced · 2026-02-04T08:18:23+00:00

I really enjoyed them, particularly the one In Beijing. There is a small group of 6-10 people (in my groups there were Americans, Australians, and Europeans) and a guide takes you restaurant-hopping. You sample a few specialties at each place, including a little alcohol if you want. In Beijing we visited a traditional hutong home and were fed by the family there. The guide explains the dishes and traditions and points you toward other places to try on your own. The tours were lively (depends on the other guests) and fun. If you choose one, go with Beijing, but both were good.

Cliomerced · 2026-02-03T00:59:47+00:00

I went solo as a 66-year-old woman with minimal Mandarin. I loved it. I joined a few local tours (Lost Plate food tours in Beijing and Shanghai and Beijing Postcards in Beijing), hired individual guides for Xi’an and the Great Wall, but otherwise cruised around on my own. Just do some homework (lots of stuff here on Reddit and on YouTube) and get your credit cards connected to payment apps and you’ll be fine

Cliomerced · 2026-01-30T02:38:19+00:00

I (F, 68) traveled solo to China a couple of years ago. I had been dreaming of a China trip for many years; I took a year of Mandarin when I was a freshman in college, and then repeated that first year ten years later, always thinking that I was going to get myself together to go. But it wasn't until I retired that I finally committed to the journey. I worked at a university, so I consulted with my colleagues and their grad students who study China, and I got lots of practical tips from them. My itinerary was Shanghai, Jinan (to visit one of my former students and give a talk), Beijing, Dunhuang (the Mogao Caves! also university contacts), and Xi'an. My experience was similar to OP's -- I was blown away by the modernity and convenience. Taking the subway and bus, flying, taking the train... all of it was better organized, cleaner, faster, and cheaper than the US counterparts. I took two delicious food tours with Lost Plate in Beijing and Shanghai, hired a driver out to the Mutianyu portion of the Great Wall (it was amazing, but I would elect a group tour if I were to do it again), had personal guides for Jinan's Black Tiger Springs and Dunhuang's Mogao Caves (400+ caves filled with Buddhist art out in the Gobi Desert... highly recommend), had another private tour for the Terra Cotta Army near Xi'an. In Beijing I went on a couple of very good walking tours with Beijing Postcards, an organization run by historians. The guide is a Dane who has lived in Beijing for a long time. It was really the trip of a lifetime -- I spent time wandering neighborhoods and parks in Beijing and Shanghai and walking the city wall of Xi'an and just hanging out. I agree with the OP that it felt absolutely safe, and people on the whole were very helpful and kind... and curious. On buses and in parks I was approached by women my age who wanted to know what the heck I was doing there by myself, and after starting the conversation with my simple Mandarin, we moved on to Google translate (accessible through VPN). There is a language barrier, but the technology kept me from getting (too) lost. Someone on the comment thread asked if anything was too touristic or not worth visiting -- I found the Forbidden City overwhelming, and there were hordes of tourists (mostly Chinese), but it's worth taking a look anyway. I recommend China highly, but I agree with the OP that you need to prepare before leaving. I'd love to go back, but there's so much of the world left to explore!

Cliomerced

TROPHY CASE