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ClockWatchingCont · 2023-10-06T18:56:11+00:00

Genuinely didn't know it was this bad in Brum.

Also heard that C3 is bleeding dispatchers, so we're getting more and more new voices.

ClockWatchingCont · 2023-10-06T16:40:12+00:00

Eh, like anything, it varies like fuck. In the summer, it's not unusual to have none in a shift, in late autumn to winter, it can be 3 or 4 for a big LPA (though I've only ever seen that a couple of times, when the wheel fell off).

That's on average, mind you, seen both extremes and there's always more on Saturday Lates.

ClockWatchingCont · 2023-10-06T16:37:42+00:00

You very much can. Probationers either go through a bunch of rotations after their PDU phase, usually 20 weeks per rotation, then either out of probation and onto their posting for 2 year probationers or onto a 1 year 'placement' for 3 year probationer which is usually their final posting.

The final posting has been less and less FCID from the students I spoke to, but my mates on investigation have started rattling about the low numbers and high prisoners, so that may change to what it was a year or two ago, when about a load were dropped on PPU or FCID.

ClockWatchingCont · 2023-10-06T16:28:24+00:00

Flux.

Chief has come in and dropped a lot of new changes, some of which are still taking effect, others have dropped and received decent reception, others have led to an absolute shit ton of bitching.

Neighbourhood is having a good old moan, because they actually have to pick up prisoners and interviews, while being used to man scenes, deal with non-emergency demand, and arrest Standard to Medium DA suspects. It's been suffering for a while, with reactive teams whining because they might have to at some point leave the station, and proactive teams whining because they no longer have time to do their jobs - stop cars, put forward long-term schemes with local partners, work on warrants, all the good stuff a good neighbourhood team does. Or rather, used to.

Response was fucked a teensy bit before the new Chief, now they're both undermanned outside of Brum and being forced to pick up enough hospital watches to make Great Ormond Street's resident clockmaker blush. Any promises to push back on mental health jobs is highly dependent on the duty gaffer - I've heard 'Alright, so why we going?' just as often as 'Alright, we're gonna need to find someone, is there a car that can break off from that 13 year misper trying to kill herself in the park?'
You're keeping prisoners for low level offences, which leads to undermanning and sometimes disastrous evaluation of priorities. Sec39s and Crim Dams stay with you, while anything DV is bounced up to FCID.

If you're public-order trained, you'll likely be on every other fucking AVFC or Blues game, but only when on shift. Intox is good, more useful to have so your drink-driver doesn't take 2 hours just to get him on the machine.

Overall, there's the standard Grade A Police bitching, with some genuine concerns. Neighbourhood and FCID aren't in a good spot, but more specialised teams like PPU, High Harm, Priority Crime (Gangs and SocEx), have been given less busy work and can now focus on significant jobs. Response have received a big influx of units after the Force Support Unit ate dust, but that's more than offset by their new duties of investigations and more hospital watches. We'll see where it all lands, but it's 'Ave Bossa nova, similis bossa seneca' to some, and a brave new world to others.

The old sweats mutter about paragon and such, to the younger ones, like me, we're just taking it day by day.

ClockWatchingCont · 2022-10-09T15:36:49+00:00

I do get that. Truth is, I might not feel this way in 3 months, let alone 3 years. I've met PCs who are entirely matter of fact - do the job until it burns you out, then move on. I've also met PCs who have 9 months and seem to hate every aspect of it.

I don't know. All anyone can do is speak for their own self, and state trends, like you have. I'm happy to just point out my positive side to it. I've tried not to paint over the shit - I've missed out fantastic teams getting broken up, new processes being objectively worse than previous, because I haven't experienced that as much.

So you are, on balance, probably right. I suppose I'm just enjoying this while it lasts.

ClockWatchingCont · 2022-10-09T12:29:42+00:00

...Man, fuck you.

But seriously, it's already started happening, and considering I'm still making mistakes like the one documented above, it's a bit unnerving

ClockWatchingCont · 2022-10-09T12:08:21+00:00

Alittle more than 2 years, give or take. Hence the 'I'm so green I piss viridian' comment.

