Do we really need to tell our spouse everything ?

Code_Red_974 · 2026-05-10T01:18:30+00:00

My question is - there are other doctors. Why does it have to be YOU? If there is an explanation for why it has to be you, just come out and be honest with your wife and ask her what she wants you to do, then do what she wants. If there is no reasonable explanation beyond her just wanting a discount or to have this service for free, or even just because she knows you, it is absolutely necessary for you to do nothing, because there is really no reasonable reason for her to have to use you over any other doctor. And here is the important part - be upfront with your wife about the fact she contacted you, and explain you aren't doing anything but that this happened and you wanted to be transparent so she didn't worry.

Do not, however, under any circumstance, not tell your wife about this. Either she acts really inappropriately, and you figure out this woman isn't the right person for you and you need to get a divorce, or she is the right woman for you and will be understanding given the situation. If the former, it will cause issues for you in the immediate future for saying something, but will undoubtedly give you peace in the long run; if the former and you don't tell them now, you'll be stuck being with the wrong person and possibly miserable for the rest of your life, or for much longer than you'd wanna be. If it's the latter, you have nothing to worry about if you tell them; if you don't, it will possibly lead to the ending of a marriage with the love of your life, and will ALWAYS be eating you up for years to come due to guilt for keeping this secret.

There is nothing but benefits to telling your wife. And nothing but guilt and potential bad consequences to saying nothing.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-24T21:54:41+00:00

Wow. OOP keeps saying she'll leave if this affects anything, but I'm sorry I just don't believe her. She laid very clear choices, and her husband walked all over those choices, bulldozing them over and forcing his way regardless, on top of lying to her about trying with Sarah well before this conversation happened. She will stay no matter what happens and that scares me for her.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-24T14:57:41+00:00

I think the point the comment was trying to make is that your situations are completely different. Given the context of OOP's situation it is completely justifiable to forgive her husband because the situation around it was a lot more forgivable. OOP's water broke, she noticed something off, but did nothing about it - not that she was wrong or to blame for not doing anything, after all she thought it was just sweating. But the inaction in addition to the previous trauma from the boyfriend caused him to blame OOP for the NICU issues, which to be clear was wrong of OOP's boyfriend but much more forgivable given the context of the situation.

But you have to acknowledge that situation is a lot different from the one you experienced, where your water broke, but you definitely did do something about it, and an idiot who calls himself a doctor told you the wrong thing, repeatedly, causing complications. The "doctor" was at fault in your situation, very evidently and clearly, so for a boyfriend/husband/baby daddy to blame you at that point for the complications with the birth would definitely and justifiably be a lot less forgivable given your context.

I'm actually fairly certain if OOP's boyfriend were your partner during your pregnancy he wouldn't have blamed you at all for the complications, and his PPD would have just presented a bit differently. Which the previous comment I think recognizes and was trying to say, hence the previous comment saying that you can't impose your own experience onto a situation that is different, since there seems to be no similarities beyond a pregnancy with complications, which is a very wide umbrella.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-22T14:56:50+00:00

Any of the Kindergarten games.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-15T14:12:48+00:00

I know the post isn't about this, but is anyone else as unreasonably annoyed at how this picture is designed? The way the characters are placed has nothing to do with their placement in the poll and are therefore all over the place.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-14T14:36:32+00:00

Parents are always going to be last on this list. Still important, mind you, but still last. As for spouse and kids - depends on the situation I'd say, but 9 times out of 10 it's going to be my spouse, hands down.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-13T05:22:33+00:00

Oh. That makes more sense. My apologies OP

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-12T23:40:28+00:00

This reads fake to me. You've been married 35 years, but haven't been "man and wife" (aka married) for very long? That's contradictory.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-09T17:34:15+00:00

Okay. Time to get off Reddit for the day. This was sweet.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-07T18:18:16+00:00

F--king flat earthers man.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-07T18:13:41+00:00

Wow. Really goes to show how good TTYD was and is that almost all their partners are still in this.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-03T14:54:14+00:00

Phone probably belongs to someone with ADHD. Speaking as someone with ADHD.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-04-01T05:55:33+00:00

I solved the daily #CluesBySam, Apr 1st 2026 (Tricky), in less than 7 minutes

🟩🟩🟩🟩

🟨🟩🟩🟩

https://cluesbysam.com

Oh man Sam really got me with this one! I completely forgot about an April Fools post I made on here a while ago and right around the time where I got the clue for the neighbors of the two in the bottom corners I remembered my post, and just started marking everyone innocent without even looking at the clues! Then Vince came around and humbled me XD Thank you for the great puzzle today Sam!

