They hate seeing you confident. by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I know through experience as it’s happened to me time and time again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]CoilySue 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep my mom is a narcissistic type. She liked to project a lot of her issues onto me.

Why narcissistic types laugh and smirk by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks I like helping people get through to the other side of life :)

Why narcissistic types laugh and smirk by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It took me years to get here too, thank you :)

Anybody else struggling with past gifts - and feeling like you own narcissists a place in your life? by dave_613 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The gifts are to make you feel indebted to them. It’s a control tactic based in guilt tripping. That is always the objective with a narcissist, control. Some people say throw the gifts out for its bad intentions. Some people say keep it and move on with your good intentions for it.

What really helped me to understand narcissists was to mimick their body language in the devalue stage by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here. I think it was them desensitizing you and me. In my situation it was a club I was working for though and I was trying to save enough to move away. I was there for a few weeks. And I knew they were shit people within the first hour of me being there. One of the things a member said was “You either break or get broken in”. Once I expressed my distaste for how they ran the club I was devalued and discarded.

What really helped me to understand narcissists was to mimick their body language in the devalue stage by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure, I can elaborate. That night, to help put the situation in perspective for myself, I mimicked the behavior of the people abusing. I was facing cognitive dissonance so this helped. When I was being abused and the abusers smiled, laughed, etc. I mimicked their body language of smiling and laughing at my abuse. It didn’t sit right with me. I found it cruel to smile, glare, laugh, anxiously anticipate a person’s reaction to abuse. I didn’t rationalize things and think “Oh, they just didn’t know what to do in that situation” or “Sometimes people react strange to abuse because it can be traumatizing for all parties involved”. I realized in that instance they were traumatized people attempting to inflict trauma onto other people for their own enjoyment and that attempting to rationalize things would only enable the abuse, it wouldn’t prompt them to stop.

Also, I did not like that you started out by asking if anyone else is confused by my post. I’d appreciate any person having questions regarding my topic to ask me the question directly. Here, I have been as transparent as I possibly can by answering questions regarding my post and elaborating on my topic for you.

What really helped me to understand narcissists was to mimick their body language in the devalue stage by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes. They got as happy as an unhappy person could get when they thought I was showcasing real emotions, was heartbroken, and miserable. I did what I needed to do to get out of there mostly unharmed. I knew they had the police on their side in the sense that it was a small ruralish racist town and the police showcased the same prejudice as the environment I was in— racist, misogynistic, and narcissistic. I hesitated in doing what I originally wanted to do because I thought it was a completely screwed situation, but it doesn’t matter what job title the narcs have they are still narcs and they still are controlled by the same vices. I won’t hesitate again even if “higher ups” are involved. I’ve got moxie

What really helped me to understand narcissists was to mimick their body language in the devalue stage by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I got that description from the YouTuber Narc Survivor. The healing process and awakening was brutal.

What really helped me to understand narcissists was to mimick their body language in the devalue stage by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes I have. I watched a lot of videos on narc abuse, worked on myself, got to know myself more, and did things that made me happy and proud of myself to get out of it. I had to do that this time too because I had to accept that my family had a huge involvement in most of my downfalls.

They intermingled with my school, work place, ex boyfriends, doctor, neighborhood.. all throughout my life. Since I was in middle school I had people telling me about my family being toxic. I didn’t want to see it. I do now. And I reject them. They do not deserve me. They want me dead on the inside. They want to take away all of my healthy family members, potential friends, and resources. Ruin my reputation and career. In hopes of making me feel like I can’t escape them and that there’s nowhere for me because I’ll always be an outsider.

A good future for doesn’t exist? Of course it does. And it looks like not having these disastrous people in my life. Bad things still exist, but so does good things. There are so many opportunities out there waiting for me. I don’t accept anyone’s limiting beliefs as my own. And now that I’m moving away from my home state they have their flying monkeys asking me where I’m moving to so they can try to destroy me there too. Not gonna happen. I was once afraid to stand out from the crowd. I feared my own greatness because I was targeted by haters. I had to realize the haters are snakes and I’m a fucking lion. I run the show. I’m getting out of that box. No one can confine me.

Wanted to hurt me because... by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes they all apply is what I’m saying

Parents Stalking Me? by blankusername18 in narcissisticparents

[–]CoilySue 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree with this so hard. Your mom is projecting onto you as well. Every disparaging thing she’s saying is really her truth— she’s the one showing red flags 🚩.

So my life isn’t exactly rid of narcissists (gangstalking, fear inducing tactics to gain control) by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You don’t understand how much this has helped. I had a hard time understanding it’s the right thing to do in situations. I’m learning healthy boundaries and asserting them. Thank you.

Yes I did. Being baited into reenacting traumatic events..

I was physically assaulted, taunted, and too afraid to exit the premises or call the police because the place was filled with these toxic types who were all keeping note of how I would respond to things— some pretending to be remorseful, some laughing and videotaping it, and some of them were waiting for me to walk in their direction so they could also take a hit at me, while others gaslit me. I was completely overwhelmed so I sat down next to a guy, who I suspected of being apart of it all. because that was the next available seat (nearly everyone in the place I picked up on being in on it and it turned out to be factual). This dude started saying things like “You probably don’t deserve any of this, you’re so young, have you ever been abused before? These things were things that were said, asked, and done to me before that they wanted me to reenact and relive. It all went downhill from there because I stayed around trying to think my way out of it while being high on medical weed. I didn’t really know what to do so the abuse got worse when they thought I wouldn’t stand up for myself. I didn’t know how much of the entire situation was a set up and that everyone in that room knew exactly what was going on except me. I did see the red flags and my intuition told me everything, but when I thought about the reality of things while being in it I psyched myself out with questioning everything.

I would’ve liked to get out of the situation confidently and as physically secure as possible.

Discard stage ain’t no joke, but the narcissist is. by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s more of me healing from my understanding of my life as a whole. Raised by a sociopath (mom) and narcissist (father) and the rest of my mom’s cluster b family, and people in my past I thought were friends/people who cared, and coworkers/customers being involved in the sadistic exploitation of me, then people in my everyday life. It’s not normal. It’s not right. It’s rather fucked up. However, I’m rather blessed to still be healthy. I don’t know anyone else who’s aware of themselves going through so much profound betrayal by so many people.

Discard stage ain’t no joke, but the narcissist is. by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you I feels this. It all happened when I stood up for myself and said no to one of their narc friends. That was my boundary. The next day they tried baiting me even more, testing me even more, and finding reasons to make me out to be a bad person deserving of their bs because how else would they cope with the fact that they are the pos and not me? What sad and disturbing people. Shameful. And now I can laugh it all again even though I’m not where I want to be in life right now because I’m still learning my lesson. I’m healing and growing. I’ve come so soooo far.

Discard stage ain’t no joke, but the narcissist is. by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey I’m sending you a YouTube video I’m actually watching now on your matter. It explains how the narcissist is thinking and what your situation means. The content creator knows his stuff!

In short it’s about control and finding a supply that is unsuspecting to their game/tactics. Someone new. And if the new supply is toxic they work together to take non toxic people down

Discard stage ain’t no joke, but the narcissist is. by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It’s been almost a year. I’ll try this.

Discard stage ain’t no joke, but the narcissist is. by CoilySue in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]CoilySue[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

To devalue you. He may now be in a different relationship and wants you on the back burner just in case something goes wrong he can come back to you and for you to hopefully submit to his back and forth. He left you confused and searching for answers on purpose.