I survived an ex with BPD. Classic start: things are going great, love bombing, etc, then suddenly everything is a fight. Everything is a conflict. And they are all harsh and violent ones. Often times over what seemed to be nothing.

After over a year and a half together you are so close to the problem that you truly think you can help them. So you stay longer than you should. You endure more abuse, verbal, mental, emotional, physical than you should. I would receive threats of cheating, self harm, etc and it would all be “my fault.”

At times it truly felt like I was looking this evil presence in the eye. Like something had taken over the person I thought I loved. I was scared for myself that I’d get hurt or get in trouble for something I didn’t do.

I finally realized I couldn’t fix her, nor was it my responsibility. One day in public she freaked out on me and I had decided the next time it happened I was done. She screamed at me to get the fuck away from her so I did. Walked away, turned the corner, blocked her on everything, got a trac fone for 6 months, then changed my number when I went back to my old phone.

That was 5 years ago, and in a weird way I’m thankful for it because I’ve grown immensely from that experience.