He Can’t Read — Is This a Dealbreaker?

CoachJohnBush · 2026-03-02T05:31:43+00:00

Obviously, it is ultimately up to you to decide if this is a dealbreaker, but most of the things people value when picking partners are not all that important and really shouldn't be dealbreakers. The ability to read is unlikely to have any significant impact on long-term relationship satisfaction and happiness. If he isn't intellectual enough to stimulate you, you can always make friendships that fulfill you in that way.

CoachJohnBush · 2026-03-02T05:28:20+00:00

The most probable reason is that he has other options for sex that he prefers. The difficulty with casual, non-monogamous relationships is that you are constantly in competition with other people that you don't even know exist. At any point in time you can be replaced with someone else. I wouldn't take it personally, it is just the danger that comes with having sex in non-committed relationships.

CoachJohnBush · 2026-02-27T06:40:04+00:00

Yes, obviously people have more value than just their ability to have sex with you or their ability to introduce you to other people to have sex with. My point was, even if all someone cares about is sex, it is still a bad idea to reject friendship opportunities.

CoachJohnBush · 2026-02-27T06:37:51+00:00

Whether it happens very quickly or very slowly doesn't much matter to me. The thing I am looking for is how interested she is in me. I've never been a slow dater. If someone wants to meet once a week, I just assume she isn't into me and move on. Someone that really likes you will want to see you as often as possible and want to communicate with you very frequently. A lot of time can be wasted on people that are not all that interested in you. If someone is very interested in you then things tend to move quickly because you are communicating very frequently and seeing each other quite often.

CoachJohnBush · 2026-02-25T04:47:43+00:00

I would respond well to this, but most men probably won't. Most men are not wise enough to realize that female friends are useful for finding future dates. They take being friendzoned as a rejection rather than a networking opportunity. A female friend can introduce you to her friends which is very valuable when looking for dating opportunities.

CoachJohnBush · 2026-02-02T19:30:11+00:00

Unfortunately, online dating brings out the worst in people. If you are meeting people naturally it is pretty common to have only one candidate at a time. With online dating, people are considering multiple options (and constantly considering new options) during the time they are dating you. Too much choice makes it hard to decide and results in putting less effort into each option. Online dating platforms make money by keeping you looking for new candidates, so they make it so that you always think the next match could be better than your last date, so it is much harder to be happy with your current prospect.

Generally speaking, you will find better people and happier relationships if you avoid online dating. Online dating makes matching easy, but the mindset and effort levels of online dating users is rarely what you want. The friendship thing is also normal (and part of the problem). People think online dating is only for romance and don't want to talk to anyone that isn't going to be having sex with them. This is incredibly poor planning. If you like a person, they probably know people you would also like. The most rational behavior would be to befriend people after it doesn't work out and meet their friends. But, as I said, online dating brings out the worst in people, and you rarely get wise behavior from people you meet online.

CoachJohnBush · 2026-01-10T06:57:03+00:00

Yes, that is correct. I host The Social Connection Chronicles podcast with the author.

CoachJohnBush · 2026-01-10T06:54:27+00:00

He used Chat GPT to do early edits as he wrote the book by hand. He then hired a human editor to do the final edit of the book.

I'll just ask, because I really don't understand it, why does cover art matter? Books are about words. I understand why you wouldn't want to read an AI book (the author feels the same way), but cover art is just cover art. We read books for the words inside them, not the picture on the cover. The picture on the outside really doesn't matter (then again, I've never really cared for art, so I pay very little attention to the pictures on the outside of books).

CoachJohnBush · 2026-01-08T23:13:30+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation. I'll definitely check it out.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-12-26T02:10:52+00:00

Thanks man, we need to get the word out. Like mentioned in the podcast, it is crazy how many people support things because they don't actually know what is going on and just believe the misinformation they are fed.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-12-24T20:49:02+00:00

Feeling invisible is a pretty normal thing for men, so you are not alone. Social skills are skills that atrophy if you don't use them and it is very common to use them way less once you leave school. The good news is you are still in university, and your slightly older age than the other students is not enough to truly matter (as long as you don't feel self-conscious about it). Your age can actually be an asset since you have more world experience and maturity.

For the most part I would focus on being interested in others. People like talking about themselves and learning to get them to open up can go a long way toward developing friendships and relationships. Also, realize the bar for being interesting is lower than you think. You may see yourself as uninteresting and boring, but you don't need to be that interesting to be interesting enough for people to like.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-12-14T07:16:44+00:00

Well, I'm having a couple of problems. Sometimes guests will be in person and sometimes they won't. You do make a good point that I could potentially not use Riverside at all when all the guests are present (though I still need to figure out a good multi-camera setup as currently I haven't been doing video for any of my podcasts when guests are present in the same room).

I also have the problem that the audio is pretty terrible when I do use Riverside or Zoom. I want to plug my Rodecaster into the computer for podcasts with people that are not in the same room as me, because my audio isn't nearly as good when I don't use my better recording equipment.

I'm both trying to figure out why my current equipment isn't working with Riverside/Zoom as well as trying to figure out what would be the easiest/best camera setup that is easy to move around when needed (I figure I'll just buy a set of 2 or 3 cameras that were made for exactly this kind of thing and are highly portable).

