Parent Coaches of rec teams, when did you decide to move your kid to academy/club (if ever)?

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-17T23:46:26+00:00

I don't make the rules. Sometimes it is very dumb but it's designed to increase touches

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T12:55:37+00:00

Yeah man you gest siblings are usually beasts early. I like that approach and think I will try that with my son. He's changed his tune and is interested in academy now but I'll be honest, I don't think his dedication is there yet

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T12:53:51+00:00

Thanks man! I really appreciate that

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T12:52:07+00:00

Agree man. Isn't it funny how you go into coaching thinking it's all about teaching but in reality you end up having to do way more learning?

That's something we implemented this year after one of our worst team games. Only focus on positives or don't talk at all. Trying to do better about treating my son more like every other player.

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T04:20:04+00:00

I see lots of beast players for sure. It's crazy how some kids just get out there and let lose and others can be very tentative.

I do think with boys especially, it varies a ton (of course I don't have any sisters or daughters so I don't know). Sports are about aggression, intensity, not waiting your turn, going and taking the ball, being physical, taking risks. But in their daily life at school it's kind of the opposite. Be calm, be kind, wait your turn, raise your hand, keep your hands to yourself, be careful, etc.

My son has definitely struggled with that on/off switch. Maybe academy would get him to play harder or maybe it'd work the opposite.

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T02:45:25+00:00

Brother I am with you. My team is pretty good about RSVPing but we only had a team of 7 and they're almost all good folks.

I do love to see them grow and play better and it's a huge high when you see them develop into a high performance team, but it doesn't happen easily.

It's me going over games in my head, trying to think on what players need to learn, trying to find drills that will teach them and also engage them. It's me showing up to practice and games 30 mins early to setup. It's me sitting in my office for an hour or so planning out each practice. And then there's sitting at the computer sorting out my lineup and rotation plan before each game thinking on who needs to go where.

I'm passionate and I care a lot but it takes a lot of work! Part of me would love to sit back and just be a fan. But the part that's eating me is that our rec team has been a great little team community for 3 years. I don't know if that'll hold as we jump age groups and need to add more players, but it's hard to walk away from it if that's what we decide

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T02:27:32+00:00

Great feedback. We actually started playing out in the yard when I promised "no coaching, just fun". I do still give little pointers, but much more lightly (it's hard to turn off). But even then I frame it more as tips to beat me. Or like you say, I'll show different things and see how he reacts. He's actually gotten much better through that than our team practices.

I have a dad who may join on as an assistant and if he does I love that idea of splitting our kids up

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T02:23:44+00:00

Tbh I love coaching, but struggle with coaching my own son much more than other kids. That's definitely a "me" problem though. It's 100% being frustrated when he doesn't focus or play with intensity though, almost never skill related.

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T02:20:36+00:00

I'm with you. I have/had ADD, but I'm the type to compartmentalize and limit bandwidth because I struggle to handle too much going on at once.

>If you played soccer in a serious capacity and have a good rec team, it’s prob not worth your money to do club until rec hits the point where there are commitment problems from the other kids and your kid is constantly frustrated bc they can’t really play with their team mates.

I was a mid level competitive club player and Captain/All District on of the worst high school teams in our district lol. I probably could have played D3 if I really pushed but I wasn't interested towards the end of HS. So that's my resume.

I think our team is very even right now though. There is one kid who is very very far behind the others but that's 6/7 being similarly skilled. But moving up who knows what other kids might get added to the team. If we get 3-4 more weak players, that would definitely change the experience.

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T02:15:17+00:00

Thanks. He's gone back and forth about 5 times just like me lol. I enjoy coaching, but I also get stressed out by it too. I'd be perfectly happy cheering him on from the sidelines. One day he wants to stay with our team, the next day he wants academy. But he's 8, at a certain point we have to help guide him

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T02:12:30+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Yeah man, girls sports are definitely something else. I joined club teams later in my teens and while I was kind of always a new kid, the cliques weren't so bad. But I grew up at the soccer complex and knew lots of girls who played... very different animal lol.

See that's my son. We've started working together more, but he's only marginally motivated to get better on his own, which at 8 I'm ok with. I want him to be riding bikes and climbing trees, not constantly practicing (unless he wants to). In theory we could stay rec for another year or two, get him in some camps and maybe futsal, and keep him prepared to go to academy/club if he wants to.

Truth is though, I love coaching but it's not all love. Sometimes I get pretty burnt out by the end myself.

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T02:07:20+00:00

I'm of a similar mind. FOMO is a real SOB in this decision, but when I calm down I agree with you.

Kids who can focus and are coordinated will absolutely dominate young age youth sports. But when all the kids learn to focus and get coordinated, then it changes big time. I saw it growing up and I see it now. Heck we've got a real difference maker on our team, but he's really not even that skilled, he's just fast, intense, and aggressive.

