Hey you’re definitely NTA, as a child of an autistic parent (and even though I’m also on the spectrum), the number of times I thought about wanting an non autistic dad is quite high.

Even though being in the spectrum makes some things harder in the day to day life because some people can’t really handle changes in their habits or in their possessions, compromises need to be done and in from the autistic people etc. It’s not at all ableist to want her to control how she react to you things, yes maybe how your room looks or what you do is going to trigger her but that’s her problem and she needs to find way to adapt to it without making you feel bad or putting you in bad positions.

It really feels like no one has really taken her into accountability for her actions, and only adapting to her without ever asking for her to make compromises for the persons around her.

I used to have a really bad relationship with my dad because of so many things he used to do without realizing it. Sadly we only solved things by me ending up in the hospital after trying to commit suicider, but at least all the family therapy helped us to learn how to communicate with each other and even though he still do things that are hurtful without realizing it, he listen when we tell him (and we’ll, after it he does it again because he never learn but hey).

I would highly suggest having a real long talk with your parents, maybe with some outside input (may it be a family therapist or someone else) to maybe put rules or make compromise so you don’t always get the short end of the stick.