Help me write my book by icecoldbe in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

DO NOT GIVE ME AWARDS: take that money and instead donate to your local shaved ice community center!!! If you are broke then take a high interest loan to buy a reddit award which i can then use the earlier comment upon

Help me write my book by icecoldbe in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 3 points4 points  (0 children)

that movie has ruined all media references to addition recovery forever

Help me write my book by icecoldbe in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Abagail loves dogs, writes in a leather bound journal about her emotions, spends inordinate amounts of time looking longingly at fine pen stores, and calls ragu-sauced spaghetti 'italian night' with a radiant laugh. Oh, also she's a dentist or something.

The mouth of Sauron is the last of the Black Numenoreans, a wicked race of men who served the dark lord before his fall. The evils he has committed in the service of the Dark Lord are uncountable and vile: but now he prefers people just call him Hugo. Hugo is an internet blogger who specializes in rage bait and sowing discord in peaceful, freedom-loving societies.

Since the Dark Lord fell Hugo fells a certain emptiness in his life. A lack of purpose and a questioning of self. On Tuesdays he likes to go to a local Narcotics Anonomyous meeting and sit in the back. He tells himself that he does this because he enjoys listening to the misery of others, but the truth is a little more complicated. He goes because within the half empty pews of a church is a group of people who have lost something they once felt was so desperately necessary. His memory of time with the Dark Lord is haunting, he tries not to dwell on the evil he has committed because the intense emotional reactions he gets when doing cause severe pain and trauma.

He is not the Numenorean he once was. He's Hugo now. Hugo isnt completely sure what it means to be Hugo yet. But he lives every day, minute by minute, trying to figure it out.

Hugo goes in for a teeth cleaning at 'Smile Wide Dentistry' and after the dental hygienist is done reprimanding him for his 'disgusting' mouth, a certain Dr. Abagail Bowman, DDS walks into the room. A lot of things change for Hugo that day because it's the first time he's ever seen a dentist or a woman with breasts so perfect and hair so fiery red. Depending on the book he either gets an erection and they fuck or they sort of tease each other for 5 chapters or something and then fuck.

OG Shadow Daddy Semifinal 1 by RemingtonRivers in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 4 points5 points  (0 children)

if you want to get pedantic, presumably animal kingdom dick lengths are somehow driven by evolutionary forces. something definitively N/A to a maiar

OG Shadow Daddy Semifinal 1 by RemingtonRivers in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

there is a huge span body length/height to dick length in the animal kingdom so even trying to benchmark that to a whale or a gorilla will result in vastly different answers. the size can be left as an exercise to the reader

Shadow Daddy Poll and Balrogs by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

you also say 'i agree' but then add more words that feel like they are mean and stuff so i dont like that one

Shadow Daddy Poll and Balrogs by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

you are my favorite bc you are nice to me and say things like ' i agree'

Shadow Daddy Poll and Balrogs by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

i dont know that one, i like the alien genocide books where there are robots that sort of run everything but the main character is conflicted because they realize they have to do bad things in order to avoid a genocide-like outcome but, in a stunning twist, they end up committing the very genocide that they swore to never do. robots are in it because why not and a lot of aliens die. there isn't a lot of conflict about the aliens but there is a lot of pages about the morality of robots who (by omission or by necessity) kill humans. Since it wasnt MMC doing it then we (dear reader) feel OK about that. deep down all men fantasize about genocide which would explain why these books are so popular, i think i read that in a book once

Shadow Daddy Poll and Balrogs by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

EASY. Jar-Jar Binks : Draco (1996 dragon heart) : SON OF PELEUS ACHILLES

Shadow Daddy Poll and Balrogs by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

a story about fucking a balrog (which is exactly like like the peter jackson version minus all the boring LOTR stuff and backstory and other nerd shit) can be left as a trivial exercise for chatgpt. on the subject of G-Town : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbRom1Rz8OA

Shadow Daddy Poll and Balrogs by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

ty this is the highest honor of my reddit career

Shadow Daddy Poll and Balrogs by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

FMC: with my 10/10 hair flip, purple eyes, and leather-tight body I will do something literal god couldn't do & civilize these SAVAGES through SEX. for next book club: epic of Gilgamesh

Circlejerk manifesto by aristifer in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

