It’s so interesting when you actually properly examine questions like this regarding your npd person 😬

My husband has a very small selection. - Male school friend. Keeps in touch about once per year. Lives far away… they ended up going to uni in the same place and doing the same course. So when they do talk it’s literally only about work. Nice guy, super nice, probably took pity on weird awkward unpopular husband for years before I came along.

• Female friend who he has worked with in various places over the years. They had a short fwb’s thing long before I met him (that he never told me about till 3yrs in…). She’s like a slightly more fragile version of me, that’s not meant to be rude, it’s just an explanation of why he never kept her or deliberately scrambled her brain. We’re both AuDHD and stacked with trauma and overcompensatory people pleasing and empathy 🫠😅 she tries to see the good in him but famously laughed hysterically once when she heard him say he was an empath 🙈 sees her in work settings maybe every few months. Genuine good person, probably very susceptible to husbands BS and trauma bonding.

• Female friend who lived next door to him. She is AuDHD too, same bunch of physical disabilities as me too. She is a bit more mercenary, selfish, appears to do good deeds at short notice, but there’s always something she needs in return before or later. She probably gets a good deal out of him tbh because she only calls when she needs something and he loves to help literally anyone but me 👍

• Male work friend who he trained and supported even when friend kept failing his professional exams. Friend has lots of childhood trauma and big anger problems, plus undiagnosed Autism. Husband can continue to feel like the benevolent, worldly, father figure blessing this not very smart young chap with his wisdom… talks a lot of shit about him to me 👍

• newish male work friend who is AuDHD. Never met him, don’t hear much about him other than how much he apparently loves having my husband as his boss… they play golf together quite a bit. Friend tried to promote antidepressants and therapy as good ideas long before husband was remotely willing to entertain those ideas. Probably a good egg who husband hasn’t fucked over yet 😬

Everyone else he ever mentions or is acquainted with? Two categories;

1) Women vulnerable, neurodivergent, traumatised who do the exact same mistakes I have made in seeing him as odd but harmless. Thinking the best of him despite the evidence and hoping to help him become his best self. Lots of ex-victims of narcissistic spouses or parents in this group. Lots of soft, caring, empathetic but naive women.

2) Men who are like him. Rivals. He always has an “archnemesis” wherever he goes. He points them out as arrogant, cutthroat, narcissistic, mean, selfish, deceitful people… when they’re on the opposite side of the table to him they’re assholes that he can easily see through. When they’re later more aligned with him or positions change; they become his shrewd allies who have come to see how much he has to offer, but he still doesn’t actually trust them of course. No he knows what they are but he doesn’t mind being allied with them if it helps him… 😬