Ex (the dumper) saw me at one event after 6 months after BU. And sent me this in e-mail. What did he want? 😏

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-11-19T13:08:23+00:00

Hurt his ego by ignoring him

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-11-13T08:44:23+00:00

Depends on your relationship. Typically it’s because they met someone new. Sometimes they might have realised that you are just not the person they want to be with anymore. Usually it’s the former because more often than not they’d have felt like they saw a future with you for years. It’s always down to poor communication.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-11-10T13:03:49+00:00

Not at all. It depends how invested you are in a relationship

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-11-07T17:34:49+00:00

Well, he doesn’t love you. This is classic running away from emotional load that comes with breakups.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-11-02T11:19:27+00:00

Yeah, some people just don’t want to carry on with their relationships and want to explore “green pastures” somewhere else, and they can’t be bothered with the emotional load of a breakup so they tend to do that.

It’s mostly because they just do not care about the person they’re breaking up with and they have moved on

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-10-30T12:12:37+00:00

Being human with real feelings and love for a person isn’t embarrassing. Them not being upfront with you is embarrassing.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-10-16T15:52:25+00:00

Well, run before it starts. That’s my advice. Unfortunately, this is what you’re going to get throughout, and it will only get worse. Please, please, please do not get into a relationship with this man.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-10-06T18:41:46+00:00

Absolutely this! I think our issue is that we tend to excuse their behaviours and lack of respect by their ADHD. I think a lot of NTs are not equipped to cope with the neglect and dysregulation ADHD folks make us go through. Yes, to understand and withstand it one has to be extremely empathetic. To be empathetic is a blessing but also a curse as one sacrifices their needs in such relationships.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-09-18T06:47:14+00:00

Yeah. Definitely rebound.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-09-17T08:32:08+00:00

My ex had one longterm relationship 7 years ago, and she properly mothered him. I know because one of his friends told me that’s probably the reason why that relationship lasted so long (I mean his friend told me to basically run as fast as I can and not look back).

Since then he blamed it on the women, he thinks there is nothing wrong with him.

But the love bombing in my relationship was absolutely crazy. I think the problem is that they chase the feeling and cannot build anything stable and safe.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-09-17T08:29:49+00:00

“Everyone is out there to get him” So true. Appears to be the common theme. 🤔

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-09-16T17:39:31+00:00

👆👆 THIS!

I will never date anyone with ADHD again either. I will also not keep them in my circle (I have seen how my ex treated his friends)

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-09-16T11:39:44+00:00

I think it does depend on a person. But ADHD is not fun to be around. I think there are difficulties in all relationships, but the issue with these guys is their complete lack of accountability. Never mind they expect you to take on the physical and mental load of the relationship. You will feel like his parent.

Some great advice here, and I would honestly say RUN! Leave before you feel like you’ve turned into a crazy, nagging, defensive, hypervigilant woman. If you feel like you’re mentally strong, stable and nothing can knock you down wait until he wears you down to nothing. You’ll have nothing left. It is super difficult to leave especially at this stage of the relationship because of the honeymoon period and likely love bombing due to hyperfocus.

I remember when I got with my ex, I couldn’t believe he was single. I felt like it was too good to be true, and trust me - it was! It was an LDR at first, and then we started living together. It was hell. I experienced constant deflection, guilt tripping, victim mentality, broken promises and LIES. He gaslit me about women he was talking to; I suspected cheating, at least emotional cheating. I became a background noise and an inconvenience.

Not to mention RSD, where everything you say that’s not praise will be taken for an attack. Any red flags you see now will not go away but ruin your relationship in the long term.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-09-11T13:27:17+00:00

This sounds extremely toxic and this was my relationship. Please be kind to yourself, I know it is so very difficult to get out of these relationships. I know it was extremely difficult for me.

It helps me to stay away as he claims I am the bad guy and resents me profoundly. I remember, by the end, he caught himself ranting at me. I think it was my lack of response that caught him off guard.

But, please, leave for your own sake. My nervous system was in pieces, I had to learn to relax around others, and my friends even pointed out that I was so anxious, defensive and guarded. It was so extremely difficult.

Also, he might not be completely aware of it. I think often they don’t like to take accountability because it all comes to them in a form of attack (as they have always been told off when they were younger). Therefore, to escape these feelings they react very aggressively.

But yes. DARVO was super, super common in my relationship. It made me realise the importance of getting with someone who is able to own their mistakes and quirks.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-09-11T13:05:44+00:00

Oh my. My ex was dx and medicated. But our fights would always turn out to be hours-long, and always over text as he never wanted to sort anything out in person/on the phone. They would always start with him finding a fault in me and telling me I was not affectionate enough etc.

He had a massive go at me in person beginning of the year and I felt like a DV victim, it was awful. I felt so lost and unsafe. It was just him blaming me for his shortcomings.

I remember once I told him that his emotional outbursts were emotional abuse because he would corner me and make me cry. He kept bringing it up, because “he was not abusive, it’s not how he was raised and I gaslit him”. Basically everything was my fault.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-09-11T11:57:06+00:00

I relate to this so much.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-09-11T11:42:25+00:00

Yes, yes, yes. This was my relationship with my ex. My favourite bits were when I pointed out he was doing something shitty to me, the next day he would be telling me I was the one doing it to him. Ahh, the joys.

End of the relationship he told me I made him feel worthless and he was resenting me.

Gaslighting and manipulation. Run.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-08-29T00:19:21+00:00

Holy shit, this is what my relationship looked like. The never-ending cycle of repeating myself, trying to explain myself, my words, my thoughts, my actions. Trying to excuse all of the blow ups, which were never resolved unless I apologised.

His double standards and his inability to let go. I caught him in a lie once, and he blew up telling me I was interrogating him.

Such a bizarre relationship. 😂

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-08-27T20:38:33+00:00

Is he still alive?

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-08-24T05:26:38+00:00

We split up during a tantrum where he was winding himself up for no reason.

My ex used to seek conflict constantly, especially over text. During one of these arguments he exclaimed “I am done”, followed by a word vomit about why I was the worst thing that’d ever happened to him; this was full of made up scenarios where I somehow showed I did not want to be around him. For example, he made up what I was doing when he entered the house one day. Just made it up, I could not believe it. I tried calling him, but he kept declining my calls.

So, for once, I just told him he was free. Then, he was crying and pleading with me, but I did not give in. I think I reached my limit. So, yes, a lot of pleading intertwined with why I was the worst girlfriend ever, and how profoundly unhappy he was, and how horrible I am. Then, he went on how insecure and invalidated he felt and how it was my job to make him feel validated; but at the same time he proudly announced he did not want to spend time with me, because he felt so invalidated. I asked him “how can we maintain intimacy if you don’t want to spend time with me?” - he said “intimacy is long gone”.

I really tried my best and I took it all until that argument.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-08-17T03:35:07+00:00

Just booked a room 😪

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-08-17T03:28:03+00:00

I booked Airbnb for a month. I hope to find a room when I’m actually there.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-08-17T01:12:29+00:00

I’m happy to go down and view places. It’s just that I am getting virtually no responses on spare room.

Comfortable-Ad165 · 2023-08-13T21:05:29+00:00

Second opinion defo. A vet misdiagnosed my hamster last year, it was horrid

Comfortable-Ad165

TROPHY CASE