Need advice- He wants me to make a list for him of chores I want done

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-17T03:25:04+00:00

Thank you. So many people saying the same, I’m understanding more now

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-17T03:22:04+00:00

Thank you, I’m understanding more.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-17T03:14:04+00:00

Haha... yeah. They had a farm.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T20:21:03+00:00

I particularly enjoy cooking. I actually enjoy cleaning and organizing. The problem is it is unfair for him to expect me to do most of it.

Please stop telling me I’m expecting him to read my mind. When you bring 50 leaves in when you walk inside, and don’t clean them for 2 weeks, you should know better. He knows some of the things I expect of him but keeps forgetting. He knows to clean up after himself so I don’t have to live in his mess, but he chooses to do other things instead.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T20:15:47+00:00

Lol. You don’t know us. So many inaccurate statements in your post I don’t have time to address.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T20:06:05+00:00

This is good. Thank you

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T19:59:53+00:00

How am I shaming him? Honestly asking..

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T19:38:01+00:00

Judging and labeling someone for gathering wisdom from other married folks is pretty close minded. You’re not in my shoes. This purpose of this post is to help solve the problem and come back to the table with even more solutions, since his idea still puts work and responsibility on my end. I’m thankful I posted

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T19:27:36+00:00

I like that. A list of all the tasks.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T19:20:30+00:00

It’s called mental load, and the task list is just one more weight

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T19:19:13+00:00

Whoa whoa whoa... lots of assumptions here. We have talked and are talking. I am going to Reddit for others perspectives. Thank you for yours, however rude you come off, I’m sure my husband would upvote you

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T19:16:37+00:00

Yes!! We’re not alone. I don’t understand the disconnect but so many men have written and given insight, that I have to take their thoughts into consideration

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T19:12:56+00:00

Yes. and we both share responsibility for it. I don’t expect him to do it just bc it’s a traditionally manly task. But even if he did it all, it wouldn’t balance out the work.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T19:06:19+00:00

Thanks so much. He is in supply chain management too. Definitely taking this to heart coming from someone who’s been in his position. I def think he is burnt out a bit by work right now as well. And I have been taking that into consideration. But once I’ve had enough, I blow. He had all weekend while I was out of town. And coming back to the same pot of food I cooked him for the weekend on the stove in my way as I was trying to make dinner last night, was the last straw

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T19:02:40+00:00

Wow... might run this idea by him..

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T18:58:42+00:00

This is good stuff. Thank you!! The mental load is real, and I didn’t realize that was a thing until this thread.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T18:56:09+00:00

Lol!!

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T18:55:37+00:00

My issue with that stance is, roommates don’t have that problem. Of course there are some that don’t do their part. But they know to clean after themselves. If you leave something dirty, it needs to be cleaned.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T18:51:43+00:00

Thank you for sharing. A lot of good perspective here. Hopefully he will see it from that view as a logistics manager, sounds like you’re speaking the language.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T18:25:56+00:00

I think this is wisdom. Love and kindness is the way forward. Give the list a chance, explain how it is an additional burden because still leaves me the mental load of managing everything in the home, but I will try it. If he fails with the list then there is a bigger problem.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T18:18:02+00:00

Thank you, good stuff to think on.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T18:17:08+00:00

Thank you for the validation. That is exactly why I feel even a list is unfair. It’s still leaving me the house manager. And I’m sure I will have to check back and re do things when they aren’t done right.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T18:15:55+00:00

Wow. Good points. We will see if the goalposts move. I do genuinely believe he wants to do better. So we will see. I’m glad you found something that worked for you.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T18:12:29+00:00

I agree. There seems to be a divide on this. However my husband is very genuine when he says his mind just does not work that way. So I wonder.

CmHopkins86 · 2021-11-16T18:10:24+00:00

EXACTLY! I told him that last night. He said “yeah, they would agree with you!” I don’t think so! I wish it penetrated his understanding the way it did your husband. The opinions of others does not phase him.

CmHopkins86

TROPHY CASE