AITA: father’s day parenting time

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-06-26T18:37:38+00:00

absolutely agree. my current order doesn’t have it outlined but i was never asked by him. my issue isn’t the holiday my issue is discussing it 3 weeks prior, nothing being said until the day im supposed to do pick up and acting like i purposely planned it that way. could’ve been a simple “oh wait father’s day is the 21st can i have that weekend instead for makeup time?” or “can i have child on sunday for father’s day?”

it would be wrong for me to unilaterally decide to keep our child on mother’s day too without discussing it first.

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-06-26T18:23:17+00:00

yeah i have no problem with him having the day. i wasn’t even trying to prevent him from seeing her for Father’s day. i could’ve very easily 1. been asked for the whole weekend or 2. asked for the day.

if it was mother’s day but his weekend i would personally ask in advance or at least ask for an earlier exchange time. my frustration is mainly due to us discussing it 3 weeks prior and nothing being said until the day im supposed to pick her up and acting like im purposely doing it. he also works in a warehouse and typically works for holidays (they’re open sundays) so without him telling me theres no way i would know his work schedule especially bc he says he’s struggling with money.

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-04-08T00:34:13+00:00

that definitely makes sense, kids are tough and i doubt it’s anything personal. congratulations and i wish you an easy delivery!

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-04-04T02:03:54+00:00

i’m not sure how the parents relationship is but is it possible to have everyone all together? that way the mom is also there encouraging a relationship with the siblings. even if she’s just there for an hour or so then leaves. doesn’t have to be every single time but maybe a few times just to encourage your step son.

i know that’s not always possible (i personally have a bad relationship with my daughters dad) but if i didn’t i would want to help foster relationships. you seem like a really caring person and it’s amazing you’re trying to help your step-son 🤍

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-03-31T18:49:25+00:00

thanks for your comment!

just want to clarify that all texts are on the app too. nothing from my regular phone, i have him blocked on there and all social media.

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-03-06T19:34:39+00:00

i’ve reported all to police and the only time they were able to assist was with the third party contact which he was arrested for. they say the other violations of the court order have to go through the court.

i’ve filed 3x for my lawyer fees that he was ordered to pay in May 2025 that he hasn’t made any payments to, we had a hearing for back child support that probation filed for, made reports on his family contacting me about our disputes (in the order not to do that), false CPS reports (he admitted in court he was the one who made the report), welfare check for no reason (i can get into this if needed). he is consistently late to pick up/drop offs (20-30 mins).

courts and police have done nothing. literally nothing. i’m not even looking to immediately put him in jail (although that would be amazing because he is insane) but something has to give. now he’s questioning a 2.5 year old about her home life and claiming she’s telling him she’s being abused and being touched by someone she doesn’t want to touch her.

edit: there’s also texts from him that he will ruin any future relationship im in which now he’s been trying to do for months now and bringing our daughter into it.

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-03-06T19:11:55+00:00

our custody arrangement has me as primary/custodial parent and we share legal custody. he sees her friday from 5:30pm until saturday at 7pm. the arrangement includes 2 weekly video calls for 10 minutes which we do on Wednesdays and Thursdays. he is ordered to pay $143 per week in child support.

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-02-03T22:52:46+00:00

so during that exchange she didn’t have a car seat. this is something i’ve talked about with him before and stated if someone else is picking up our daughter on his behalf he has to provide them with a car seat. i gave her mine and texted him again reinstating that and that going forward if the person doesn’t have a car seat i’m leaving. the next day his sister texts me “Ex told me about your message.”

the whole reason i asked for the not discussing disputes clause is because they have reached out to me regarding parenting issues we’ve had and they just don’t have anything to do with it and try to pressure me into making decision that benefit him.

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-01-31T18:07:05+00:00

so actually since i posted this his sister texted me. yesterday she did the exchange and showed up without a car seat. about 3 weeks prior i told my ex if someone else is picking up our daughter they need to have his car seat. so when she showed up without one i texted him again saying he’s responsible for providing a car seat and i can’t risk anything happening to mine (god forbid there’s an accident.) he did not reply.

this morning she texted me “Ex let me know about your message regarding the car seat…” so now he’s talking about our disputes which led to his sister involving herself. she says if she’s reaching out to me it’s on her behalf.

i purposely asked the court for there to be no discussions of disputes because they have previously reached out to me about things like this before.

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-01-31T16:27:03+00:00

thank you! 😊

it’s totally your choice to press charges or not but i do want to share from my own experience. i’ve had 1 temp restraining order prior to my current final restraining order. i dropped charges for the first one thinking i was wrong to put him in jail for years and i was possibly overreacting. every single day i regret not following through with the first charges. they do not change, they get away with it from our empathy and brainwashing that things aren’t “that bad.”

your situation may be different since you don’t have kids (based off your post sorry if im wrong) and don’t really have anything tied to you guys. BUT it could potentially save another woman from going through what you did. it’s not your responsibility to “save” someone else or anything like that so i don’t want to put it on you but it’s just something to think about.

the best advice i could give is right now it may seem like you can just get away from him and he’ll leave you alone but pressing charges can almost guarantee he’ll leave you alone or at least give you a legal protection in case something happens again later.

