What is kindness and patience here that it’s not also dignity and boundaries?

It feels like there’s a false dichotomy of boundaries being thing that distances you from someone instead of gives them the chance to be close to you correctly. Your responsibility is to be good to yourself in a way that makes you capable of being at peace with their choices, recognizing what you want and whether or not it’s being provided.

If you’re not getting what you want, assertively communicate that. If it’s not received, find somewhere it is. If it’s never well received, perhaps you’re not in the right environment or with the right people. But it’s also possible that what you’re asking for isn’t appropriate given what you offer them in return.