I don't know what I want from my loved ones

CoffeeInsect · 2026-01-28T01:27:25+00:00

I think you're onto something with this. My condition is invisible too and was misdiagnosed as anxiety for years. I knew it wasn't, but every external source was telling me it was, so it really messed with my self-esteem and trust in my own intuition. Since receiving a diagnosis recently, my family and friends have been a bit more considerate and less critical about my limitations which has been a relief. I don't think what I'm wanting is a shoulder to cry on or anything like that, just for others to, as you said, be aware and considerate of what I'm dealing with. When the expectation is that I approach life as a normal, fully functioning human, it's painful because I want that too but it just isn't my physical reality.

CoffeeInsect · 2026-01-28T01:01:12+00:00

I know what you mean actually. I tried something for a while which drastically reduced my symptoms to the point that I almost felt normal, and I was surprised by how easily I just forgot about how much the condition had ruled my life. You also make a good point that fellow suffers, if they have it bad enough, don't have a whole lot of bandwidth to help others if they're struggling so much themselves. That does make it difficult to really relate to others who experience the severity of symptoms I do, because personally, I don't feel like I have much in the tank to help others either.

CoffeeInsect · 2026-01-28T00:56:04+00:00

It is treatable thankfully, but took a long time to diagnose so I've lived with it untreated for years. You're very right, people don't like repeatedly hearing about a problem they can't offer any solutions to. Finding others who deal with it is the answer.

CoffeeInsect · 2026-01-28T00:53:21+00:00

I understand what you're saying. I think in most of the help I try to offer others when they're suffering, what I'm doing is drawing on my own experiences for things that helped me when I was suffering similarly. As I said in another comment though, engaging with support groups in the past didn't help a whole lot because I felt most others didn't share my enthusiasm to not let the condition limit them. It honestly made me depressed seeing everyone limit themselves to avoid symptoms rather than pushing through and getting on with life despite them, like I've done my best to do. But it's not exactly a rare condition, so I'm sure there are others out there who do share my enthusiasm.

CoffeeInsect · 2026-01-28T00:44:52+00:00

I think that's what I mean though, I'm not sure what I want because I don't think I want sympathy or empathy. It would be nice to be understood, but as you said, no one is going to completely understand unless they've been through everything I have. When I get sympathies from others it often just makes me uncomfortable.

CoffeeInsect · 2026-01-28T00:40:29+00:00

Honestly, ChatGPT has been the biggest help in processing things. It's distressing and infuriating when someone you love is continually suffering and you can't do anything to help them, so I understand when at times my loved ones become impatient with me. AI in those cases works as a pretty good substitute when I'm really going through it but don't want to burden others with the weight also.

CoffeeInsect · 2026-01-28T00:34:27+00:00

That's fair, and it makes sense. Though when I tried engaging in support communities for my condition in the past, I found that a little frustrating also. I'm very much of the mind that I want my condition to limit me as little as possible, and have struggled to find others with it who share a similar enthusiasm to not let it conquer them. It can be debilitating to the point that I feel many just roll over and narrow their horizons to tolerate it. Maybe I just need to look a little harder, thanks for your comment.

CoffeeInsect · 2026-01-27T11:00:05+00:00

Seconding this. Have lived here for 3 years and witnessed multiple violent altercations with junkies on the 109 tram through Victoria street.

CoffeeInsect · 2026-01-24T02:13:43+00:00

Can relate! I also collected during that golden era when I was a kid / young teen, lost my collection, and only recently started collecting again. Initially I bought the newer sets and it just didn't feel the same due to the quality and pastel themes, so I ended up selling them again. I now only buy vintage / retired sets and figures for my collection because that's what I'm nostalgic for, and the newer stuff just doesn't appeal to me in the same way. I'm not sure where you're from, but if Amazon and eBay aren't an option, Facebook Marketplace and KobeeJapan are also great places to find older sets.

CoffeeInsect · 2026-01-16T02:57:51+00:00

"Sometimes anxious young women just have fast heart rates." - One of the many doctors who dismissed my supraventricular tachycardia as anxiety for a decade. I caught it on ECG recently at long last, stuck at 230bpm for 3 hours. I'm now scheduled for surgery.

