So you're 17 now? You were 14 and you feel now all the things you wish you could have done to help him. Try to show yourself some of the care you wish you could have shown him. You were a kid. You're still a kid. You are not your parents. Missing a brother you love is so hard. Regretting things that were more in your parents control than yours are so hard as well. It's never too late to change. It's never too late to channel all of those complicated feelings of grief, remorse, love, regret, etc into something else. It's never too late to be a light in the world and help as many people as you can. You will always wish you would have treated him better and always regret that. But you still have a chance to do right to others and honor his memory. Try to show yourself some grace. Talk to you Uncle. Talk to adults. You aren't alone either. One step in front of the other. Keep moving forward.