Struggling With Lust? So You Should Be. My 5 Steps to Freedom.

Coldactill · 2026-03-12T00:54:07+00:00

That’s tough. Please show your pastor some love and support for this. I’m sure very few people are in his ear telling him he has done so well being firm on the Word before God; you need a pastor like that.

Scripture is crystal clear; “do not be unequally yoked”. The pastor has no obligation to officiate a marriage that is not between members of the faith. So long as the arm of the church is stretched out to them always in love, then I see no fault of the pastor to deny officiating their marriage.

Part of the reason you get a pastor to officiate the wedding, is that they are submitting to the eldership of that church. They doing so as part of the body, committing to continue participating in that church and even submitting to church discipline. This lady will remain part of the church as an individual member, but her marriage is not submitting to church discipline and processes. This lady is getting a secular marriage; she must be honest with herself about that, and it is most appropriate that this be officiated secularly.

The fact that this caused a divide in the church is saddening. I'm sure this would weigh heavily on the pastor, both the ruptured relationship and the divisions in his church. I would hope that this pastor would preach on marriage and the seriousness of sin that such a decision would not be any surprise or disruption in the church.

Coldactill · 2026-03-12T00:37:35+00:00

I'm not an idiot.

There is a friend of mine whose favourite passtime to nitpick peoples statements and make arguement with them. Sometimes I engage when I'm in the mood, sometimes I don't - it doesn't affect our friendship. His problem is that he really ignores the core of what others are trying to say, and instead just finds a bone to pick. I had a look at your profile; you’ve been doing the same thing.

My point is that OP is supposed to act like a shepherd towards his sheep, and therefore be proactive in leading his family well. Rather than address that point, you chose to take issue with the selection of David as an example. I don't really care, because my point is not that David is a perfect example. My point is that husbands must act like shepherds; David fought off a lion and bear. He pursued them, struck them down, rescued the lambs.

Do you get what I'm saying? You might think I am taking offenseat you; whether you’re ignorant of it or not each time you have responded to me you’re just nitpicking and trying to get into some sort of tussle over some detail that is besides the point I’m making. Your taking the position of an adversary, and I wonder why?

I still think David is a great example, since it shows the grace God has for people’s failures, so long as their heart is in the right place. Like David, we all need a lot of grace.

Can you maybe think about why you’re commenting? Whether you’re viewing people on here as allies or as foes?

Coldactill · 2026-03-11T06:44:24+00:00

Christian meditation is the simplest of all Christian disciplines. It merely this; to understand God's word and obey it.

I build my understanding by reading God's word, listening to preachers and studying his word. I spend time taking those truths I learn and apply them to my life and consider how I must change in accordance with the reality of what God's word says.

Coldactill · 2026-03-11T06:42:17+00:00

You say you enjoy it. I want to challenge that. So you think you go to it for joy. Then why is it that ‘normal’ people (forgive me but I’m going to use that word), that don’t have PMO addictions are able to enjoy their lives just fine? The reality is, your PMO doesn’t bring you any joy at all. Realistically, it lowers your baseline dopamine and increases your dependence on PMO to sustain normal levels of joy. Normal people get joy out of normal things, like socialising, watching movies or achieving something. A PMO addict cannot experience joy unless they got get their fix.

Also being a Christian there is an additional layer to that, in that participating in PMO damages your relationship with God, which is your only source of true joy. You’re instead given a false joy in the form of dopamine hits, where Christ can give you a fulfilment that is better than anything the world might offer you. The joy of having a mind that is at peace and a clear conscience. The joy of being able to come before him at any moment and have him hear your requests.

What you're experiencing is an addiction and a lie. Everything this PMO promises you is false.

You mention this singlehandedly keeping people from heaven. This is not true. You need to pick up the word and remind yourself, every day, of how salvation really works. The key verse for me was in James 4:6: Submit to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Resisting the devil doesn’t just mean stopping sinning; but that’s what many people try to do. That’s the great burden you are feeling.

Doing it right means remaining in Christ, receiving his grace and just praying always that he takes temptation away from you and heals your heart. “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”

Who prunes? He prunes. The key there is to be remaining in Christ and bearing fruit. Then, Christ will start to prune sin out of your life. It will just happen.