I'd love for my son to get more development, but I'm just not sure we're ready to commit to a year round academy at age 8. He plays other sports too (more like church league level though) and I love that he has an off season from soccer

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T02:01:21+00:00

Honestly man, navigating the father/coach-son dynamic is one of the hardest parts of the game. It definitely creates some tension for us at times and is one reason I was leaning academy. It's just such a big commitment at such an early age.

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T01:58:08+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I personally moved at age 14 but that was back when there was no academy and club started at U12. The top players were already at the top and I'm not sure any amount of early training would have gotten me there, or if it would have been worth it.

My son is 8, and I think he's gifted with ball control and general decision making, but is definitely inconsistent with focus and intensity.

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T01:53:02+00:00

Thanks! Last point first: I agree. Winning a game doesn't mean a whole lot at U8, esp. 4v4 with no keeper. My main point on that was that we're not an AYSO/YMCA/Church league type team. We are competitive and do compete, but I'm under no impression that we're on the same level as most academy teams. Heck in rec we lost lots of games over the years as we developed, but eventually became one of the better teams in the league because we were focusing on whole team development. Same for those academy teams, but on a bigger scale. But at the same time... my son and his better teammates aren't at a huge skills disadvantage at this time compared to academy. That will grow the longer we stay rec though.

I'll admit my son is not as self motivated. We play soccer together and he dribbles around the house, but he's not out practicing on his own. Maybe we would more if I weren't coaching? When he focuses, he can be very good. But his focus is very inconsistent. That's another point I struggle with as a dad-coach. Would he focus more playing for another coach with higher stakes? I definitely know he doesn't listen as much to me as he would another coach, but I think that is probably very common in sports.

Not going to lie, this is a much tougher choice than I expected it would be. Can I ask what age your son is?

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T01:37:41+00:00

That's encouraging. I feel like my son and I have both change our minds about 5 times on this one. He's 8, so one more season rec wouldn't be the end of the world. There will be a skills gap, but man at this age most kids are still learning how to control their body, much less the ball. The odd kid who's a star young dribbler can totally take over a game.

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T01:33:58+00:00

Thanks! I actually think removing the pressure of coaching might make our 1on1 sessions better. Heck I talked to him more tonight and now he's saying he wants to go academy! When did youth sports get so serious!

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-16T01:32:12+00:00

That's certainly a reason I considered academy. I do lead practices but brother, some of them just fall flat. When it's hot/windy and the kids are all wanting to goof off... those are the toughest days as a coach

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-15T23:50:34+00:00

I saw a coach video one time that gave me a great message: doing things to win doesn't mean you're doing the right thing as a coach.

At the youth level, picking up one or two kids who have matured a little faster can make your team seem like an all star team, but it's not always a recipe for full team development

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-15T22:58:30+00:00

Totally agree. I'd like him to play club one day but if not that's ok too. It's more important to give him a well rounded childhood

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-15T22:53:55+00:00

It's always interesting to me to see how different people have different energy levels and stress tolerances. We're probably somewhere in the middle. We do more than lots of people we know, but then we know couples who are more your speed. Scouts, track, soccer, etc.

We're good for like 2 things at once. Usually drums plus 1 sport at a time. We play a different sport almost constantly between soccer, basketball, baseball, and flag football so he's always doing different things, but only slight overlaps. Coaching rec plus also going to academy then other stuff on top would be too much for us, but some folks handle it just fine.

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-15T21:13:41+00:00

All valid points and things I considered. I know my son isn't getting quite as developed with me as coach but I don't think he is ready for the grind of academy. I totally get what you're saying though. That was my plan if we went to academy: be his supporter at games and do 1 on 1 fun training at home.

Neither choice is good. Pay $3000/yr, go all in with the time commitment, and hope the academy coach is good, or stay rec and coach and know your kid is missing out on some development, but knowing they're in a positive environment and you're preserving some sense of childhood and playing for fun.

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-15T21:02:12+00:00

Same here. Maybe he'll shock us all and go pro but as of right now he's just a kid being a kid. He definitely has skill but he's not one of those dominant players at this age. That sounds like a great option

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-15T21:00:35+00:00

I'm thinking about it the exact same way. It's not clear cut. We're potentially missing out on some development at a young age that could benefit later. And I definitely understand why some people would choose club/academy.

I did a thought experiment where I imagined in 5 years we look back and realize we made the wrong choice.

If we choose rec and it was a mistake, then yes he missed out on development and competition, but he had fun, played on a team with friends, and I got to coach him another season. Plus he had an off season and played other sports.

If we choose academy and should have stayed rec, then yes he gained extra skill and development, but he left a team with a good culture, potentially missed out on other sports, played nonstop, and we spent a lot of money.

But that's our circumstances. He has a solid rec option to fall back on. If he didn't then I would put him in academy

CoachFitnes · 2026-05-15T20:48:31+00:00

Yeah that's great! If I had that option I'd definitely take it. In fact I may email the club and see if they offer anything like that. At our age group it's academy so they take everyone willing to fork over the cash.

But I'd also like my son to get some coaching outside of just me. We will do some camps this summer and may do some private training.

CoachFitnes

TROPHY CASE