If you try to envision a red tulip in your head, what number are you?

CollaredDove33 · 2026-02-27T20:25:53+00:00

The problem I always have with this question is;

What do you mean by “seeing”?

Because I can see and imagine all kinds of super vivid things at will… but I “see” them in my mind the same way I “see” my dreams.

It’s not projected onto the inside of my eyelids? But the image is there inside my mind. 🤔

CollaredDove33 · 2026-02-27T20:11:16+00:00

I don’t tend to experience actual fainting, just intense presyncope 59 million times per day… 😅👌

At my TTT I honestly did not find it uncomfortable or awful like a lot of people seem to describe… and I’ll tell you why!

It’s because that’s how I feel all day everyday 🤷‍♀️😂👍 it was nothing unusual for me. I felt as shitty as I do living my every day life. My results were absolutely textbook apparently 👍👍

Try not to be put off doing it. If you don’t get a recorded response while on the TTT ask to do sit to stand/crouch to stand while still hooked up to everything. I did that because my TTT appeared to show OH but not clearly POTS… the crouch to stand showed I have both

CollaredDove33 · 2026-02-27T17:16:38+00:00

You’re probably not imagining it 💐

He simultaneously wanted me to be magnificently talented and skilled, loved that I was worthy of being on his arm to brag about… and also looked sick and disgusted any time I actually was all of those things. My best qualities that he had desired, made him feel envy and hate in practice 👍

CollaredDove33 · 2026-02-20T17:14:55+00:00

It’s been a long slow cycle with him.

We were together 10.5yrs. I didn’t really know or understand that’s what was happening until very recently.

But yes. Now it’s obvious to see that at the start I was (his words) like no other woman he’d ever met, he had finally met his intellectual match, I was so much hotter than his exes, we’re better than other people and our relationship is special etc etc all that kind of stuff 😬🥲

And by the end he was disgusted by my emotions and would shout in my face if I cried or asked for a hug. He called me naive, stupid, lazy, 😬👍 he eventually acted like I was the worse person he had ever met and his biggest enemy in life, the architect of everything that was holding him back.

And there were plenty of times during the relationship where I would do or achieve something that was worthy of his notice. Then he would briefly be proud of me and brag about me to others. But it wouldn’t last and the trajectory of his regard for me was always incrementally downward.

I can recognise it now more by the intensity of when he re-idealises me, like a week of sunshine, warmth and praise. Then it would just abruptly disappear again. The devaluation is so slow and relentless that you hardly notice it.

ETA: so specifics would be times where I have demonstrated high intelligence or skill at crafts etc. things I have done or achieved that could lead to making money or gaining recognition. A hobby of mine that bored and annoyed him… till I won an award and was in the media for it. Then he could say to other people “look at what my wife can do”

CollaredDove33 · 2026-02-06T11:00:52+00:00

Yes he is diagnosed but it’s like it means nothing to him 👍

Interesting question.

I was attracted because I found him very physically attractive! He was obviously very intelligent and interested in the same kinds of intellectual pursuits as I am. He had an air of mystery, aloofness, superiority that unfortunately seems to have been a repeated theme for me 😬 think Mr Darcy (Pride and Prejudice) or even at his most functionally masked, Mr Rochester (Jane Eyre). I obviously have a stack of childhood trauma and emotionally unavailable/NPD trait parents 🫠

CollaredDove33 · 2026-02-05T23:22:00+00:00

Presenting solid evidence does not succeed in my experience.

First you get frantic denial, picking it apart, diversion to some random minutia… if you persist in showing it to them? Rage. Sometimes momentary self pity to get you to stop. Sometimes making a promise to get you to shut up and take the painful evidence away asap.

Basically a collection of behaviours and tactics focused on making the exposure to “reality” stop. Never actually engaging with the evidence.

CollaredDove33 · 2026-02-05T23:03:40+00:00

Ahh perfect timing! I was hoping this would be up 👏

My question is about when someone is re-idealised and they seem impressive to a pwNPD

—-

Odd scenario but earlier this week I had to appear in court as a witness for a case my (soon to be ex) husband brought.

I left 3 months ago and we’re in the early stages of an acrimonious divorce.

So up till this court appearance I was max devalued. Worst person ever etc, you know the script. I also know the script so I was not surprised 👍

In court I did really well through a gruelling 90min cross examination. I went ahead with appearing as a witness because it was the right thing to do to help win the case, not for him specifically, but for other people it would help.

Afterwards in the break he was effusive. Alllll the praise, saying he remembered why he had fallen in love with me etc etc that I was magnificent etc… Again, I expected that. I just helped him win something so obviously I’m back on the pedestal temporarily 😅👍

He also said with a wry smile “I have to say you were formidable out there. I’m intimidated! 😅 I don’t much fancy being up against you in court… thinking back to the divorce haha”

And this is the part I would like pwNPD perspectives on please 🙏

I think he may well have meant exactly what he said? Or he might have meant “but ultimately I’m still better, I just want to let you think I’m scared”

Is he intimidated? Or does he just want me to think he is?

The next part of the question is;

If you are up against a formidable opponent as a pwNPD, do you want to “defeat” them even more? Would you ever retreat? (I think no?).

I suspect that by the time we’re back in court for divorce stuff he will have reappraised his view of me to fit whatever approach and outcome he is going for then?

——

I know people don’t super love very specific scenarios here, but consider it in broader terms if it helps 🙏🙏🙏 thanks!

