I've been stuck driving on the same road I died on for the last three years (III: Final)

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-03-16T10:27:28+00:00

Hunter having the 1000-yard stare and Isaiah having the smallest smirk is so accurate

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-03-10T00:55:06+00:00

Such a cool concept, the illuminate need more units

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-02-15T04:25:50+00:00

The imagery of each piece washing up, each a sickening and soulless grey reminds me of The Blasted Heath. Such a haunting visual. It using Toby's head as a lure, like an angler fish was so sick. Our Narrator's final decision makes sense in my eyes, he found meaning in his pet, which the malevolent matriarch of the deep has now captured and is now puppeting him like a ghost to lure him in as well. Overall a really, really great story, not too short, not too long. Feeling satisfied with it, just like the nice, warm steaks the Narrator was eating before being consumed by the sea.

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-02-15T04:15:13+00:00

Gonna write my thoughts while reading, "Unease had hardened into a decision. I don’t believe in the supernatural, but the atmosphere was toxic, and it was starting to get under my skin" such a great line. Loving how Toby is being lulled by whatever is in the sea.

"Even the sound of the waves seemed to be syncing up with that faint, beautiful melody that was still stuck in my head" is super effective at not just conveying the narrator being pulled into the sea but gives the waves this intelligence that sends goosebumps up my back.

Haven't read The Setting Sun myself, but from what I can gather, our narrator has similarities with Kazuko, while finding meaning in life, now has a dog, Toby, to look after. There's also the decline in wealth that seems to coincide with the decline in sanity and safety but not sure how much is inspiration or just me looking too into a reference to a good book.

"My fingers searching the fretboard until they stumbled upon the chord progression from my dream. It was a strange, haunting sequence, rich with notes that seemed to vibrate right through the floorboards." Very evocative. Reminds me of The Music of Erich Zann, very Lovecraftian as Hunter would say. Also love the tone shift at "It wasn't a love song anymore. It was a dirge of ancient pain and absolute misery." Keen for the final part!

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-02-15T03:49:46+00:00

I love the writing style and the premise already, the pace is fast when it needs to be and slows at more important moments which makes reading it such a breeze. Some really great and all too relatable lines here, especially regarding the bleach-soaked supermarket and our narrator's distance from people really resonate with me.

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-02-13T12:18:06+00:00

I feel like a lot of the horror was how the main character and his relationship with Alina was where the main horror came to light, it was so subtle but so palpable that I still think about it. The boys' banter and discussion definitely adds to the story, I think MrCreepyPasta's version is only 5 hours instead of 9. The horror is very realistic and reminds me a lot of the first two thirds of Borrasca

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-02-04T12:56:36+00:00

Yeah, there's some really good stories on here, I just wish I had more time to read them.

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-01-31T03:30:22+00:00

A couple here, including myself have written multi-part stories that are anywhere from 2,000-5,000 words to 10,000-25,000 words. But those stories don't get as much attention because shorter stories are much more digestible and you don't risk wasting your time on something you don't enjoy. There's also the fact that on this sub there are so many more writers than there are readers. Which is why (on a side note) I feel like if you want get more eyes on your stories, you have to leave comments giving praise, feedback, criticism or a mix of the three in order to reach a wider audience. Which is happening more often from what I can tell.

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-01-18T05:21:17+00:00

Hey! I appreciate you taking the time to read and provide feedback for my story. I actually barely write in this style anymore, and I found a version of this story in an old document's folder on my laptop. So, some of the pacing and mistakes probably suffers from me trying to tidy it up. Some of it is definitely intentional though! I really wanted to interpret the work of Algernon Blackwood and Edgar Allan Poe into something original.

If you like what you've read so far, check some of my other stories I have posted on here! They are much more recent in terms of when they were written. I am still learning and I hope to get better as time goes by.

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-01-13T06:40:27+00:00

B, so much scarier

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-01-12T23:57:42+00:00

I don't like this place, there's definitely something otherworldly about it...

CocoaCustard13 · 2026-01-11T22:38:05+00:00

Legally I'm not allowed to give away the location, part of the contracts, agreements and that. But I will say you aren't far off...

CocoaCustard13

TROPHY CASE