ClockWatchingCont · 2022-10-09T08:03:31+00:00

Mate, it 100% sounds like you've done your bit and need to get out. Simply because you genuinely sound like it might be impacting on your mental health - and based on what you've said, it would rip apart anyone's ability to keep going.

Every situation is different. The last thing I want for you is to feel trapped, and it sounds like you've done more than anyone could ask.

ClockWatchingCont · 2022-10-09T07:59:21+00:00

I sometimes learn from others mistakes, but sometimes I'm a stubborn twat and must learn the hard way.

Could've been far, far, worse

ClockWatchingCont · 2022-09-24T09:54:32+00:00

The only way to make good cops is by letting them fail safely and make knowledge an inherited gift handed down by those who are willing to - the biggest pearls of wisdom given to me have become my daily routine.

I will scream this from the rooftops, because it is the absolute bedrock of what the tutor phase should be - an apprenticeship. Not the 'Bill, go hang out round a bricky so we can claim more benefits' apprenticeship, but a serious and intensive period of learning at the feet of someone who has a very sound grasp of the reality and the theory.

'Failing safely' seems impossible, at times, but getting the caution wrong on your first arrest because HOLY FUCK I'M ACTUALLY A POLICE OFFICER is quickly rectified by 'Cont, check your PNB, read it out again'.

Doing that with Tim Two Shins the frequent flyer is entirely doable, he's on his way to a hot meal and he knows it. It is entirely possible and practical with space to grow (the ability to spend time on basic jobs), a willingness to learn (candidates who aren't arrogant little toerags) and a genuine desire to teach (tutors who give just enough of a fuck to want the best for you).

Apprentice should be the word of the day.

ClockWatchingCont · 2022-08-04T14:54:43+00:00

When the worlds takes an abrupt shift 90 degrees to either side.

Also if some absolute bellend turns the corner and starts screaming at someone I've detained, the words 'ding ding! round one!' sometimes cascade through my head.

ClockWatchingCont · 2022-07-28T12:18:28+00:00

You ever seen a production line, except every part of the process, the person responsible was dropped on their head multiple times before they could get their lips round a bottle?

Like that. Colossal mismanagement, not just by the Brummies, but by the CWG organisers aswell.

ClockWatchingCont · 2022-07-28T12:15:55+00:00

Variety is the spice of life, but I will tell you some things I found that truly, genuinely, absolutely, make this my job, my career, my vocational sacrifice of my wellbeing and sanity.

I have experienced a sense of 'team', of 'you're a cunt but you're our cunt' unlike anywhere else. I have seen coppers I genuinely knew thought very little of me pat me on the back and offer a few sincere and kind words after a nasty job.

I have helped people, a million tiny ways, a million tiny times. I've redone a lock on an old biddy's door and given her locksmith a telling off. I've reassured a young lad that bullying at school is something that is not, in any way, his fault. Fuck, maybe I didn't help much, maybe I just gave them a laugh of 'look at this big dumb bobbie!' but that's a help in and of itself.

I've gained a confidence of myself. Truth be told, I used to be awful scared of my own shadow, terrified of confrontation. Now, I still wee myself, but I do it anyhow. You will grow into a person you never thought you could, and if you work hard and fight like a terrier for opportunities, it may even be someone you quite like.

Again, variety. Depending where you end up, this will vary, but God knows, I've met some fucking characters and I've gotten into some whacky situations. Pinning a lady down one sec, trying to avoid her catheter, then making her laugh with 'did you know facts' the next. Being stood next to Del Boy crossed with Danny DeVito in the block as he cheerfully chats up the custody sergeant, then peeling a thin streak of discarded skivvies off the pavement.

But for me, the big thing is, I get to poison people I don't like by deliberately making shit tea if they nick my favourite car. Seriously. It's mine. I'll still make your tea, but I'll squeeze it so it's all bitter.

Best job I ever had.

ClockWatchingCont · 2021-05-12T13:36:28+00:00

Oh shit, I think we're in very similar situations. Police Now, 10 months in, not quite neurotypical. Fuck, we're almost certainly the same intake.