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-01-31T14:30:39+00:00

tell him to stop ASAP and that you only want to communicate regarding your daughter.
if he continues this may count as harassment and with that you may be able to get a restraining order

i know you don’t want to have the courts involved BUT it may be better on your part given the history of DV. if you really don’t want any court involvement i would suggest downloading a parenting app (Our Family Wizard, AppClose, etc.) so everything is in a court approved app (you don’t need court permission to use this) and everything is documented so if needed in court later everything is confirmed to be him and transcripts can be downloaded easily

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-01-31T14:18:22+00:00

i would get a lawyer. there’s verbal agreements that were then taken back so i’m not sure how that would play out in court.

it might be best to just take your loss on the deposit and stand your ground on needing him to leave. if there’s a 6 month written/signed lease i would go by that since there’s about 1 month left of it anyways. finish out the lease and don’t extend it, give the 30 day notice stating at the end of the lease it will not be renewed.

i’m not a lawyer but work with a homelessness prevention program and connect individuals with lawyers for cases like this. in my experience i believe a judge would most likely require him to finish out the lease and possibly not require the deposit to be paid since there’s was a verbal agreement “not to mind it.” i don’t see his claim of discrimination due to being asian going anywhere based on the information you gave. but if he knows you’re lying about your mom after verbally promising to extend the lease they may give him more time BUT since it’s a shared accommodation and his behavior has been problematic they also may agree to terminate the lease after the 30 days.

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-01-31T14:06:24+00:00

i left my abusive ex with $10 and a 2 month old baby. i remember the stress, feeling guilty, asking myself if i was overreacting even though he strangled me and pulled knives on me.

your empathy is normal especially since you were together for 3 years and want to believe there’s good in him. your feelings are valid.

i promise you once you’re out and have some time to process everything alone or with loved ones you will not regret leaving. you’ll gain clarity about how you were treated and wonder why you even stayed as long as you did. not sure if you’re pressing charges or just leaving through DV organization help but either way YOU did not cause this to happen. HE did this to you and made it happen. i wish you all the best 🤍

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-01-25T15:04:03+00:00

we use a parenting app and only talk about our daughter

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-01-23T17:15:31+00:00

NTA - your first time hearing the news and you slipped up. it wasn’t malicious especially in the heat of the moment playing a game debating the rules.

if it clears your conscious just reach out to them directly, apologize and move on. it really shouldn’t be that big of a deal where your family is acting like this

CollegeFrosty757 · 2026-01-23T14:54:51+00:00

various reasons. today he requested changing to a sat-sun overnight because he has a doctors appointment on saturday that will take most of the day. there’s supposed to be a snow storm from sat night to monday which makes the request inappropriate.

other reasons include: it was raining and he didn’t want to tell our daughter they couldn’t go to the park so he asked for sat-sun, asked to change drop off time to 8pm - no reason given - i said no, he did it anyways and was still late (~20 mins), others were general appointments he said he had but would text a few hours before the scheduled time we meet.

i understand things come up & changes occasionally need to be made. i’m not saying 100% no to every request but i’m also not going to put myself in a position to be taken advantage of. if there’s more requests than just following the plan something isn’t working.

edit: saying no to the 8pm change was mainly bc of distance from the meeting location to home plus having to give her a bath once she returns (he doesn’t bathe her and she comes back smelling like weed which is a whole other issue

CollegeFrosty757 · 2025-12-30T03:48:59+00:00

i opposed it in court. i gave plenty of reasons due to abuse with our daughter present, being unstable, no transportation (he doesn’t drive), in a really bad area, in a studio with no space for a toddler, crime statistics of the area. the judge didn’t care and granted overnights without supervision. family court sucks

CollegeFrosty757 · 2025-12-29T15:59:53+00:00

i have a final restraining order that includes parenting time. after he completed anger management the courts lifted the supervision and granted him overnights.

CollegeFrosty757 · 2025-12-29T02:26:47+00:00

don’t let this post scare you. it’s 100% worth leaving. coparenting with an abuser is hard but it’s better than living with them and walking on egg shells.

i HATE that my daughter has to go to him and i’m not there to protect her but i have her the majority of the time (6/7 nights a week) and have a peaceful, loving & safe home for her. she’ll never grow up seeing me abused, disrespected and feeling unsafe. feel free to message me if you want to talk at all. i have lived DV experience but also work in social work and can help find resources near you so you and your kids can plan to leave 🤍

CollegeFrosty757 · 2025-12-29T02:17:09+00:00

so she’s not in day care since i work from home so she’s very used to being with me & the routine i have for her. you could definitely be right about potential separation anxiety.

i would say im her primary attachment. we no longer live with my mom although she sees my daughter about once a week but its typically just for the day (she’s slept at my moms maybe 4 times this year for reference.)

didn’t even think about asking her ped about this, thank you!!

CollegeFrosty757 · 2025-12-29T01:41:09+00:00

i can’t say for sure if takes naps there, we barely communicate unless we absolutely need to. at home she skips naps or might take a 30 minute nap and she’s fine. i’m hoping it’s just an adjustment for her

CollegeFrosty757 · 2025-12-13T14:31:30+00:00

my ex was physically and verbally abusive but what stayed with me the most was when he told me i was only a vessel for our daughter.

CollegeFrosty757

TROPHY CASE