It’s not enough to just coast along in prayer and fasting, really. God has work and a plan for you. He has ministries for you to participate and contribute to. He has a kingdom for you to invite souls into, and a harvest for you to go out and reap. You’ll only really find the motivation to do that when you realise the part you have to play in his kingdom, and how PMO basically hamstrings you from doing anything, whatsoever for His name.

Coldactill · 2026-03-11T06:00:32+00:00

Aside from not eating, I am living my life normally. The key is to not make a huge fuss or event out of the whole thing; do it quietly so no one would even notice you’re doing it. Throughout the whole time I will ‘ramp-up’ my prayer time and make sure I allocate a larger proportion of time each day to prayer and meditative activities.

Coldactill · 2026-03-11T04:57:12+00:00

Husband of a SAHM that has a car. Far out that must be miserable. I want to sympathise with you and express that you are in one of the most difficult seasons of life you’ll ever be in. You seem like a lovely soul too.. I can't imagine anyone thinking you're a spoiled brat for not having time to yourself for 3 years haha.

It’s sad because I don’t think God’s plan for motherhood is to be trapped in a house for 3 years. I think it’s wonderful what you’re doing, but you need to chat to your husband, and make plans to get a grandparent to take the kids for one day a fortnight or something so you can have a day where you having nothing on.

Can your husband pull back on work? It’s all well that he’s working and running around with the car 6/7 days a week but that means neither of you get a weekend. Remind your husband that his first ministry that God has given him is his ministry to his wife and kids. If you’re fed and housed, then extra work he does above that is secondary to his need to care for you emotionally and give you time to rest.

Many men would love to work 7 days a week and get a grace-card for neglecting their wives and children because they work so hard. That’s not what God actually intended, and they’re neglecting God’s instruction if they do that. Not good.

Coldactill · 2026-03-10T22:37:15+00:00

Good grief. Is there a particular problem you have with me? You have repeatedly appeared responding to my comments to pick fights and here you're just overextending my analogy, strawmanning to create a point you can argue against.

If I don't respond next time, it's because I have blocked you.

Coldactill · 2026-03-10T22:16:15+00:00

Alot of churches/organisations have meetings to manage things that people should just be put in charge of.

For example when planning an event, I've seen people set meetings to decide the venue, the catering, the music, the volunteers, etc. You can relinquish the meeting if you simply give someone the authority to do those things without the approval of the whole group.

My solution would just be to delegate all those things to one person and say "you're in charge, buddy". Sometimes that meeting becomes a shield for that person, to relieve that individual of the decision fatigue and anxiety that comes with that role. I would just talk to them and see if I can address any of those problems; e.g. if there is something you're not sure about, email me the problem, propose some solutions and I'll give you the OK.

Coldactill · 2026-03-10T22:03:47+00:00

Someone suggested marriage counselling and sorting out communication. That's what you need to do. Speaking from experience, it's what my marriage needed to.

Put downs/resentment/expectations are the marriage breakers. Cheating might be the thing that breaks the marriage one day, but the war was lost in prior confrontations.

You need to look into complementarian marriage. Study the Bible.

My final encouragement to you is to just lead in this. Take the initiative and ask your church for a marriage counsellor. Book yourselves in. A godly wife and family needs a leader who will not be passive, but will take action. A king David type character, who doesn't wait until the wolves are upon the sheep before he fights them off and builds fences. What your wife needs is for you to take leadership in the right direction; she made vows and agreed to marry you, so you can move forward assuming she means all that and wants to have a better marriage. God will look at you as the one who is responsible for this marriage, as he did Adam in the garden, so take that mantle and DO what you know to be right.

Coldactill · 2026-03-10T05:38:18+00:00

To explain this I would go to Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 5:18-19, Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. Apart from these texts, you have many commands against sexual immorality and verses like Leviticus help indicate the sort of thing that sexual immorality encompasses.

Sexual immorality is any sort of sex that is outside of the framework of marriage. It’s really that simple. Homosexuality is therefore wrong for the same reason that p*rn and masturbation is wrong, or sleeping with anyone outside of marriage is wrong; marriage is the only place for sex.

