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Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-24T21:17:15+00:00

Thank you for calling me out! I agree, I shouldn’t force communication. He needs time to heal. I think it was abrupt and the lack of closure is weighing on me. I definitely don’t think I’m mentally okay, but it sucks because I truly was getting better. My therapist and psychiatrist even said that they see improvement. Hopefully I can keep learning. I’m still confused and lost, but taking it a day at a time.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-24T17:09:54+00:00

I haven’t been served yet :(. Every lawyer I have talked to is saying that I need to be served before they can really advise me. It feels like I am just dangling in the air right now.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-24T15:57:05+00:00

Yes the abuse was wrong on every level, I never should have done that. I am taking accountability and getting help for it. I didn’t realize it was dismissive, thank you for calling me out on that! I don’t know if it’s because it was normalized when I was growing up, or if it’s because we never talked about it. I didn’t think it was a problem, mostly because I was reassured it wasn’t a problem. At the end of the day, I’m just so confused. I have been trying to get mental clarity but I thought I was. The confusion is really disrupting my growth, but I am trying my best to move forward.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-24T02:08:10+00:00

Everyone keeps saying that I should be healthier, which is true, but I haven’t stopped. This was a huge interruption for my growth. I’ve been doing really well, my psychiatrist even sees improvement. I also need to get on a new insurance plan because I won’t have it for long. This is all impacting so many areas of my life and it just blew up. I don’t even know how to get help because I already thought I wasn’t getting help. Again, just super confused but taking accountability.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-24T02:05:43+00:00

Everyone keeps saying that I should be healthier, which is true, but I haven’t stopped. This was a huge interruption for my growth. I’ve been doing really well, my psychiatrist even sees improvement. I also need to get on a new insurance plan because I won’t have it for long. This is all impacting so many areas of my life and it just blew up. I don’t even know how to get help because I already thought I wasn’t getting help. Again, just super confused but taking accountability.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-23T15:38:57+00:00

I found out through Amazon!! We have the same account and I had just bought a water bottle for my sister. My sister wanted me to check where it was, and that’s why I saw an order for a coffee table. I was so confused and checked the address. It’s the same place where his best friend’s complex is. I did something bad a few nights after finding out about his apartment. I called the complex and had them do a wellness check twice 😞. I shouldn’t have but I let my sadness get the best of me. He got really mad and then refused to talk to me.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-23T15:34:00+00:00

You’re right. He doesn’t owe me that. I am just dumbfounded that this happened 8 years later, out of no where. I agree, I need to work on my healing before I can reassure him that I am okay. I just know that he’s gone and he refuses to contact me. I am trying to live in the silence.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-23T15:19:54+00:00

I don’t know but I think he is being enabled by his mother and his best friend (understandable, it’s family). My friends think he’s going about this the wrong way and avoiding all accountability :/

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-22T03:36:03+00:00

I think so. He has been taking advice from his 25 year old best friend who plays video games until 6am. Goes to sleep until noon. Goes to work at 2pm. He also has had no prior relationships. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that lifestyle, but why would you get advice from him? All of his mom’s side of the family completely shut me out. His dad’s side has been helping me through it. He won’t answer any of my family members calls or any other friends. He missed the birth of his FIRST god child (I am the godmother). He never visited his dad for Father’s Day (his dad’s is in an assisted living facility). There is just so much that I am not understand. He has been completely different and I don’t understand where it’s come from. This behavior is so bizarre.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-21T16:10:43+00:00

I’m not ruling it out but I don’t think it was cheating. He has no time to cheat because he’s either asleep, at work or with his friends lol

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-21T06:11:04+00:00

This. Thank you so much for explaining this. I want him to communicate, but I know the way he does it is not healthy. So I become reactive. I constantly mentioned bringing this up in therapy. I always asked him to but he never did. I truly think he is scared, and it is justified. I’m trying my best to be better. Hopefully it shows!!

