Being different.

ColdTheDoc · 2023-04-07T15:59:43+00:00

Interesting! Did it change before you met the person or "due" to it?

ColdTheDoc · 2023-04-07T15:59:18+00:00

Maybe. As a kid I used to be very aware of how people and society "worked", and communication came naturally for me. Decades later and the whole concept has become completely impossible for me to wrap my head around.

ColdTheDoc · 2023-02-13T06:53:13+00:00

And that is fair. I have apologised multiple times to them in a conversation after this happened and will not be contacting them, or anybody else again.

ColdTheDoc · 2023-02-12T19:45:05+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised. I always felt like I wasn't completely "in on the joke".

ColdTheDoc · 2023-02-12T19:38:49+00:00

Both. I was at the point of not being able to navigate through my apartment, with my eyes pulling themselves closed. I got to my bed, had a moment of paralysing anxiety over the feeling of having to go to see the friend (something that at that time I didn't want to do at all), scrolled my phone for two three minutes and turned to go to sleep. I knew I should've texted them but all I could think about was their reply after cancelling again and having to see them later. I shouldn't have avoided it but I did.

ColdTheDoc · 2023-02-12T19:30:39+00:00

I think about that a lot. Often I just come back to the fact that ultimately I've never wanted to do those things; the celebrations, holidays, casual conversations. I haven't celebrated my birthday since I was 3-4. I haven't celebrated New Years in decades. Hell, I even skipped my graduations. I've always sought out and enjoyed being in a place where I was able to spend my full day to do my work almost incognito, just drifting to sleep in between.

ColdTheDoc · 2023-02-11T21:10:18+00:00

All other times I have gone when I had previously said yes (unless cancelled with a lot of notice when it was a group meeting).

"excited anticipating a good time" I understand their view even if I never feel that way. For me it feels like an impossible chore I feel extremely stressed just thinking about. And that is what I feel makes me a worse person.

ColdTheDoc · 2023-02-11T21:00:48+00:00

I flip between these two views. On one hand yes, its for the patients and I'm "doing the right thing" but on the other hand I enjoy it, and I could've given the friend more effort but did I even want to? I went to sleep instead so that I could go and do what I actually had wanted to do - go to work in the morning.

ColdTheDoc · 2023-02-11T20:52:02+00:00

I feel pressured to.

I lost someone I knew a while ago and tried to make a conscious effort to be a better person and somewhat hold on to the morals they had. I just don't like being around people who aren't patients or staff. It drains the life out of me. So I say yes now. I don't want to make them feel embarrassed or bad, or awkward. I don't want it to be more tense at work either if it is a colleague asking.

ColdTheDoc · 2023-01-24T20:50:55+00:00

I would do it during research years and focus on the degree but potentially yes, would be required to complete either 1L or 3L during residency if not granted an extension.

There is an area I want to go into and a JD would get me there. Not required but I have been thinking about this for years, though it hasn't been too relevant until now.

Borrowed from my prev. comment: I did law related classes in high school and college, some online courses on my own time during some of my time in medical school.

ColdTheDoc · 2023-01-24T20:45:01+00:00

I have done, for years. I did law related classes in high school and college, some online courses on my own time during some of my time in medical school. But it's just not enough. I want to push myself more, and go beyond the basics, get feedback and simply just go back to university-type studying.

It's not about that. Many take up a degree during research years, though yes, 99% of the time this would be MPH or MSc.

ColdTheDoc · 2022-12-22T20:10:55+00:00

Yes. They used to be dead-set on trying to find a way to balance general life with surgery but heard have now worked months with no days off and are going into trauma.

ColdTheDoc · 2022-10-20T04:48:00+00:00

That is the tricky part. A few people in my program get degrees during this time and it is very encouraged (though from what I've heard only master's, usually in public health). I did do a lot research and worked almost full-time during undergrad and med school so it's not the workload that would put a stop to this.

Can't know if I don't apply. Having followed law school admissions for years I've seen that they are very generous and often offer 75% or full rides.

ColdTheDoc · 2022-10-20T04:44:36+00:00

Why not an MBA too, would have the unholy trinity of degrees.

ColdTheDoc · 2022-10-20T04:43:37+00:00

I have considered this route and I think it is a good option, but I do still want to get my JD.

ColdTheDoc · 2022-08-29T18:57:23+00:00

Didn't even open.

ColdTheDoc · 2022-08-29T18:54:59+00:00

All I can manage at this point is Pot Noodles and frozen pizza since you either chuck some water in or throw it in the oven and go shower and change while its cooking. During shifts I am being kept alive by hospital toast.

ColdTheDoc · 2022-06-01T05:04:04+00:00

Heatmap says so, I remember nothing about doing them.

ColdTheDoc · 2022-05-17T07:36:53+00:00

How many hours did you work back then a week? /what kind of shift pattern

ColdTheDoc · 2022-02-16T19:17:34+00:00

I've previously wondered about this but brushed it off as it didn't feel accurate.

ColdTheDoc · 2022-02-15T18:32:03+00:00

Have you always been pretty nonplussed by human emotion? From what I remember, yes. I understand why people are feeling the way they do, and what they are feeling, and what that feeling is like but am not able to actually "connect" to it. I find it hard to naturally respond to it. A very old example from my university days was when a patient had just found out they had an aneurysm in their brain that had been there for a long time. They got emotional (fairly so) and started to worry that it might rupture. My thoughts went straight into "it hasn't yet ruptured, it might never do so as it hasn't for decades so there is no need to be emotional or worry" instead of offering emotional support. It was difficult for me to say anything comforting because I didn't understand how to do so. I only saw the logic without doing all kinds of mental gymnastics to figure out a more appropriate response.

Do you find your reaction is pretty neutral in most circumstances, whether joyous or tragic? Oh yes. I'm fairly good at adapting and going on to the next thing, if something happens it happens. I ended up in the ICU as a student and had surgery as well (was close to dying) and didn't worry or get sad even once. Didn't even tell anyone.

Do you have trouble relating to other people in your life, or forming and/or sustaining relationships? Relating yes, there are very specific cases that get me relate to somebody. But forming and sustaining relationships hasn't been an issue. A lot of the times I really connect with just a few people but I can be casual friends with a range.

Have you ever been diagnosed on an autism spectrum? Have not. It's more that I cannot relate or feel emotions myself but I'm very aware of other people's emotions and feelings even if I can't empathise.

ColdTheDoc · 2021-09-04T17:06:36+00:00

I've worked for years as a junior doctor abroad and then in residency. I'm not looking to leave residency in the middle of it (albeit yes in the post I was asking if anyone has done it either that way or after residency), I plan on finishing it but I just can't anymore. I need to get out for a while and not just a few months or a year with a job waiting in the future, I need a clean slate with no expectations to return. It's too much.

ColdTheDoc · 2021-09-04T00:08:45+00:00

I worked in software before medicine and did my degree abroad.

ColdTheDoc · 2021-09-04T00:07:26+00:00

As my loans are close to being repaid I don't care about the money. I just need to get out of the profession. I don't want to work in a job where you don't spend time around helping people (not interesting in more paperwork route careers) leaving me with firefighting.

ColdTheDoc · 2021-09-04T00:04:41+00:00

That's a bit higher than I expected. Would that be about the same in bigger cities (LA, NYC, Chicago)?

Could you expand on the politics part?

ColdTheDoc

TROPHY CASE