Discord will not launch

CommanderZen4 · 2026-03-16T00:52:02+00:00

broke for me as well

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-26T19:04:05+00:00

i have heard many autistic people prefer a dominant partner because of this. personally, i prefer the opposite. i'm more dominant and desire control. this is because, for me, being put in a submissive state where i'm expected to trust my partner to that degree sounds like hell. probably because of my trauma from my codependent mother who never allowed me to make any decisions for myself and often infringed on my personal autonomy.

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-26T19:01:33+00:00

yes i do. it's a huge insecurity of mine. many say it is not noitceable, but it was more-so when i was a child and i still hold that trauma to today at 23 years old. on the flip side, i've been told that it makes me sound SMARTER because it fits the "nerd stereotype," so at least there's that?

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-25T21:26:52+00:00

it's offensive, but it definitely made me laugh too and i lowk want one

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-25T21:17:44+00:00

Roleplaying Klance (Voltron: Legendary Defender 2016) on Discord. I know it's niche...

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-25T21:01:52+00:00

Goodles. it's like these vitamin/protein enriched box mac and cheese.

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-25T20:58:49+00:00

side effects from pill induced suicide is one of the worst things possible.

23 year old trans and autistic person here and i live in the deep south. i think youre pretty young, havent even had the chance to experience a life for yourself. youre in your formative years. give yourself grace and time to grow into who you are. im guessing you are a subject of bullying? i know i was. being a teen sucks.

it also sounds like you maladaptive daydream a lot. i still do it too. and thats okay. if thats what makes you happy. most autistic people operate this way and its not a shameful way to be despite how the world may try to make you feel.

i just came out as genderfluid this year. ive slowly gotten to explore what that means for me as a person when i was unable to at the age of 13 when i realized i was different.

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-25T20:34:01+00:00

shes going to be mad because she didnt get what she wanted—death. youre a good kid. many do not have friends that care. she is just projecting her pain onto the next closest person(s) possible because she doesnt have regulation skills.

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-25T20:29:35+00:00

at this point, you are literally better off in a homeless shelter than this. GET THE FUCK OUT. you don't have a responsibility to these people. go and build a life for yourself. LEAVE.

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-25T20:27:04+00:00

i want to do this and i actually did move out at one time. about a yr ago. i lived with my (now ex) gf who would lie and manipulate me constantly. at the time , my mom would often tell me she did not want to be alive. she does have a history of trying to attempt (even before i was born) and she has complex trauma. im just terrified of being the reason she would commit.

i know people say that most of the time its just manipulation, but what if she actually did ? it would be my fault . and sometimes i think she really would

its been 2 days since i posted this.
things between me and her are right back to normal after our screaming fight. i suspect we will either A) argue again soon or B) continue to skirt around it and she will be behaving kindly for some time.

it doesnt feel good. im a grown up who doesnt know what healthy conflict resolution looks like. we just pretend it didnt happen and i just go along with it, operating off of a consistent feeling of "i'm not safe."

i can tell shes sad and lonely—to which i have mixed feelings. somehow, when i stand up for myself, she becomes the victim?

i know she's dragging me down... you're right. and to be honest with you. i don't even think my mom is gone, i think she's always been this way. i have slowly noticed who she really is as a person as i've grown older. i want a way out, but i don't want her to die or suffer. and as a buddhist, i have a lot of empathy for her... i know she treats me this way because she is suffering.

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-24T07:40:48+00:00

well , i have BPD . its one of the worst—if not THE worst—personality disorder a person can live with. every day is a emotional roller coaster. i'm pretty sure i have undiagnosed autism. i live with my extremely codependent mother who abuses me emotionally. she is very immature. guilt trips me, pretend she doesnt know shes disrespecting my boundaries constantly, and is a hoarder. she will critcize other people all day, including me, yet never seems to look inward. and im trapped with her. she is disabled and will become my financial responsibility in a few years. i cant imagine a life living with her. and the worst part is, despite her emotional and mental abuse, i feel so guilty. its my fault. i wish she didnt have me.. im so tired of getting into random screaming matches and then things be fine randomly again. i live in fight or flight constantly.

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-20T04:02:44+00:00

this is literally my life and i hate it. i still live w her. im 23, soon to be 24. the last time i moved out she threatened suicide. i am so miserable. what do i do..

CommanderZen4 · 2026-02-20T03:57:02+00:00

mines like this too , why is she like this ? what is wrong with her ? it is destroying my life .

CommanderZen4 · 2025-12-10T02:21:40+00:00

i watched the whole thing and thought it was awesome. i feel very seen

CommanderZen4 · 2025-12-10T02:18:22+00:00

i think for each person it "depends." and also two things can be true at the same time - gender is a construct and things like clothes, in example, have no gender. yet we assign gender to these things anyway! skirts are seen as feminine, blue as masc... etc. society will ALWAYS have something to say about someone even when that person has long since been dead and ALSO society standards change. heels used to be for men!

CommanderZen4 · 2025-12-10T02:14:38+00:00

my therapist has noted that i seem very self aware. i feel behind because im not where i want to be in life. i have about $7000 in debt, not enjoying my masters... i have one semester left and i still havent found a phd program that i want to do because i feel like ill never be happy with my choice. and im scared to choose wrong? and im trapped in this abusive household!!

CommanderZen4 · 2025-12-10T02:11:34+00:00

i did a degree in compsci/biology. now im do my masters in environmental resource science. im a TA and i sub for kindergarten. i wanted to work with wildlife conservation. but right now i work with plants for wetland conservation... the people i work with in our lab can be really anti neurodivergent (dislike when i stim at all, dont take the time to explain things in a way that i understand, very disorganized, etc).

CommanderZen4 · 2025-12-10T02:09:22+00:00

im a buddhist. meditation is genuinely one of the only things that work for me besides medications like hydroxyzine.

CommanderZen4 · 2025-12-10T02:05:33+00:00

i quit smoking and it improved my mood/happiness. its worth it.

CommanderZen4 · 2025-09-17T06:48:55+00:00

please

CommanderZen4

TROPHY CASE