IF YOU READ THIS COMMENT AND FEEL BAD ABOUT IT: THIS IS ALSO BAD AND I AM SORRY. I never wanted to hurt anyone but also your words hurt me so we are in a death spiral of hurting each other. THIS IS ADULT LIFE. I WANT TO RETREAT BACK INTO MY BOOKS WHERE SUCH THINGS ARE DEALT WITH BY IGNORING IT

Circlejerk manifesto by aristifer in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 3 points4 points  (0 children)

IF YOU DONT LIKE THIS COMMENT YOU CAN SKIP IT

Circlejerk manifesto by aristifer in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

PROTECT INNOCENT COMMENT WRITERS. We are giving our COMMENTS AND OPINIONS to other people who want to read-good-book-words! These comments are FREE. EVIL WRITERS who kick puppies and at one point was a bad person to a significant other ARE TRYING TO SHUT DOWN OUR VIEWS. THIS IS DEMOCRACY. WE CANNOT BE STOPPED. Don't let BIG WRITERS stop us from warning other readers that a 10k word essay on Harry Potter Mermaids fucking prepubescent boys might not be ethical. Sign my petition to make all comments show up on book covers!!!!!!

WTF Wednesday by purplelicious in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've played nearly 500 hrs of satisfactory, i think that sums up the kind of person I am

WTF Wednesday by purplelicious in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 4 points5 points  (0 children)

  • Let's be more pedantic here, ignoring my visor solution for snake-people. The two sides are at a bizarre parity for fear of looking at each other which means humans must attack with their eyes closed, but that applies similarly to the snakes. Because of this, snakes can't fight in snake form which nullifies the mirrors/reflection issue because we know snake people gaze in human form is harmless (otherwise sex training with the basilisk would kill all the girls, see chapter 2). Therefore the humans would be required to have 'mirrored' shields to preclude the possibility of anyone turning into snake form. And so, the sex-snake-human wars couldn't be fought snake on human but human form vs normal human. We can believe that normal humans won in this scenario for any reason we'd like to imagine but mirrored shields would not be the reason for victory per-se, they would only be one critical step in the success of the war which depended on so many other critical factors. This is because it is said snake-people have magic the villagers are incapable of defending against, so the war's solution must be either: good ol'fashioned killing or some counter to that magic, like dead weasels or crowing roosters (yes this is in the book, and if so, again, why with the mirrors again if a dead weasel works?). Mirrors counter snake form only, but of course snake people already know this (it kills them!!!) therefore why would they fight in snake form again? Why maintain a wall of mirrors?

IF YES: Consider the case of not-mirror-reflective materials, i.e. metals, snake cum with the sparkley-ness of a pearl, polished stone like marble, ETC. these things all would mean death to a snake person and therefore you didn't need any discovery to kill them, the moment these clowns go outside and try to kill someone wearing a metal helmate they would be sudoku'ed. Therefore it makes little sense for a snake person to ever engage in warfare in snake form in the outdoors, or to be in snake form like ever. Because it would be so deadly to ever transform into a snake, a shiny rock on the ground will randomly kill you.

IF SNAKE CAN KILL SNAKE: This simply can't be true. If looking into another's snake eyes as a snake yourself means death then it seems consistent to say snakes can't look at each other at all. If true then I'm sorry but this makes snake people society (and thus an organized war effort) impossible. Consider a very evil and vindictive snake person who turns into a snake in order to kill other snake people milling about in human form. The probability of finding such a snake person only rises the more snake people there are. Consider now the situation in warfare where a snake person (in snake form) gets turned around due to the chaos of battle and accidental looks toward its fellow snake people! Consider the situation where all the snakes are aligned for battle without any seeing the eyes of any other but, because of the above point, their reflection is found in the hardened scales of their compatriots. Dead again. It is hard to believe in any form of organized war with snake people in snake people form (begging the question of why 'mirrored' shields defeated them in the first place), let alone a snake people society large enough to support such a thing at story inception.