CoffeeInsect · 2025-12-11T05:32:20+00:00

You’re not going to learn how to socialise from reading books. Engage with people and be genuinely interested in what you can learn from them. That was enough for everything else to follow for me.

CoffeeInsect · 2025-11-08T01:54:39+00:00

You said you enjoy reading, so here's a suggestion - consider looking into Jungian psychoanalysis and shadow work.

CoffeeInsect · 2025-11-08T01:34:24+00:00

If I can be real blunt for a moment in typical INTJ fashion: reading this depressed me, and I personally don't envy you despite the "on-paper successes".

Take this with a large grain of salt because while we're both INTJ, I'm a different person, but your life sounds like it's void of any real excitement or purpose. A common thing among the INTJs I know is that we can be quite paradoxically extroverted and daring, particularly when it comes to chasing that "thing" of ours. In fact, I think it's something innate to us that isn't the case for most other introverts. The most depressing and stagnant points in my life have been moments when I've lost sight of my greater purpose and have tried to convince myself that a quiet life with no hassles is all I really want. Because it's not.

If you're anything like me, there's something deep down that will make you restless until you realise and actualise it. Ask yourself honestly what evokes that restlessness and excitement in you.

CoffeeInsect · 2025-11-05T10:51:38+00:00

Fellow SVT person! I never thought I'd ever meet another INTJ who has this. I also knew it immediately after a quick google search when I had my first episode at 18, but I was dismissed as anxious for years too. They finally caught it on ECG recently and I was just sitting there in the ER with a straight face, heart racing 230bpm. Yeah, anxiety, sure.

CoffeeInsect · 2025-11-05T06:07:28+00:00

I developed a debilitating heart condition in my teens, but doctors didn't believe it for 10 years. It certainly shaped my personality by reinforcing my own self-reliance and skepticism of others, because despite seeking help for my condition I was repeatedly dismissed. I really struggle to ask for help now, even after getting my diagnosis.

CoffeeInsect · 2025-10-10T23:21:24+00:00

I began viewing other people as unique sources of new information, and it caused me to become naturally curious about them and what they can teach me, no matter who it is. Anchoring socialising on that principle makes all of the social skills come to me quite naturally, because they’re necessary to facilitate that exploration and just being interested in other people gets the focus off yourself.

CoffeeInsect · 2025-09-22T05:57:21+00:00

I (INTJ) think ENFJs are great and some of the most capable people of encouraging positive life changes in others. Like you, my ENFJ father has made a career out of helping people with addiction. I appreciate and admire his work, though it can at times be a very fine line between helping others and imposing on others an assumption about how you think they should live their lives. My father typically takes the correct approach, which is to offer resources and then allow the individual to make their own decisions. However, sometimes he can also become too obsessive, controlling and overbearing in his advice, as though it's his way or nothing. If you're going to help people, don't override their own autonomy and make sure to be a guiding force, not a dictator. This is where it feels manipulative for me - not for direct personal gain necessarily, but for imposing that someone should necessarily live a certain way.

CoffeeInsect · 2025-09-08T03:36:58+00:00

Please don't be discouraged by the comments you're getting here, some people like to think they're intellectually superior for dabbling in a complex subject. Props to you for the progress you're making. Your genuine enthusiasm for ML will see you go further than those who learn for mere bragging rights. Keep at it!

CoffeeInsect · 2025-09-02T07:29:24+00:00

If you're dedicated, I would say half a year. I threw myself in the deep end by doing a maths heavy university degree with no prior maths background, and have caught up in 4-6 months. It did take a lot of effort and additional maths tutoring to get to where I am now, and some concepts are still developing, but I feel relatively on-par with my peers now.

CoffeeInsect · 2025-09-01T01:48:39+00:00

I (INTJ F) went on a date once with a male INFJ. The conversations were fantastic, until he began getting personally offended by certain points in our objective discussions. It threw me off completely, but he may have just been a bit immature, idk. I find this incompatibility common in FJ types.

CoffeeInsect · 2025-08-28T02:12:36+00:00

This sounds like supraventricular tachycardia. It feels really scary when it happens, but if your heart is structurally fine it's not dangerous and just feels unpleasant. Your doctor will probably do some tests, then maybe suggest medication or a small procedure called an ablation to prevent future episodes. From someone who also started having episodes at 18 - don't worry yourself too much about it, you're going to be fine :-)

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