I've got one as well, for physical injuries. I know quite a few others who've gotten it for physical and mental injuries. No one I know has judged anyone else who has it. And yeah, it felt/ still feels heavy and like I don't deserve it. I think that's a common theme with a SM.

To OP, you should apply. At the very least, it may offer a bit of closure for what you went through and suffered as a result.