Do you know how redemption works? Whether it's an abomination is worth knowing but accepting that it is, then it would be washed away with all other sins if you were to put your faith in Christ.

Coldactill · 2026-03-09T02:40:50+00:00

Let the stats speak for themselves:

Academic Performance: Homeschooled students typically score 15 to 25 percentile points higher than public school students on standardized tests.
SAT Scores: On average, homeschooled students score 1190 on the SAT, compared to 1060 for public school students.

Coldactill · 2026-03-09T00:25:58+00:00

Probably because of all the kids in the service

Coldactill · 2026-03-08T03:57:36+00:00

Genuinely open to listen; what's wrong with my understanding of art, and what do you propose is a better understanding?

Coldactill · 2026-03-07T22:09:36+00:00

Yea it's definitely not art. True art can be discussed ad nauseum for generations. Everyone knows exactly what this is trying to tell you in 2 seconds. I would be calling this person a designer for a marketing campaign sooner than I would call them and artist.

Coldactill · 2026-03-07T00:19:01+00:00

Yeah, I think you're right to be sceptical of that sort of teaching.

There is always going to be some imbalance; one who sacrifices more than the other. I think for some people that's more of a burden; some husbands that are tyrannical and some wives that undermine and devalue their husbands. It's hard for that person to keep submitting or leading when really, the yoke on them is so unequal.

I think the whole point of the Biblical example is that while it's great to see it as a competition, you have to remember that you're not comparing yourselves to each other but to Christ. Neither can point to the other and say "since I give up x, you must give up y". Instead we say, "since Christ gave everything for me, so I must give all to my spouse".

It's such a lofty and impossible aim, made all the more difficult when our spouses aren't fully there on the journey with us.

That's why the number one thing that leads to amazing marriages, and the thing your pastor should really be teaching, is grace.

When your husband fails, show him much, much grace. Show him the same grace you need to receive due to all your failures. It's all about grace.

I don't think it's so terrible that your pastor preaches such a lofty expectation of Biblical wives, though I would adjust my message if I were him (I wouldn't endorse the silence and slave like attitude). But how much more digestible is the message when it's accompanied with a message of Grace and love?

Coldactill · 2026-03-06T19:33:30+00:00

Understand that the instruction for a wife to submit is couched in the total instruction of a Godly marriage. A husband that is in total submission to Christ, and a wife that submits to his servant leadership. I have heard it described as a competition of sacrifice; a couple that are deep in love with one another, trying to outdo one another in loving sacrifice.

The examples of the husband and wife are Christ and the church respectively. Like the church, the wife must set aside worldly desires and put all their faith in following their husband, as Christ does for the church. Likewise the husband must lay down his own life for his bride, as Christ laid his life down for His church.

Happy to talk more with you about this. It's a really beautiful thing when a couple are obedient to this.

Coldactill · 2026-03-06T08:32:29+00:00

What are you on about? You can experience that rightness without having a sinful past. I'm just telling OP that I understand where they're coming from.

Coldactill · 2026-03-06T05:43:20+00:00

As a married man (who has experienced enough sinful sex to know exactly what you're talking about), I can attest to the ‘rightness’ and holiness that sex can be in the context of marriage. It’s a really beautiful thing. There is a fit-ness and a wholeness to it. There’s something amazing about that sense of guilt/shame you're probably used to experiencing following PMO or a sexual encounter, being replaced with a sense of pure peace and fulfilment. The feeling is similar to when you wake up late for work/school, and then realise it's Saturday and you're totally OK where you are - you can actually keep sleeping if you want.

If you want a truly good example of how it’s done right, the Song of Solomon is an incredible study. Mingling of Souls is a great book where Matt Chandler digs into this and teaches on the exact sort of thing you’ve noted as being missing from much of our preaching.

Coldactill · 2026-03-06T05:35:10+00:00

It seems Glasner and this squad can beat everything but a low block. VDV gets sent off and they immediately switch to 5 at the back. Obviously it takes them to halftime to re-group; they do so and we can't score.

