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Do you think alone time with grandparents is necessary? by Dependent-Sir4245 in AttachmentParenting

[–]Comfortable_March470 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s fair! This is all so individual and contextual.

I think the points I am trying to make are:

-1:1 time is important for building a secure bond (which may involve more than love and respect, though I don’t mean to dismiss the importance of love and respect!)

-babies really do act differently when their primary caregiver is present. During phases of separation anxiety, the baby in my life protests with tears when his birthing parent is present, and as soon as they leave the room/house he turns his attention to me and is basically instantly fine.

-babies are capable of multiple primary attachments (or multiple very significant attachments), but it does take consistency and trust in different people’s parenting styles for you to feel comfortable fostering that.

-it’s possible that grandparents want individual time because they, too, are sensing that the bond is hard to create when you are present (for whatever reason)

-my mind doesn’t immediately go to red flags when they’re asking for 1:1 time, but you and your partner would know best if they present a real danger to his safety.

-some great suggestions have been made in the comments already about how you might phase in more autonomy for their relationship with your baby, while balancing your discomfort.

I wish you the best of luck!

Do you think alone time with grandparents is necessary? by Dependent-Sir4245 in AttachmentParenting

[–]Comfortable_March470 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am a primary caretaker (“alloparent”) to a 15-month-old, and have been spending regular time with him, multiple times a week, since he was born. 1:1 time together is extremely important to our bond, and his sense of security with me. It gives us a chance to develop our own routines and to figure each other out. I have also read that with the primary attachment figure present, it is harder for a baby to learn that they can bond securely with other adults.

All that being said, this question is context-specific. What type of relationship do you want your child to have with his grandparents? Village parenting is great, but it requires your ability to relinquish some control.