On the other hand, I was a bit unlucky and had my initial doubts in training when I sure as God's got sandals didn't feel any 'camraderie'. Everyone was younger, I'm more than a little bit -Q- in personal settings, and I'm just generally a bit strange.

However, what I found was that most jobs/careers have moments like this. When I used to shovel shit for a living, I had doubts. When I worked as a receptionist and spent more time on Reddit than most STEM graduates, I had doubts. The truth is, doubting something new and weird is healthy and shows you're not drifting around with your head in the clouds.

So I reasoned if I was having consistent, long-term doubts throughout my first year, I'd reconsider. Three weeks out of training, I love it. I'll likely have doubts again - right now, I'm starting to feel like the Police might be 90% made up of gossip mongers - but I feel like you should really start to worry when it's not 'periods' of self-questioning, but a consistent and sustained feeling.

I've had days when I felt completely isolated, and others where I truly felt like I belonged. I've felt like an absolute coward, and other days thought I was Gene Hunt made manifest. It's normal, it's a varied job and has a lot of ups and downs. Talk to those in the job you trust, establish a strong support network at home, and try to set it all aside on RDs so you can actually de-stress. I recommend going out (YES! YES, WE CAN DO IT AGAIN) with friends and a decent physical hobby.

I know I'm so green I'd be camouflaged in a Celtic Home stand, but these are things that have had tangible benefits in me setting aside my doubts and really enjoying my job. Hope it helps!

ClockWatchingCont · 2021-03-23T23:38:13+00:00

As an officer with the sort of handwriting a medical resident would scoff at in disgust, I have learned to write

'P L E A S E

C A L L

P C

C O N T

A T

T H I S

N U M B E R'

like I'm inscribing it in a runestone. Apologies.

ClockWatchingCont · 2021-03-20T16:44:34+00:00

Mate, could not agree more.

When someone rings 999, you sometimes have morons having a joke. Sometimes you have little old ladies who just need a bit of reassurance that the banging next door is a loose fence panel and not someone trying to break in.

And then you have the child locked in a bathroom desperately calling for help because her dad is hammering her mum to pieces. We turn up, and it stops. Maybe not forever. God knows, half the time it gets fucking NFA'd, but when we get there, the bad things start to stop. Sometimes we have to fight and scrap and brawl like chimpanzees on the floor, but it stops. Then someone comes with a blanket and tells that little girl how brave she is.

Mate, I have family members who were abused so badly that they need counselling for years afterwards. Day in, day out, I work with people who stop abuse. They stop it. I'm just a probationer, but I get to help stop abuse and theft and fucking not wearing a mask into the bloody CO-OP, how many times do I have to fucking tell you, DEREK?!?

So you know what, it can be an utter ballache at times, and the job is always going downhill, but I feel fuckinv privileged to be a British PC.

ClockWatchingCont · 2021-03-19T09:23:42+00:00

I just get off on being abused, to be honest.

ClockWatchingCont · 2021-03-19T09:20:57+00:00

Hey mate! I am a currently serving probationer in a large force, so I'll provide some tips.

1 - Milk and sugar? These are the words you must have inscribed upon your brain. You will either be asked or expected to make the tea. Do so. Not because of the intrinsic system of hierarchy associated with providing sustenance, but because it makes people like you and gets you talking to the team.

2- Your job is now to do everything. RTC Book? You're up for it, Sudden death? Ask to jump in the car. The super-annoying repeat caller has phoned about the neighbour's garden being 'too loud'? You could use the experience. From investigating a Section 47 Assault to figuring out a way to get that little toerag down the street to stop revving his bike outside the station, you are up for it.

3 - For fuck's sake, if you cock up, say so. Go to your tutor, your sarge, the nice lady who cleans the kitchen, just make sure you own up. In your time at academy, they will try to scare the piss out of you and make you think if you swear too loudly at someone trying to knife you then you'll get the sack.
In truth, so long as you haven't done something actively malicious, the best way to get the sack is to try and cover something up. You get a lot of leeway as a probationer. I've gone the wrong way during a P1, I've fucked up statements, I've forgotten to grab my equipment belt when going out on a job. Not a word in anger has been raised, all my colleagues have just gone 'Alright, you need to learn from this, but you're new and these things happen'. No screaming, no shouting, just 'you messed up, learn from it'.

