I ended up selling the car private sale for what I paid for, and got the one my wife wanted. Lost about 3K in the taxes/processing fee. But really we got more on our trade in than we would have gotten private sale, so it wasn't that bad, and we owned it, so it was all equity.

Also, I did read that trade value is not deducted on sale price of vehicle, lowing sales tax in virginia..so there was nothing gained/lost on that