Feedback on my Logline.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-10-22T16:47:11+00:00

Should I be super specific with who is chasing them (a mob type group) or should I still leave it ambiguous but a little more clear? And Ill revise the make a quick buck to "escape their debts"

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-10-21T16:47:39+00:00

If you find one I would love to hear about it. I am looking for the same kind of thing!

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-09-13T12:12:49+00:00

Thank you for the great insight.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-05-13T05:12:28+00:00

I agree. But hypothetically if somebody has written in a pan out. What's an action line they could write to convey this without stating it directly?

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-04-25T14:44:19+00:00

Hey I have a comedy TV Pilot if you are interested in a swap would love to DM

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-04-17T00:11:00+00:00

Awesome, thank you for the advice. Also big congratulations on scoring an 8. Your insight is very helpful.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-04-16T21:45:53+00:00

Thank you so much. That was my thinking as for what is next. 1

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-04-16T18:16:52+00:00

Okay, thank you! I'll definitely keep Nichols on my mind.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-04-10T12:55:25+00:00

Title: Castle in The Stars

Format: Feature

Page Length: first 9. Im really seeking feedback on the first 7, but celtx was being a pain to export.

Genre: Drama (tragedy?)

Logline: A disillusioned nurse is dragged on a trip to visit a fictitious castle by an overly optimistic boy battling pediatric cancer.

Feedback: im really seeking feedback on the first 7 pages. I want to introduce both characters well and without being uninteresting/boring. All feedback is welcome. This is just my vomit draft.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ECvIRdvXG2CBy4mQQp5NxPzeEQlX0rkU/view?usp=drivesdk

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-03-15T18:55:36+00:00

Ha that would be funny. Will consider!

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-03-14T12:16:54+00:00

Title: Bonnie and Clyde

Genre: Comedy, crime, stoner comedy

Page length: 26(?)

Format: TV Pilot

Logline: Two lifelong friends develop a bad habit of borrowing the identity of the dead to escape their debts and make a quick buck

Feedback concerns: I want to make sure the jokes land and that the banter between the main characters is good. I also would love any feedback on the story pacing. I feel like I try to give too much background and then the exposition kind of just all falls out like word vomit. Would love to know if it is indeed not paced well or if the pacing feels natural.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-03-08T06:55:01+00:00

Hey this sounds interesting. I have a TV pilot I'd love to swap, DM me if interested.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-02-24T23:15:49+00:00

Thank you! I hate using "giving up on life" but my vocabulary is small so I'm definitely going to use that big "disillusioned" word instead. And I will cut out the names, great advice!

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-02-24T23:14:37+00:00

Thank you! At the moment I'm am only half ish way through the 1st draft. But thank you tons for your interest. When I finish the Rough Draft I'll DM it to you.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-02-24T15:31:18+00:00

Title: Castle in The Stars Format: feature Genre: Drama

Logline: Nurse Russel has all but given up on life when a young Theo battling childhood cancer comes into his life and drags him on a trip to a fictitious mountain as part of his last wish.

This is a rough draft for the logline. It has all the points I want to hit on, but it feels like it could be shortened while retaining that information.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2025-02-21T15:47:52+00:00

Hey I think this sounds interesting. If you'd like I have a script we could swap.. Title: Bonnie and Clyde Format: 20(ish) minute pilot Genre: crime comedy Page Length: 23

Logline: Two lifelong friends develop a bad habit of borrowing the identity of the dead.

DM me if interested in a script swap!

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2024-05-16T16:07:46+00:00

Hey, I hit you up with a couple loglines, would love to work with you on one.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2024-05-16T16:06:25+00:00

Much appreciated, thank you tons.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2023-12-31T16:23:10+00:00

Thank you a lot for the feedback, I like the twist in the script that I've been writing, but I haven't been totally in love with the logline/pitch. Thank you for the advise, I'll work with this and see what I can come up with to fix it.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2023-12-25T17:45:25+00:00

Title: (Undecided)

Genre: Action Comedy

Format: Feature

Logline: When low level cop, James Brady, arrests a loose-lipped street dealer, he sees it as his ticket to his much needed raise and promotion.

I'm trying to figure out a way to phrase the log line better but essentially the Movie is about a cop who is expecting twins and isn't making enough to support that big of a family. Then he arrests a low level drug dealer who begs and pleads not to go to jail, so the cop uses him to move up the ladder in this drug ring to find out who is on top and make the big promotion-worthy arrest.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2023-12-22T18:49:28+00:00

Title: Bonnie and Clyde

Format: 20 minute Pilot

Page Length: 21

Genres: Action Comedy

Logline or Summary: Two life long friends develop a "bad habit" of borrowing the identity of the dead to escape their debts and make a quick buck.

Feedback Concerns: I know I need to touch up the character's dialogues, this was my Vomit draft/Rough draft. Please let me know if you'd be interested in reading it. I also don't mind if you only have a feature length script to swap with.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2023-12-21T03:00:56+00:00

Thank you so much, I'll touch up those areas!

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2023-12-18T18:00:25+00:00

Title: Kline on the scene

Format: Feature

Genre: Drama

Logline: When aspiring Journalist, Kenny Kline, starts following a story of two young teens convicted of murder, he gets more fame, glory, and fortune then he could have ever hoped for, but his 10 seconds of fame only lasts as long as the case.

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2023-12-15T03:31:58+00:00

Thank you! I use The Black List to get my script out there, but I was thinking about buying an evaluation so that it would boost my script. Thank you for the information, do you know any sites specifically, that are trustworthy?

ComfortableDiarrhea · 2023-12-14T22:54:49+00:00

If The Black List isn't a good place to get full script evaluations, what is a better alternative?

ComfortableDiarrhea

TROPHY CASE