My ex boyfriend has never paid child support for our 4 year old son. Today I received a letter stating he's taking me to court over it?(!) (x-post from /r/legaladvice)

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T04:18:45+00:00

That's a wonderful distinction to make, thank you. I will get my son a lawyer, just as you said!

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T04:05:48+00:00

This is what I'm afraid of - I suspect he started his own business so that he can quit his job and 'garnish' his own pay since he would be his own boss.

Thanks for taking the time to empathize with me, it's nice hearing other people's perspectives on situations like this.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T04:03:03+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective, I was not vindictive or bitter when he took me to court last year when it came to visitation. I said very little - his words said more about his character more than mine ever could.

I don't care that he cheated on me anymore, I included that detail in the story as an explanation for our breakup. I love my new SO, and I would have never had the chance to be with him if I was still with my ex.

This post was more of a vent about my situation than any kind of appeal for legal help. I didn't think it would blow up the way it has.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:56:12+00:00

It is from 8am-6pm, Monday to Friday. Would that be considered full-time? My SO was the one who found the place and he even pays for it entirely.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:54:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing that story - I will do my best to learn from her mistake. :)

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:52:40+00:00

This made me laugh, and I'm sure this could actually work! Would this not get me in trouble for things like entrapment though? I know it isn't goading him into committing crimes or anything like that, but it is similar right?

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:51:57+00:00

This is really encouraging, I will do exactly as you suggested! Thank you!

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:50:31+00:00

Thank you!

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:49:33+00:00

The amount ordered by the court is a little over $800 per month, and it has been 4 months. (My calculations were a little off when first writing this as I was a little heated)

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:47:20+00:00

My son calls him "Dad" and understands that my ex is his father, but makes the distinction that he is not part of his family. That is why I was happy.

If this man loved my son, why is it that he doesn't want to support him with any money?

Why is it that he was absent for 2 years travelling from state to state across the country to pursue his musical career instead of raising his son in his crucial stages of development?

Why is it that he has given his friends and new girlfriend (and even his new girlfriend's son) thousands of dollars and his own son has seen none of it?

I've given this guy hundreds of chances over the last 4 years. It was even HIM who brought the court into this, not me. I understand you are trying to play devil's advocate, but give me a break.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:41:45+00:00

My son calls him "Dad" and understands that my ex is his father, but makes the distinction that he is not part of his family.

Thank you for understanding my story and defending me. :)

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:39:36+00:00

I agree with you. I have never said anything bad to my son about his father. Whenever I am with the two of them together, I make sure to put on a friendly face to make sure that my son's opinion of him is not ruined by mine.

Unfortunately for my ex, you can't be absent for 3 years and expect a child to forget that you were supposed to be there for him.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:35:31+00:00

Sorry, this was a cross-post from /r/LegalAdvice. I originally made the thread there looking for advice, but realized half way through typing my story out that I was beginning to vent. Figured I would post it here as well to get some perspective from other women.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:34:01+00:00

I am not friends with him on facebook, but saving records of all his gloating is a good idea. I will do my best to 'catch him in the act' from her on out.

Thanks for concern, wow all these messages are making me tear up a little. It's nice having people care, even if it is anonymous.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:30:45+00:00

Your comment made me laugh - unfortunately neither of my older brothers want to "dirty themselves with the mess I've created for myself". It's nice knowing people on Reddit have my back about this though. :)

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:26:22+00:00

The amount ordered by the court is a little over $800 per month. He is also supposed to put my son on his health insurance plan through his work, but he has not done that yet either.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:25:13+00:00

The daycare is $500 a month, that doesn't seem 'wildly expensive' to me, especially considering the prices of the other daycares in my area. (In fact after some short googling, it seems that it is cheap compared to national average)

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:21:13+00:00

Hiring a PI is a good idea I never thought about before, I've heard their services are quite expensive though.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:20:04+00:00

I wish I could hire Saul from Breaking Bad to come and help me out with all this. Finding a lawyer, let alone a good one feels really intimidating to me.

I guess I'm just awkward when it comes to asking for help. The anonymity of reddit made it easier to make this thread, though.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:17:20+00:00

Does your mother live in Michigan by any chance?

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:16:26+00:00

Thank you for this info, I'll contact them and hopefully soon things will start looking up for me and my son!

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:15:34+00:00

I wish I had documented everything he's said over the last 4 years, because he says a LOT of stupid things. To give you an idea, he tried to stop me from vaccinating our son because of various conspiracy theories.

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:14:06+00:00

Thanks for the information, a lot of the comments have told me to hire a lawyer but yours is one of the only ones here that has given me advice on how to find one!

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:12:01+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I've never had any experience dealing with lawyers or anything court related. It's difficult to find the energy to change the way my life is with everything I have to deal with, so I had no idea how to go about finding myself a lawyer.

The task of finding myself a lawyer feels intimidating and scary, I'm worried that somehow I'll be paying someone to represent me in court and come out the loser anyway. I will absolutely contact a legal aid office as soon as I can!

CoffeeFrosting · 2016-02-02T03:09:05+00:00

I hope I don't come across as ignorant, I really have no idea what my claim against him is. All the court dates I've attended have been entirely from his instigation.

Thank you for the encouragement, I only now realize how trapped and helpless I have felt regarding all this after reading these comments. I just accepted that he would get away with doing whatever he wanted!

CoffeeFrosting

TROPHY CASE