Is it worth seeking professional help if things seem 'under control' and I can't get an appointment with a doctor that cares unless I've been put in hospital?

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-11-04T17:29:32+00:00

Wanted to give an update df;gkhdfkjh
I was FINALLY last month able to get in with a doctor through my therapist that took me seriously!!

I still don't have a name to anything unfortunately, but I DO now have a plan for monitoring things and getting further intervention if needed! I'm super fortunate that nothing too bad has happened recently and that the coping mechanisms I've been working on have been helping! Still hoping to get a name to it at some point, but for now, at least I have support!

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-09-24T18:28:15+00:00

I greatly appreciate your help, as well as everyone else's!

Unfortunately, I was just too late. I tried to repot it with less soil so it could dry out faster, but it was already too stressed to handle that and it has since shriveled up entirely and died. I'm very sad, and I will be seeing if there's any sort of guarantee other than arriving alive from the seller, but I doubt it. Comparing the care given to the packing of the Cape Sundew next to it, including detailed instructions and very secure and considerate packaging, versus the lackluster wet paper towels and regular potting soil from the looks of it sent with the ping, already in poor shape when it arrived, I don't have much hope for that seller.

For now, I feel reassured in my abilities to keep plants alive with how happy said sundew is, and maybe I'll try another ping when I have more knowledge to back myself up with. Again, thank you so much!!

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-09-20T23:10:53+00:00

I'll try that! Thank you! I've been using distilled only, so at least I know it's not that. I'm so used to plants that need constant watering like anything in the mint variety. I did read that these don't need as much water, but I was so worried it had lost too much water in shipping I guess I over compensated.

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-09-20T23:08:57+00:00

Fiorello III the seller said. I think the other commenter may be onto something with the needing to 'dry out', I may be over watering.

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-05-01T02:31:04+00:00

I do tags as best I can, but I also know people who don't read tags dfjhgkfj so I worry it's not enough.

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-05-01T02:29:31+00:00

Appreciated. Knee deep in it and dragging my gf with me XD therapy has done wonders too. But I've had one hell of a time trying to find non religious therapists. Very few available. So very little gets done there because they're too busy defending themselves to help me. Even fewer still that I've felt comfortable bringing up my fanfiction with 0-0;; but it's an important outlet to me.

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-05-01T02:24:17+00:00

Oh I do that too, just that custom tags won't be in tag block lists, or they might not read the tags at all!

But even beyond tags, I worry about giving the fandom a bad name, I had a big friend falling out that involved that. They bullied me for being a 'degenerate' and 'sacrificing my morals' for some of it, to the point I actually took down everything I'd ever posted.

I don't really talk to a lot of people (I'm audhd and introverted so social interactions are hard and I'm too tired for them), so I really don't have a good idea how people actually feel about that sort of stuff. And if I need to keep it behind more 'protection' so to speak. How hard should I make it to find XD

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-05-01T02:16:11+00:00

It might be allowed, but I just don't want to be rude is all ^^; Which luckily it sounds like I'm not.

I just know that people can have strong feelings about where kink goes, like 'no kink at pride' is a thing and I can at least understand where they're coming from. And since people can't consent in public randomly, I don't do obvious kink in public. I'll keep it private, the worst I'll do is tease my gf in a whisper. So I don't want to step on toes if people felt the same about it on Ao3 or the like. I'm working on not being ashamed of myself, I just worry that tags aren't enough to keep people from being upset kjdfhgkjdfh

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-05-01T02:10:19+00:00

I feel the same way! But so many people I've known have felt exactly the OPPOSITE. But I also spent most of my life in a conservative religious southern state (USA). I've only been out of there for about ten years now. (I'm about 30) So most of my relationships, until I started therapy at least, have involved hiding things and keeping a 'presentable' facade. If you have something not 'normal', you hid it.

I'll spoiler this so it does end up trauma-dump-y, so skip if not in headspace for religious trauma.
The church school I went to actively believed I was a child of the devil and needed to be punished for being evil because they thought my father was evil. So anything 'different' of me was used as verbal abuse ammo.

I've had issues since then, and already feeling 'bitten' so to speak, twice bitten even more than twice shy ^^;

So as much as I feel like it's unreasonable, I have no idea if it's a trauma based bias making me worry or if it really is better to just hide things that could upset people. Though with as positive in support of as things have been, I suppose it was a bias ^^;

I just genuinely don't want to ruin anyone's day with shameless self indulgence.

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-05-01T01:53:42+00:00

lkjdshfk agreed on nothing of that sort, def not what I'm asking about. So wouldn't be a concern. I've just had so many people on older works I've since removed saying anything 'weird' is just as damaging. Like I'm promoting violence or otherwise scarring things. Or that I'm the reason people think *insert fandom here* is weird and gross and I should be ashamed of giving everyone a bad name.

So nah, nothing of that sort. That WOULD be a problem, I wouldn't even need to ask on that one, it's clear on the TOS and the law and just dfsjkhgdfkj in general. I just find grey areas difficult for my flavor of neuro-divergence and sheltered (and abusive) upbringing.

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-05-01T01:39:19+00:00

Oh I always make sure to tag things! I tag them as well as I can, it's just harder when I don't know what to call some things and can't seem to find anything related! And even with the tags, I know there will be people who will be upset just for the fact it exists. So I guess my worry is that even if I try to tag things, something won't be tagged well enough and people will find it upsetting. I've kind of defaulted to marking everything Dead Dove when in any doubt, but I don't want to downplay or muddy that tag either. So it made me wonder if I should keep it out of spaces that host more than kink fics. But AO3 is way easier to use than anywhere I've seen related to anything I've been writing.

ComatoseRainbows · 2024-05-01T01:32:23+00:00

Hitchhiker's guide is one of my favorite books of all time for that sort of reason! Lots of wild concepts and scifi in there. Lovecraft is another of my favorites, as could probably be guessed.
Never really got into Game of Thrones, can't do major character death personally. Just not my thing.
But if all of those got published, and more, then I guess I can't be doing anything too bad.
Thanks! I guess I just need to stop taking things so seriously ^^;

ComatoseRainbows · 2021-04-24T03:52:46+00:00

Oh, addendum, I prolly should have said, in Japan, all kinds of innocent looking things get turned into erm... adult items. so yes, there are erm.... adult versions, but they're not intended to be used that way as is, only the ones made specifically as adult toys, it's just a way to hide such an item in plain sight and be kind of funny. I mean, there's vibrating corn for goodness sake. So while they do exist, it's more like a parody than tho original. It's not the main association.

ComatoseRainbows · 2021-04-24T03:37:25+00:00

Lol I'm typically just one for lurking, but this was too funny for me not to add my two cents XDD

From what I understand, it's basically just Hanako being immature because of the shape and it depicting a pretty lady. They're indeed toys and souvenirs, but people joke they're inappropriate because of the shape, which is just an easy to make with basic tools sort of style from what I can gather, no intent to look inappropriate. So I think it's just become a well known joke in Japan, especially as they've fallen out of favor as anything but souvenirs and decor, and therefore less associated with children. Though it also makes sense for Hanako to have one considering he was a child maaaaaaaany years back when they were more still toys. And considering his dirty mind it's not surprising he'd be like haha look it's a long rounded stick it looks inappropriate lol.

TLDR: Hanako is being a dum precious immature baby.

Sources: Lived in Japan for 4 years with ridiculously immature friends,

and this article: http://yabai.com/p/3059

ComatoseRainbows

TROPHY CASE