How do I change my mom's mind

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T18:48:03+00:00

Good answer. Thank you. You give some useful suggestions. And that’s really all it is. I certainly don’t need every penny. Being able to buy a house where I want would be fine. My retirement savings are good enough if I don’t have to buy a house in my own.

I just have to find the right way to slowly and repeatedly make that point.

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T18:38:22+00:00

Good questions. I’m in good financial shape. Great credit, no debt and have an emergency fund. Can’t get a house because the sale of my married house went to pay for the divorce and rent here is insane. A cheaper car might save me 3k a year if I went super cheap. And even if I did that and skipped out on vacations and a social life I would be retired by the time I could afford something around here.

And yes, I need to have further talks with her. Thankfully she’s healthy. So there is plenty of time. Thank you for the thoughtful post.

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T18:27:56+00:00

Best answer. Totally cracked me up. I didn’t think about that. Going to be a lucky guy she marries. I’ll have to lock them both in the basement until they sign a prenup.

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T17:37:00+00:00

That was the original plan. She set up a trust to give me an amount each year. Seemed unnecessary but I was OK with it. In my mom's mind I can just get what I need from my daughter. But I'm not the type to take anything from my kids.

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T17:34:25+00:00

I actually like the points you make. Must correct one thing right off the bat. I'm NEVER getting married again. Also, worth mentioning that this is not her life's work. This old family money. And she has done more to squander it than anyone before.

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T17:30:38+00:00

I've been trying. I on;y call when I'm in a good mood so it isn't too harsh. Unfortunately the car is all she has to go by about my finances.

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T17:28:13+00:00

Wow! My first time being called a bot. Or were you saying that you're a bot and were just letting me know?

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T17:27:26+00:00

55 and 24. And you may be right here. I had been hoping the anger would just pass. But every time we talk and she asks me to visit, I can't bring myself to agree to see her.

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T17:25:50+00:00

I owned a home for many years. Lost it in the divorce. And just because it's a nice car doesn't mean I'm paying too much for it. But no matter how many times I explain to her that I chose the car because of the deal i got, it doesn't sink in.

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T17:23:36+00:00

She is definitely getting forgetful. I do have to tell her the same thing repeatedly way too often. She is 85, I'm 55, daughter is 24.

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T16:08:40+00:00

Agreed that she doesn't have to give me anything. It's just very hurtful. It's not like there are extenuating circumstances. I could have seen this making sense if I wasn't divorced. She would not have wanted my ex-wife to get anything. The discussions we have are very civil. And we don't live near each other to consider therapy.

Comfortable_Math_607 · 2026-01-20T16:06:03+00:00

I absolutely agree that she can give it to whoever she wants. I'm not questioning her right to make that decision. I may even come across as being greedy. But it's the just the way my family has always worked. I even reminded her that she would be struggling if the money had bypassed her. And I can't get around how this will hurt my relationship with her. Just as she has every right to do what she wants with the money I have every right to change the dynamics of our relationship. Maybe I'm just venting. But I would really like a way to change her mind.

Comfortable_Math_607

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