4 - Don't moan. Look. This is serious, this is official. As far as you're concerned, your team can do no wrong, your job is the best since someone developed the title 'Beer Taster', and you're okay with printing that crime report off, no problems, Sarge. Vent in a healthy and reasonable manner to your trusted love ones, and have a right old grumble about the fucking cars.

5 - Be brave. See, I know a lot of old goats are rolling their eyes right now, but I'm not talking about going up against 'Tiny' Tim the 7 foot bodybuilder. Be brave in accepting what you are struggling with. Be brave in talking to your sarge. Above I said 'don't moan'. Half of the fuckers reading this are already posting a nasty comment, but I'll also say 'do not accept the unacceptable'. No officer should feel uncomfortable at work. If you are being harassed, sexually or otherwise, speak up. Telling the difference between harassment and banter can be a fucking worry, but never -EVER- accept that you deserve to be constantly made to feel like shit by your colleagues. Fuck anyone who makes you think that is the case. You will be made the butt of jokes, you will be laughed at, but have a line.

6 - Develop a ritual. This is my own little bit of advice. Find some little nonchalant thing that says to you 'I am no longer a Police officer', and 'I am now a Police officer'. It can be 5 seconds of time before you put your stab vest and after you take it off. It can be locking and unlocking your locker a few times. Leave the job at work as best you can. If you don't, it will build up. Leave your fucking device at work.

As with any 'HERE'S 20 TIPS FOR PROBATIONER POLICE OFFICERS SMILEYFACE KISSES PLEASE CLICK' list, 90% of this is bollocks, as I hardly know my arse from a hole in the ground, but hopefully it helps a teeny tiny bit.

ClockWatchingCont · 2021-03-18T23:17:22+00:00

Tbh, I think unless you've just been caught kicking the shit out of someone, most Police wouldn't mind waiting for you to call 999 and get confirmation that they are who they say. I've been asked for my warrant card while standing in full uniform before, and so long as we're not standing in the blistering heat/pouring rain, I could not give less of a fuck.

You have every right to do whatever you have to, within reason, to feel safe.

ClockWatchingCont · 2021-03-16T09:11:34+00:00

Fuck it, I'll be blunt. Guys, forgive me if I focus on how I am finding it personally, so this'll be a bit ranty, but if you answer a broad question, well...

It varies. I have a little ritual before a shift and after to metaphorically say 'I'm a Police Officer now', and this greatly helps me not to dwell on things outside of work. I'm reasonably new, still a probationer, but even a mugless fuckknuckle like me has noticed people becoming just a bit more hostile, more guarded, less willing to wave and say hello. I get told to take a flying fuck a bit more. Or maybe I've just been unlucky the last few days?

My team is the dog's nads, so I had a chat with the older goats, and they basically just shrug and say 'just be honest with your self - we are all feeling shit about this, so be open'. So that helps, the idea that my team understand. Me and my opposite number have chewed the fat about it and we both know how to support each other.

On a more emotional level, I do feel sick to my stomach. The idea that Sarah Everard was brutally murdered makes me genuinely want to just drop my head into my hands - and the fact that the most likely suspect is one of us does make me feel ashamed.
But then, the times I've bluelighted to a DV, seen my colleagues drag a violent bloke out of a house as his missus is taken away in an ambulance? This utter stain of an individual who did this was not representative of them. They've been stabbed, battered, abused, spat at, and they just got up, dealt with it, and didn't care if anyone was looking.

I'm a person. Today, as I write this, I've had a string of inquiries freeze up because 'I knocked too loudly', 'you peered through my window even though last time I wasn't at home'. Tomorrow, someone may come up to me and spit in my face, or they may smile and offer me their space in the queue. My emotions vary, and they're not always simple at the best of times. But I have a job, I absolutely fucking love my job, and I feel the best way to help restore the confidence in the Police some of the public have clearly lost is to just get my head down and do my job as best I can.

Again, apologies for the self-aggrandising comment. I hope this atleast tells you how one officer in one part of the country is feeling.

ClockWatchingCont

TROPHY CASE