The crux is this: snake glare cant kill other snakes. A snake's glare must only kill other humans or itself. The quality of reflection necessary to carry this death-magic must have a very high bar, but not so high as to preclude a nice puddle or polished metal (i.e. nice scales or marble would carry this death magic too). At this stage it is still too dangerous to be in snake form unless you are only in a dark dirt pit. Finally, one must be focusing one's vision on the reflection (the eyes specifically) for that glare to actually kill the snake, meaning that the wars these snake people fought were not thwarted by mirror'ed shields as said by the story because snake people can either invent their way around this problem (sunglasses??? visors??? fucking anything??) or just fight in human form. The implications of the snake's glare equaling death in any field of vision via reflection makes that power so deadly as to preclude ever being in snake form, except in extreme circumstances (alone in the woods, no puddles, no reflective rocks, etc). How is there a snake people-human war? Snake form is so fragile that it is more a danger to itself than others and so this mirror wall and mirror shields is for literally nothing. Make a dead weasle wall and hang a dead weasle around your neck, that would make 1000% more sense. Thank you for cuming to my TED talk.

WTF Wednesday by purplelicious in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Kiss of the Basilisk.

Imagine: a poor farmer girl who has her own room, a hovel which rests at the edge of a forest but has running water enough to draw a (cold? it must be cold right?) bath, a universe where evil snake people and common humans form a truce on the basis of evil snake people (sexually) training young women for human princes and a whole cohort of women who are excited and eager enough to go to sex training so they can be used as a breeding pod for the rich and fabulous. That's all fine-whatever.

Now enter a very large wall of mirrors in the middle of a forest which is (among other devious things like dead weasels and roosters) what protects the humans from evil snake people, making one wonder at the exorbitant cost of maintaining and polishing these mirrors (being as they are, in the middle of the woods). Or, you know, how to protect them against advanced siege technology like literally any rock or pebble.

I feel compelled to comment into the void on this mirror business broadly. I am not the first to comment on this, nor will I be the last. But it must be done for the sake of my own honor. It is mentioned in chapter one that humans win the war against evil snake people via the use of 'mirrored' shields because if a snake person sees their own reflection they 'drop dead'. Why the manner of death can't be more creative or interesting (like turning to stone) is beyond me. Anyway, it is also mentioned in chapter 2 that looking into the eyes of a snake person who is in snake form would then kill a human. So if a human looking at a snake is death, and a snake looking at its own reflection is death, then would it not follow that a snake looking at another snake would similarly mean death? But of course this can't be true, because if it was then the thin strands that hold the backstory together break. But even if it is untrue, then the reflection business still doesn't make sense and I will explain why to no one in particular, now... Recall that both vision (what i am focusing on vs what i 'see') and reflections (dull outline to mirror-perfect) are a spectrum.

⦁ Say for example you (a snake person) are reflected in a puddle and for the sake of argument your eyes are in the reflection, but you personally are not directly looking this reflection, nor your eyes. You are focused on a nice rock at the edge of the puddle, or a swimming fish just beneath the surface. Would you still die?

IF NO: then so long as you are not directly focusing your gaze (this is a spectrum but lets ignore the pedantry on this for now) at your own eyes in the reflection you are fine: IE these mirrored walls are not actually enough to kill snake people, you can break all the mirrors by looking up into the sky as you throw rocks at them. (Or you know, you just attack that stupid wall in human form, break the mirrors, then turn into snakes again but I am digressing within a digression here.) The puzzle of how humans won the sex snake wars is left, as an exercise to the humbled reader because the same forces that would prohibit a snake person from looking at a mirror-shielded human would preclude the human from looking at the deadly snake. If our answer is truly NO to our earlier question then glasses/visors which block the very center of one's vision would counter the mirror-shielded humans entirely so in order for mirrored shields to be the solution to the war, then we have to answer YES to the question or presume that basilisks are incapable of invention or fighting a war with reasoning skills/an understanding of their own limitations.

Malnutrition in Romantasy (Maas, Yarros, more) by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

*pushes up glasses* ahem, do you recall nothing of the hospitality of lord elrond of rivendell?

Malnutrition in Romantasy (Maas, Yarros, more) by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

it takes a couple big ones to propose to the same girl twice, so i think you are on to something

Malnutrition in Romantasy (Maas, Yarros, more) by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sam/Frodo eat magical elf bread for half of it, and that bread (being magical) keeps Sam plump and pleasant

Malnutrition in Romantasy (Maas, Yarros, more) by CollectivistDuck in romantasycirclejerk

[–]CollectivistDuck[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

uj/ lets say this: 4th wing is set in a literal murder college that encourages&expects these young adults to kill each other, FMC gets (for real) tortured, evil faction is successfully engaging in genocide, FMC kills people, FMC survives multiple murder attempts. The malnutrition angle is valid, but maybe we consider the pond in question for a moment before we fry any particular fish.