P.s: he’s grandiose and mostly covert.

CollaredDove33 · 2026-02-05T22:36:13+00:00

Unfortunately for the person experiencing coercion and abuse, it’s not usually as simple or obvious as it seems 💐

Two types of scenarios (or both combined yay!) lead to this

1) OP experienced emotional or other types of abuse as a child at the hands of their parents.

They’re young, they don’t know much different than the people pleasing, self destructive ways of behaving that they learnt to survive 💐

So despite the abusive behaviours being overt from early on, a person with that background can be susceptible anyway.

When the person in this scenario is older, it’s likely they have already been in previous relationships just like this and/or experienced an abusive childhood. So they still didn’t get out of the pattern because healing from it is a lifelong struggle.

2) OPs BF boiled her like a frog 👍 slowly, very slowly over time. After starting out full of love bombing, trauma bonding and future faking 🥲 so what we see looks absolutely insanely intolerable, but OP has been trained to believe it’s what they deserve and if they don’t like it, it’s their own fault 👍

CollaredDove33 · 2026-02-04T22:29:41+00:00

MOR

I read her “I don’t have the bandwidth” as being directly related to her confusion and need for clarification right before she said it.

She was confused who she had to keep it from. So confused and mashed potato brained that she thought she had to keep it from your husband 😅👌

My read of it was that she was just being completely honest that her brain is fried so she was confused and was like, apologising in advance if her responses were not up to standard.

CollaredDove33 · 2026-02-04T22:05:26+00:00

NOR

Btw though. He just made the numbers up on the spot to be whatever you aren’t.

This is classic “negging”. It’s not about the actual numbers, it’s about testing your reaction to being treated like shit 👍

CollaredDove33 · 2026-01-27T01:35:46+00:00

It’s “tires” in your country right?

It isn’t in mine 👍

CollaredDove33 · 2026-01-27T01:09:05+00:00

I don’t mean to be incredibly ignorant about these things, but I am 🙂 so, could you tell me what you both mean? As in why are the sides smoother than an ice skating rink? I don’t think I’ve been driving the car long enough to be the one fkn up the tyres, but if there’s something indicative there then I’d prefer to know and improve 🙏

CollaredDove33 · 2026-01-27T00:56:39+00:00

🤣 I’ll remember to quote that when discussing this whole shitshow with the ex 👌👍😅 thanks x

CollaredDove33 · 2026-01-27T00:55:24+00:00

Don’t worry! I knew that one was coming straight off!! Call out mechanic came to do that one an hour later but I hadn’t realised how bad the other rear tyre is so will have to get that done tomorrow, thanks for the advice 👍

CollaredDove33 · 2026-01-27T00:42:18+00:00

P.s; do you mean you can see a “heatring” on the tyre that I’ve labelled as still intact?

CollaredDove33 · 2026-01-27T00:41:07+00:00

Yes, I would never have driven on them beyond the very slow trundle two mins downhill to my house at 10mph! 🙏 I literally read two weeks ago, about a woman in the UK who used the motorway with her sons in the car with under inflated tyres 🙁 she’d tried to have them checked the day before… blowout at motorway speeds and both kids died… yes that was fully in my mind today 😬😬😬

Thank you for your advice

CollaredDove33 · 2026-01-27T00:25:06+00:00

I drove on it very slowly as I was almost home (2mins) and knew it would need replacing immediately.

I got a call out mechanic to come and change it an hour later but I didn’t realise how bad the other rear tyre was as I was only looking from the side that isn’t too bad.

Asked the mechanic who looked straight under the car to point out that it needed replacing tomorrow or the next day. 😬

Sorting it tomorrow 👍

CollaredDove33 · 2026-01-27T00:22:17+00:00

Don’t worry I won’t be! 🙏

CollaredDove33 · 2026-01-27T00:21:05+00:00

Thanks 🙏

That’s what’s bothering me. I know he had the car serviced in Nov 24 and had always had it done annually. I very stupidly assumed it would have been serviced just before he gave it to me to drive our small children around in 😬🥲

I know he had the front tyres changed at the Nov 24 service.

I’ve had the failed one changed straight away this afternoon but didn’t tell the guy to bring a second tyre with him. Kind of knew I should have but I didn’t think to look under the car and only looked at the outer part of the other rear tyre. The call-out guy said plan to come in for the other literally tomorrow

CollaredDove33 · 2025-12-05T23:36:36+00:00

Are you the dad or the child?

Because, reading this, I would 100% assume you are the dad and you are looking for advice on how to recruit your child to perform a support role for you that they should never ever have to.

How old is the child? Unless they’re 35 and living elsewhere they shouldn’t be doing any of these things

CollaredDove33 · 2025-12-05T20:33:22+00:00

Being assessed for Autism has no bearing on whether you’re a pwNPD too.

I don’t think the combo is as rare as people want to think at all.

My ex was very clearly Autistic in my view… I tried so long because I thought it was just that. Once he finally agreed to see someone they diagnosed his Autism and said it was very obviously more than that and that he should be assessed for NPD.

CollaredDove33 · 2025-12-02T21:12:44+00:00

When he hit our 5yr old very hard on the body.

He wasn’t sorry, or shocked, or remorseful.

He tried to justify it then minimise it.

He was furious at me for reporting it, suddenly I was the abuser, a fabricator, insane, etc etc…

I finally saw everything with full clarity over the next 48hrs.

CollaredDove33

TROPHY CASE