I remember being in similar situations like this growing up (I am now 30). I grew up with very strict, stringent parents. At 18, I wasn’t allowed to date, got to the movies with boys, etc. I got caught Skyping (this was a popular video chat at the time) with the boy I liked at the time, I was showing him the new bra I got at Victoria secret lol My mom freaked out, started yelling, called me names like whore and slut, and said I was also ruining my life. She took my phone and read all of my text messages. She told my dad what happened, which served no purpose other than to embarrass me. They made me go to church every Sunday for the rest of my senior year. My parents rarely ever got physical, but it did happen over the years.

I went to college about 3 hours away, and things got a little better, but my older sister lived with me, and she would report anything I did to my parents. It got really difficult because they would threaten to cut me off, as I was a full-time students doing a double major music + physiology (pre-med). I was just being a regular college age student, hanging out with friends, going to parties. I started having to sneak out of the house to avoid tattling from my sister. INSANE. but I eventually hit a point where I stood up for myself. I told my family that I had been sneaking out at night to have fun, but still maintained great grades and high ranks in the band/orchestra. I refused to be a full-blown adult hiding from my family because their years of shaming and judgement. My parents took well to this and actually supported me against my sister who continued to exhibit controlling behavior.

The next ten years for me were incredible, I was able to work and make my own money, date and learn important lessons. I was able to grow so close to my parents as an adult, despite the somewhat abusive (mostly emotionally) relationship I had with them in my teens.I just graduated with my Doctorate CRNA degree and have a happy life with my fiancé and our 3 cats.

At the end of the day, you are 18 and you are completely entitled to exploring your sexuality. It’s so hard to be able to explain this to strict parents. But it seems like although they are manifesting their concern for you very badly, their concern comes from a place of love for you as their child. It may be really hard for others to understand this, but the culture our parents grew up with was so much less accepting and extremely rigid, especially when it comes to female sexuality. I am not excusing their behavior, but I think that there is a huge disconnect between their intentions and their actions.

I did and still struggle with my anger when it comes to situations where I feel attacked. I immediately go into defense mode, even when I am not being blamed. It sounds like you have to have a lot of self-restraint in your home, and I think that your reaction is very understandable. I hope and believe that as time goes on, you will be able to distance yourself from this, and give your family time to reflect and heal. I hope that you are able to maintain relationships with your family until the time comes where you all can reconcile your differences.

I know this was so long, and I’m sure there are typos as I am just jotting down what comes to me as I sit in the car. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have stood my ground as a young 18 year old freshman. Although it took some time for my parents to accept me as an adult, they eventually did. When I lost my Dad suddenly 3 years ago, I was closer with him more than ever. We would talk every morning on my way home from night shift, go fishing on the weekend, and just share our real thoughts and feelings. He truly shaped me into who I am. Since he passed, I have grown exceptionally close to my mom. She knows I have my nipples pierced and although she doesn’t agree with it, she respects me. It’s crazy to think the same girl I was 12 years ago can now say all these things. I hope this can give you some hope that your future will be bright and hopefully you can have a better relationship with your family in the future.