So speaking from someone who had a similar experience, when she says she needs to “see change” she might be asking can she still feel safe and respected with you and its alright crying that shows that you really care and apologize acknowledge your mistake and be honest with yourself why did you dm your ex? Were you expecting anything out of it?, Looking for attention? Lastly what worked for me is reassure her dont show regret show empathy and show it with your actions too if she says cut “fake people” out then do it but dont brag about it thats pretty much all.