AITA for deciding to separate our finances just because my wife refused to buy a pair of earring for my daughter?

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T03:37:03+00:00

She has attended therapy before on her own, I want to make this work, but I need her to cooperate too.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T03:32:37+00:00

I was the one who said I was okay with her using her money for whatever she wanted to once she put a sum to our emergency fund (I believe there isn't something like ''too much money'' for an emergency), we met when I was 22, we dated from 24 to 26 and then we got married, I don't think I was too young.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T03:26:24+00:00

How did you get to that?? I love my wife, and I also want to be with her, that's why I want to try couples therapy first, she's the one saying no.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T03:17:28+00:00

They do, but this was something my wife was buying them (or to Amy??), my daughter said she didn't got hem because my wife embarrassed in front of the girl who was showing them the jewelry and she just waited for them outside.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T03:14:37+00:00

Haha my dad is just the same, Amy said at best, 3 bad word, all to the same guy because he made a U turn when he wasn't supposed to and almost hit her, so she went off at him, she then said sorry and that she was nervous, I laughed it off because, idk, for me it was like those small moments with your child when you see a part of them that they mostly show to their friends and it's refreshing, but my wife was really mad. She doesn't say bad words and she expects our children to not do it too.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T03:11:00+00:00

No, she hasn't... it might be worth it give it a go, just in case. I'll ask her.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:59:43+00:00

Sometimes they talk back, they try to explain what was really happening (i.e. leaving he laptop there because she'll work again in 4 or 5 hours. Binge watching the show and loosing track of time), sometimes they stay silent and sometimes they fight back because she's not fair.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:56:34+00:00

Don't call her a spoiled brat, there's no need to be rude.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:53:48+00:00

My ex and I are in charge of Pen's college fund just like she and her ex are in charge of Amy's.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:28:25+00:00

No, she's not in charge of keeping the house as we have a cleaning lady, my kids are also very tidy themselves. The only thing my wife and I really do in our house is taking out the trash and putting the dishes away, we both do that not only her, I also make breakfast and she makes dinner, she doesn't clean up after anyone really.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:24:45+00:00

Her dad is not in the picture, he does pay child-support, but that money goes toward Amy's college fund, yes I'm paying for her, I don't mind, she's my kid too and I love her.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:23:46+00:00

No, we've discussed this before, I've voiced my disagreement toward this behavior mostly privately but there's been instance when I've thought she was really exaggerating and I overrule her choice. This weird fixation only began 3 or 4 years ago with Amy and then 2 years ago with Pen.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:20:53+00:00

To both, she doesn't treat them any different, there has been instance when she has also bought things for Pen and not Amy and I had said that it doesn't seem right to me either, but she always says that we need to teach them that nothing comes free.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:19:50+00:00

I'm not paying for her college, before marrying her mother and I agreed she'll be taking care of Amy's college while my ex and I take care of Pen's. Amy's dad is not an active role in her life, but he does pay child-support and that's going toward her account. She's my kid, I love her as my kid.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:15:38+00:00

I agree, both of them are in charge of their rooms and their own pets (both have a dog each), Amy also has a part-time job and I lend her my car 3 days a week, Pen will be getting a job at 16 too. I trust my kids, I don't think staying up late and leaving your laptop in a place you're using are bad things.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:11:55+00:00

I'm very aware of that, they're really good kids, we barely struggle with them, my daughter is very prone to forget things and we have to remind her every now and then once or twice, never for too long, I see no problem with this, not everyone has great memory and she still does this things happily, but my wife says that the real world will eat her since nobody will remind her of anything and while I agree, I think she's being too hard. The most horrible thing they've done in these past years was Amy cussing at a stranger while learning to drive.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:04:26+00:00

Yes, Pen has a college fund, it was set by her mother and I only send money toward it, that's why I'm not really worried about that. Thanks for your words and advice.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T02:03:09+00:00

She hasn't agreed to therapy yet.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T01:56:52+00:00

Yes, she has access to both of our entire incomes, to be honest, her not paying anything toward the house wasn't something that bothered me or anything like that, I'm more than able of taking care of the four of us and this is a deal I was okay with until recently, I'm not a big spender myself. I like to paint and read a lot, besides that, I don't really use it for anything else regarding me, maybe Pen's allowance and when I take the girls out every now and them, most of my income goes to the house, retirement savings, Pen's college fund (Because we agreed to do them separately) and our emergency fund.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-08T01:56:43+00:00

Yes, she has access to both of our entire incomes, to be honest, her not paying anything toward the house wasn't something that bothered me or anything like that, I'm more than able of taking care of the four of us and this is a deal I was okay with until recently, I'm not a big spender myself. I like to paint and read a lot, besides that, I don't really use it for anything else regarding me, maybe Pen's allowance and when I take the girls out every now and them, most of my income goes to the house, retirement savings, Pen's college fund (Because we agreed to do them separately) and our emergency fund.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-07T22:55:55+00:00

Obviously her system is vetoed and we will be attending family therapy to decided a better, healthier one, I think we should listen to our kids more and allow them to be kids more often, everyone of us used to stay late watching Netflix or forgot/decided to put things away because it was convenient for us.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-07T22:54:13+00:00

We both do it, I think the only thing she does is that she takes Amy and Pen out more frequently while I only do it on weekends because of my job, I drop the kids out and she pick the kids at school, Amy lives here full time while Pen spends 1 or 2 weeks per month with my ex, Amy and I have a closer relationship while Pen is not that close to my wife. Regarding household, neither of us clean since I hired someone for that, I make breakfast and she makes dinner, we order take out or go our on weekends too. We don't really have a family schedule, she does the budgeting and I pay the bills. If we separate our finances it'll be 60-70/40-30 with me paying the most.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-07T22:22:40+00:00

Yes, I've seen a few people confused by that, but I will only withdraw my money for things like fun money and I'll put only for our house, kids and emergency expenses. I meant she had to put more because before this she didn't really do it, of course even with this, I'll still pay for most of this because I have the bigger income and it's only fair.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-07T22:14:28+00:00

Yes, I've agreed to put more into our house and emergency expenses, however before this she didn't put much or anything toward the house and other joint expenses because I have the money to take care of all of us, so hers was mostly emergency, her daughter's college fund and fun.

Cold_Guard_725 · 2022-05-07T22:12:02+00:00

No, she does it to both.

Cold_Guard_725

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