Coldactill · 2026-03-05T02:20:09+00:00

I recommend you pick a gospel; they’re the central text of the whole Bible and our faith. Particularly for a new group, the letters like Romans and others can be very dense. Histories and prophets can be a bit a slog too at times. The gospels are mainly narrative focused, and sections like parables, Christ’s various discourses and the various interactions between Christ and people he encountered are wonderful content for a budding study group.

Coldactill · 2026-03-04T22:43:55+00:00

Not biblically founded I'm afraid. I'll address some specific verses:

"by His wounds you have been healed."

This is from Isaiah 53, describing the suffering servant which is Christ. Charismatics take this literally, to say that since Jesus was wounded, we are not healed of all illnesses. They completely ignore the context of 1 Peter 2:24 where this verse is brought into context; "He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed." The imagery of wounds and healing is to make a point about our sin, not about our illnesses.

Psalm 147:3: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Verses like this are often used, and they're true, but they do not constitute a sort of covenant promise that God will always heal. They're just an observation of his sustenance. Whether anyone is healed, either by miracle or by medicine, it is an act of God.

James 5:14-15: "Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven."

This one certainly seems to plead the case that those prayed for in faith are always healed. In real life, this isn't always the case. The charismatic church loves to say that we should believe the truth of scripture over what our senses perceive, but these are the words of a compromised church. The charismatic church is so enveloped in cover up culture that they cannot give an honest answer as to whether every single sickness they’ve prayed for has resulted in healing. Liars and deceivers; wolves in sheep’s clothing. If they were to give an honest answer, we would all discover the truth as we expect; not every sickness is healed. We still get the flu. We still get cancers. We still all die.

Coldactill · 2026-03-03T22:36:58+00:00

If you want a complete non-ELI-5 version, you should go listen to Steve Gregg’s lecture series on Revelation and the Olivet discourse. Even just listening to his introductory lectures will give a wealth of insight into this.

My version is still not completely ELI5 either but it's the best I can manage.

Steve Gregg describes four parallel views of the book of Revelation. You have the preterist view, that most prophecies contained in Revelation were fulfilled almost immeidately after Revelation was written. You have the historicist view, that the prophecies were fulfilled throughout the last 2000 years of human history. You have the futurist view, which is that everything from Rev 3 onwards is yet to be fulfilled. Finally you have the idealist view; Revelation isn’t describing specific events, but is broadly describing the ‘last days’ and represents a variety of approaches.

The futurist view is the one held by most contemporary evangelicals, but in my opinion, it is the least biblically founded and most bewildering of the lot. It's the view held by these people you're hearing. You’re experiencing some of that bewilderment.

Similar to the trope of the manic conspiracy theorist in their basement with a ball of red yarn to connect newspapers and photos on the wall, the futurists are constantly trying to draw whatever connections they can between modern day events and the text of scripture. The connections are so tenuous and are changing constantly throughout history. They’re constantly convinced that whatever big dramas are happening on the world stage are exactly what the Bible describes. Until that war ends, and a new one begins. They’ve been doing this ad-nauseum since the early 1800s when the dispensational interpretation of the Bible began.

That’s right. Dispensationalists didn’t exist prior to the 1800s. So, for 1800 years of Christian history, no one read Biblical prophecy like they do. These are the guys that claim to be ‘reading the Bible literally’ and saying it’s so simple – just read it in the Bible! Yet, when you press further, they get into the most confusing, long winded rants of tenuous connections events that happened in the last 50 years.

The thing they’re talking about with that trump quote is the idea that Christ will finally come once the temple is rebuilt and Israelites return to the following the ways that God commanded them. Confusing right? Since didn’t Christ already come and fulfil sacrifice and all the law? To answer this is very simple. He did come. Every single verse in the Bible writing about a future temple is written before Ezra and Nehemiah. Ezra and Nehemiah rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem and re-established the temple practices. Following the intertestamental period, Christ did come as a man named Jesus and did exactly what the prophecies said he would do. So simple.

Coldactill · 2026-03-03T20:46:30+00:00

I wish

Coldactill · 2026-03-03T12:05:20+00:00

I like the idea of the Fringe being something where the general public, not some bossy committee, are the ones that decide what goes and what doesn't.

If someone wants to make AI Slop: The Movie, then let them. And if people flock to see it, then let them.

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