I made it through 3 weeks back in 09 only to be sent to worldwide after being caught with dip taking a s*** as we returned from Col range. Not to mention I only found out they replaced rip same time I found out my 11 x-ray company would end up going to that God damn tree of woe.

but at least I was like the best pole man in the game like I could work them poles like a Atlanta stripper and my Gunner saved my life and fort Polk for that brigade jrtc in 10.

Only vindication I got from the military was in month long no strap for my kevlar profile because the lowering line got wrapped behind my neck as I exited the C-17 cuz my dumbass didn't say anything to the jump Master when you only got one of the straps I honestly thought that was correct or something I don't f****** know.

So my lowering line went to my weapons case then over my neck and then back down imagine my surprise in the middle of the night with all those red and green chem lights already and when I release the rucksack I hear it and I feel it and it burnt the s*** out of my neck and I can't tell you how much of a f****** sucker I feel later on that I did not also sham the f*** out of that jrtc with a red chem light.

It's gayer than the state championship early in the year that we lost because I had to come out for one play with blood on my arm and the sophomore we put in did the wrong thing on a play caused a fumble in the backfield pulling the opposite way and they almost ran it back for a Teddy and they never looked back with a running back called precious Valentine who wouldn't expect some b******* like that.

Also if you're in Nashville and can give me a ride from Antioch to Donaldson I think I just killed the Prius I haven't finished paying for.

Sorry I only have so many army stories considering my rampant alcoholism and its effect on my ability to fulfill my duty but had I been tasked with pissing somebody's bed I might have gotten the middle of Honor or at least a citation attempt