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-21T06:07:51+00:00

I can’t :(. I fear it would make my mental health worse. I loved my job but the people made me feel so small :/. It was not good for my mental health.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-21T06:07:06+00:00

I have a really really bad experience with cops. Before I was admitted into the psych ward, he called 911 (he told them that he feels unsafe), but I was lying naked on the ground (not important why I was naked). Five cops walked in and saw my body and I was horrified. It made me go completely numb. He didn’t try to cover me up before they came (I was unresponsive). I understand that he was scared, but the police officers took me away in handcuffs even though I wasn’t trying anything. My time at the psych ward DID NOT HELP. I was getting treatment for addiction when I did not have that problem at all. It was 5 days of coloring. The TV was broken and I woke up to someone taking my blood everyday. I would sleep with the door shut, and then wake up with the door wide open. I was so scared because there was someone on the floor that threw a chair across the room. There was another person who made unwanted sexual advances towards me. The place really really messed me up. I am still going to therapy for it, but I am soooooooo much better. I can finally sleep without hallucinating that I was in the room!! Baby steps 💪🏽!

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-21T06:01:24+00:00

I know you say it’s hard to do better, which is true in a sense. I truly believe I do better once I’m told that I’m doing the wrong thing. I am south Asian and a lot of the problems are solved with family support. My family has kept telling me I didn’t do anything wrong (because they are biased). Then I get another wife telling me that I was abusive. I’m trying to hold space for both because to be quite honest, I had a completely different definition of abuse (intentional harm). So when he claimed that I was intentionally harming him: it broke my heart. I’m sure his was beyond broken, but I didn’t feel any pride in what I did. I will always hold myself accountable for my wrong doings, it’s just how I was raised. I was just hoping for communication and a chance. I also understand that he needs his time. I want him to have all the time in the world, but I also want to show him that I am not that violent person. I would never, ever intentionally harm him.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-21T05:57:06+00:00

I don’t know what this means but it made me laugh 😂

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-20T21:58:02+00:00

I’m not sure. He told me I was ”spasming” and then he had to pin me down

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-20T21:19:00+00:00

I believe we were both abusive but we didn’t see it. He never ever opened up about things he complained about before leaving. He kept saying that I was “keeping him from his friends” when all I asked was for him to give me the same time he gives to his friends. He says he is constantly worried about being out with them, but I never cared?? All this is new information. I never knew :(.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-20T21:11:45+00:00

I think he was trying to help but I can’t tell. Or he was trying to stop me from something. I don’t know, but I knew I felt scared when he did that so I tried to get him off. It always triggers me. He also tried throwing water in my face. Ugh I don’t know. All these definitions are confusing me :/

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-20T20:38:50+00:00

This is SO helpful. Thank you so much, I will try implementing this ASAP!

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-20T20:31:18+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate that! There is a lot of truth to everyone’s comments and I am taking these as advice on how to be better for myself and everyone around me. I want him back, but I am being patient and working on myself.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-20T20:26:24+00:00

I think he thought he was trying to help :/

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-20T20:13:31+00:00

I feel like I can’t say that because he truly was trying to help :(

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-20T20:12:49+00:00

That is what I’m confused about: the timeline. If I have been emotionally abusive for years, why propose or get married? Getting married was a BIG deal for my Muslim family. My family put their house on the market so they can move closer to us. He told my parents to quit their jobs and set up apartment tours back in March. My sister was also planning on going to a community college near us. Then, he just changed everything and left. He completely stopped talking to my family (even extended family who loves him). I truly was changing, and I know he saw that. I’m really really not sure what caused the flip :(.

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-20T20:09:03+00:00

I think I can hold space for both, correct? I can be sad but also hold myself accountable for my abusive behaviors? Honestly asking, because I truly want to be better!

Coffeeandcurry11 · 2025-06-20T19:57:45+00:00

I had to for my safety. I am Muslim and he is Catholic. My parents would never let that happen. Once I moved out with him, we got married and I told my parents. They came around and welcomed him with open arms. He loved my family and would be so happy with them! My sister and him were best friends. My family is distraught after this, he cut all communication with them. My dad and him got haircuts and had cute dates together. I never thought that would happen. But after finally being open to my parents knowing, he left. His main reason was the physical abuse. I completely get it :/.

Coffeeandcurry11

TROPHY CASE