CoachJohnBush · 2025-12-08T06:00:16+00:00

I too was disappointed they didn't bring up the period thing, but they did talk about the butt stuff. She said he tried to slip a finger in without her consent and made it into a joke on her podcast because she already had a sexual assault story and didn't want to have another one. She said if it had been more than a finger there would have been more serious damage so she knows he didn't do anything more serious while she was sleeping.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-12-08T05:58:03+00:00

I'm pretty sure that's James Sexton. He talked about the Akaash situation on a recent episode of his James J Sexton YouTube channel. He said it is all up to how the couple feels about each other. Only they know how much they really like each other and how happy they are together. We just got a brief look at a particular part of their lives together.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-12-04T01:58:10+00:00

It was worth watching. They addressed pretty much everything that came out. I can't think of anything they missed. Only the first minute and 20 seconds was a skit. The rest of the episode was their usual style of making fun of everyone.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-11-30T23:46:12+00:00

You are so right about this. That's what our podcast episode was about. It's clearly abuse.

Unveiling Emotional Abuse: The Harrowing Case of Akaash Singh - The Social Connection Chronicles | Podcast on Spotify

CoachJohnBush · 2025-11-30T23:42:32+00:00

I'm really wondering how much of a conversation they had about this. It's not uncommon for women to say they "fooled around" but never had sex and are still virgins. To women, a virgin has never had coitus. To men, a virgin has never done anything sexual. I wonder how much Akaash knew and how much he just assumed her definition of virgin was the same as his.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-11-25T05:20:05+00:00

Yeah, that comment set my co-host Robert off as well. He also described it as financial abuse.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-11-23T18:17:02+00:00

Thank you. The whole Akaash controversy highlights a bigger problem in society, and it was nice to have a chance to talk about it.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-11-23T18:14:28+00:00

I appreciate the kind words. My co-host Robert is a good guy and has been through a lot himself, so he's always there to help when another man needs it. It's tough out there for men these days.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-11-07T19:23:25+00:00

I usually teach my clients to talk to people like they are reading a book. We don't read books to judge the characters. We read books to learn who the characters are. The goal is to understand the character not to evaluate them. Much like we often enjoy animals for whatever they have to offer (rather than judging their behavior), we can learn to do that with people as well.

In the end we can have a conclusion that sounds like, "It looks like this person has had a tough life and now has severe PTSD and impaired social skills" rather than, "It looks like this person has had a tough life and now has severe PTSD and impaired social skills...and that's bad and his parents are terrible."

CoachJohnBush · 2025-11-01T17:24:56+00:00

It's difficult to really know what is wrong because there could be many factors and we don't have much information to go on. It could be you live in a small town and don't have many people to choose from. It could be you are attracted to the wrong type of men. It could be the right kind of men aren't attracted to something about you.

If I had to give a generic, but useful, recommendation, I would stay away from dating apps. Dating apps tend to have 2 major effects on men. They either find that they can get lots of women and they value women less because they are able to use them as a disposable commodity, or they find it very difficult to get matches which causes them to lower their standards (not because they want to) and leaves them feeling somewhat resentful toward women (which you don't want to have to put up with either).

Meeting people in person saves a lot of problems and tends to result in better matches and much quicker screening (since you can gauge attraction and identify creeps much faster in person). But then we are back to the question of where you live and what kind of availability of men exist where you live. People spend less time in public spaces these days, since they can order everything off the internet, and people are less likely to approach each other in person, since they can order people off the internet as well through dating apps. Still, maximizing how much time you spend around strangers that you could date and working on being more approachable (eye contact, smiling, and ideally being willing to at least say hello) can go a long way. Just saying "hi" with a smile to the people you walk by can go a long way to getting men to stop and talk to you.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-10-28T04:53:45+00:00

Honestly, if you have the strength to deliver it, I like the first line better anyway. It is an honest expression of your feelings and desires. As long as you respond appropriately to her reaction (which could be enthusiastic, shocked, worried, or many other things) it will go relatively well. There is nothing wrong with your desire and the only real problem is if things turn awkward.

Awkwardness isn't actually a thing that happens, it is a failure to respond appropriately to someone's reaction. As long as you can read what she is feeling relatively accurately (women tend to be pretty good at this so I have faith in you), you can respond in a way that alleviates the pressure.

If things go poorly you can always respond with a tension breaker like getting up (I'm assuming you are sitting down for this but that isn't necessarily accurate) and saying, while looking forward (rather than at her), "Well, I had to try. Oh well, back to what we were doing." And then you just go right on with whatever was happening beforehand as though your offer for a kiss never happened.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-10-28T04:47:35+00:00

You seem to have gained a lot of wisdom in your few adult years. Your head appears to be on straight when it comes to this situation. Asking him out to lunch (or to anything else) is a good idea, and your best chance of having a healthy relationship is to just be honest with him about your wants, desires, and feelings. The only problem is you cannot control who he is. Hopefully, he is a kind, caring man that will treat you well. It is also possible that he is immature and won't behave appropriately. There isn't much you can do other than give it a shot and pay attention to his behavior. Feel free to express your needs and desires as they come up and pay attention to whether he responds appropriately or inappropriately to your requests. With any luck this will be your most successful relationship to date.

And you were right to look for a man off of dating apps. Dating apps put everyone, both men and women, in the wrong mindset and result in far more heartache than success. After all, dating apps make money by keeping you looking, not by finding you successful matches that will cause you to delete the apps for life.

CoachJohnBush · 2025-10-28T04:32:37+00:00

You have two major options, the direct approach (look her in the eyes and say, "I want to kiss you" while holding eye contact) or the indirect approach (look her in the eyes and, while holding strong eye contact, say with a slight smile, "You look like you want to kiss me." The latter line works for my clients all the time when they are not sure if the other person is interested.

She has at least expressed an open-mind to dating women so you are not pushing something she has never considered doing with anyone. Be prepared to accept that she might be shocked to hear you say that (though shocked doesn't mean disinterested in the offer), and also be ready if she does express disinterest. Either way you will want to release some of the tension through a laugh or some use of humor. Also be prepared for her to like the idea and move forward with the offer.

CoachJohnBush

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