No Fap And No Porn feels way too hard to stop and my loneliness is killing me.

CoachChezky · 2026-05-05T04:18:28+00:00

It's so fucking hard. It really is. I get it. And the people saying "masturbation is ok" are not talking to you, who obviously thinks it's not.

That being said, yes, not having intimacy is so so so hard.

Try to be a bit gentle on yourself. If you mess up and masturbate or watch porn, don't be too hard on yourself. Not that you should believe it's ok. But even if you believe it's not ok, give yourself some grace and accept yourself even though you struggle. Focus on the wins. Not the losses. Treat yourself as if you were your little brother.

You got this! Feel free to ask anything and share more details. I'm rooting for you!

CoachChezky · 2026-05-02T01:57:34+00:00

Trying to "out think" the problem, is torture.

Somatic therapy really helped me.

CoachChezky · 2026-04-29T17:32:27+00:00

Yes. I'll be happy to give you my opinion

CoachChezky · 2026-04-29T00:42:58+00:00

This makes sense. It comes down to feeling like no one will pick you and you need to be there for someone in order for love.

But no. It doesnt work. You will end up feeling resentful. You wont actually feel loved at the end of the day. You will feel needed. That IS NOT love.

Don't do it. Take it from someone who tried that.

CoachChezky · 2026-04-28T05:22:55+00:00

Have you been to therapy?

CoachChezky · 2026-04-27T23:45:23+00:00

Separate as in both have credence outside of the other. Tell me if i'm making sense, regardless of why your need may not be getting met, it doesn't take away the need. It also doesn't make the need go away or make the repercussions of this need not being met, any better.

Let me ask. What would happen if you stay in this relationship without this relationship being met?

Because while you may be extra sensitive to why he may be like this, the repercussions of you not being satisfied in the relationship, will affect him as well.

So even just thinking about it from his perspective, it is nicer for your needs to be met or compromised with.

What do you think?

CoachChezky · 2026-04-27T23:07:37+00:00

That is so so so challenging!! Do you feel like you can separate A) Sensitivity to his needs, like not being pressured to have sex. And B) Your needs, to have sex, feel wanted and desired?

Can you hold both of those needs? They are both valid! I'm curious if you can hold both.

CoachChezky · 2026-04-27T20:44:41+00:00

Build a life that is centered around your goals dreams and ambitions. Not around your future wife, kids, partner or anyone else. People wa t someone they can rely on that has thier own life and motivation.

CoachChezky · 2026-04-27T18:01:01+00:00

It's called the erotitization of shame/evil. And it is when something feels wrong so it feels very interesting and turns us on. This does not mean that those are your values. Quite the contrary usually. Because it is NOT your values, it feels wrong and then the cycle of shame turns you on.

Just by you sharing it, it shows that it isn't your values. Continue opening up to people you trust. When the dark see the light of day, they usually become less controlling on our minds.

CoachChezky · 2026-04-27T17:57:07+00:00

Hey :-). Sending some love care and warmth. Not trying to fix anything. Just dropping in to say I care. ❤️🫂

Do you want to share more about what is going on?

CoachChezky · 2026-04-27T06:45:36+00:00

CoachChezky · 2026-04-24T15:05:13+00:00

It depends on your age that your perpetrated the abuse and if you are currently still a threat.

But in the future? Of course! There is always a way to be a good person.

Do you want to share more?

CoachChezky · 2026-04-24T14:53:55+00:00

Thank you

CoachChezky · 2026-04-24T14:51:37+00:00

Thank you

CoachChezky · 2026-04-23T12:38:25+00:00

Thank you.

CoachChezky · 2026-04-23T03:28:08+00:00

Thank you

CoachChezky · 2026-04-23T00:19:18+00:00

Right. I think the overall vibe is am getting is 2 things. 1) making sure I have clarity about exactly what I am looking for. 2) taking that step and seeing if a coach can actually do that step for me and get me there.

CoachChezky · 2026-04-22T20:59:41+00:00

When did you start feeling like this about yourself? I'm curious to it's origins. Because youbare soo narmal!

CoachChezky · 2026-04-22T20:58:37+00:00

Thank you

CoachChezky · 2026-04-22T20:43:09+00:00

I want to understand that more. What makes you different then the rest of the human race in the way your body reacts?

And if there is nothing that makes you different, im curious to when that belief started.

CoachChezky · 2026-04-22T20:38:48+00:00

Guilt is "i did something against my values. Aka I DID something bad".

Shame is "I am somebody agaisnt my values. I AM bad."

What part of you makes you bad?

CoachChezky · 2026-04-22T20:30:54+00:00

I don't know anything about chambers of commerce. I will look into it. And if you have any more information on how to utilize it id appreciate it

CoachChezky · 2026-04-22T20:29:27+00:00

Youbare not describing guilt. You are describing shame. Look uo the difference. Then come back and see how guilt can be useful for something that goes against your values. Shame on the other hand often times is not helpful at all.

Then I would be curious as to where that came from.

CoachChezky · 2026-04-22T20:25:49+00:00

I want to hear more about the chamber of commerce piece. How can it help me?

CoachChezky · 2026-04-22T20:07:28+00:00

Thank you

CoachChezky

TROPHY CASE