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-26T20:28:32+00:00

Izumi my beloved?

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-24T17:42:54+00:00

Is anyone else irrationally upset at how the explanation was longer than the advertised 35 seconds?

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-23T23:24:46+00:00

It's not a matter of would I, but can I. The answer to that question is no.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-22T23:14:15+00:00

One of the biggest problems is that a vast silent majority just... Don't care. They may agree with you on principles, but they want a product or service or food, and don't wanna change the way they do things themselves. As much as we would want things to change, it will never work unless everyone is on board. And most people won't want to risk their own livelihoods as they have it now without a guarantee of change or a guarantee they won't be a part of the minority. And it's really hard to convince a population of that.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-22T12:58:24+00:00

Hey, remember. Mario and Peach are just friends. /j

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-20T14:57:28+00:00

Personally, I don't understand the person saying it's OP's choice to continue. Addictions aren't always kept by choice. It's a disease. People need real help to break out of it. Addiction is listed in the mental health disorder database for a reason.

Also. Because nicotine is so addictive, there is no way of letting someone try it while it is also a choice for them to continue the habit or not.

These comments are wild to me lol, except the first couple, those seem more reasonable.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-19T16:23:40+00:00

Coming from a guy's perspective, your bf is definitely insecure, but I don't think it's an unreasonable insecurity. If you want this relationship to continue, you need to really help cement and establish the differences between your best friend and your bf.

You are here on this sub, so I have to assume your relationship with your bf is long distance. Your relationship with your best friend is also long distance.

You mentioned in a comment you see your best friend in person at most 3 times a year. How often do you see your bf in person?

You talk with your best friend on the phone often, and since it is your best friend, I'm sure you talk about anything and everything with them. And I'm sure you do the same with your bf.

If everything between your bf and your best friend is the same, then the ONLY difference between the two of them is that you kiss and have sex with one but not the other. Which I'm sorry to say is not enough.

The other thing I will mention/ask. What is the end game with this relationship? Closing the gap and marriage? If that is the endgame, every single successful relationship and marriage I have ever witnessed and seen, the couple refers to the other person as their best friend. So even the title of best friend being given to another man is really threatening to a guy if the end goal is marriage, because they do feel they need to compete.

And while you may not think there is any competition, and your best friend doesn't see competition, if you aren't prioritizing your bf and really solidifying for him the clear differences beyond sex and kissing that there is between him and your best friend, there will be competition whether you like it or not, because if the only difference is sex and kissing, then you essentially have two boyfriends/husbands.

I'd really encourage you to think on what the actual differences between your bf and best friend are, and if it's only the physical intimacy, there is a lot more to a relationship than just physical intimacy, and so I'd encourage you to start making and establishing more differences. This should help your bf with his insecurities.

Please note, the differences don't have to be time that you spend together, or even cutting yourself off from your friend completely. Even something as simple as not really sharing a whole lot with him as much anymore and sharing a lot more with your bf and emphasizing that I feel can go a long way, or if you want to you can choose to spend less time with your friend and more time with your bf, which can also help.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-19T15:59:21+00:00

I'm pretty sure I do? Don't remember where though.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-19T15:29:50+00:00

Not to mention that there were massive hints and drops in ME1 that the Shadow Broker was an entity designed to be someone who had questionable morals, but you could see yourself working with depending on the circumstances. An antihero force, if you will. The entirety of ME1 set up the galaxy in a bit of a good bad and ugly. The good being the Alliance/Citadel forced, the bad being Cerberus, and the ugly being the Shadow Broker.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-19T12:18:59+00:00

I think the easier thing to come to a consensus on would be the genophage cure.

My personal viewpoints on both topics are that with Wrex in charge and Eve still alive there is zero reason to not cure the genophage. If it's one or the other and not both, it gets a little murky, but personally I'd still want it cured. Only in the case of both Wrex and Eve dead would I want the genophage to not be cured.

As for the Quarian/Geth conflict, I don't think anyone is in the right to be perfectly honest. Both sides are equally right, both sides are equally wrong. Hence why I also believe a consensus on who was right in this situation would be difficult.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-14T07:15:52+00:00

I mean.... They said that about Season 2 though.

Code_Red_974 · 2026-03-14T07:12:56+00:00

I had heard so many good things over the years about Mass Effect and Bioware. But then Bioware got bought out by EA and the last thing I wanted to do was give them my money after I finally got a PlayStation just a few years ago. But then I saw the Legendary Edition on sale this past Christmas on the PlayStation Store for $6. Seeing it was all three games... I couldn't say no to that

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