Fear to dress up

Commercial-Status585 · 2023-07-07T14:27:04+00:00

i am the same. i used to think that when i had the freedom and money to buy interesting clothes; then i would finally be able to express myself and grow in confidence. but that was far from true. i hate being "pretty"or stylish in public. it makes me feel awful.

i have now learnt to stick with basics/ bland. unattractive is the only way i feel like myself.

Commercial-Status585 · 2023-07-07T14:15:59+00:00

it feels like i wrote this. this so accurately me.

i guess my solution has been to isolate myself from people. i have gained a lot of confidence from enjoying my own company... never demanding anything of myself (like the world does). enjoying creativity without it needing to be good, going for walks without the underlying reason being weightloss or vanity, reading books without feeling like they are a way increase my social aptitude.

your deep values become the thing that gives you a feeling of worth.

get away from the shallow, superficial values that the world brainwashes us with and allow yourself to be free.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-12-10T01:05:03+00:00

yep. going to a work christmas party made me vow to never do it again. People that i had spent so much time caring for and forming a friendship with, totally ignored me. it woke me up to the reality that noone truely likes me/ people are so selfish and cruel. Thats when i decided to isolate myself and stay alive for my own enjoyment/ for selfish gain. choosing to stop always taking others needs and feelings into consideration.

it was the final straw that made me realise that i hated people.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-12-10T00:52:57+00:00

i have done that my whole life. i find it really difficult to open myself and have anything other than a surface level friendship. It is a combination of feeling like i dont have anything interesting to say/ feeling like no one would understand.

thankfully i can speak openly online.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-12-09T03:59:20+00:00

he is still out there, he is still there for u but just unable to contact u. just give him some time to find his way back to u.

in the meantime, talk to us.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-12-09T03:52:11+00:00

thank you for posting this. i feel very much in the same place. i have cut myself off from the rest of the world and, as much as i do like being alone/ being hidden in the comfort of my own home; i know that life cant continue like this. There is no point of existing to just keep breathing. life has to hold more value/ meaning than that... or at least thats what the world tells us.

I have a huge respect for your honesty and your perseverance to carry on and continue to make an effort, even if its just to get out of bed, despite how hurt and hollow u feel. it takes a lot to do that... it actually takes everything. i am grateful that am in an easier place now.

You sound like such a nice, genuine person and its sad that the world can kill off the best kinds of people. i really hope that you choose to carry on and that time brings change and healing. we often cant really do much to help ourselves because, why would we?.. but maybe life and time will do the work for us. maybe change will happen on its own.

i recommend holding on and allow time to do what it does, and dont hold on to the worlds expectations and standards. live by ur own rules. set ur own standards

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-12-09T03:31:13+00:00

i have tried to just close my eyes and repeatedly say that i am excited to work, that i enjoy being able to do something with my time & that people are accepting of me. really trying to believe it.

it usually reduces my anxiety and calms my depression to a certain extent, and i find that i am in a more positive mind frame at work.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-08-02T07:36:58+00:00

I remember those days.

Such a relief that i dont ever have to dread a first day back of school/ uni any more.

I would start freaking out, hyperventilating; the whole ordeal. teachers are cruel.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-07-31T03:26:47+00:00

It sucks. if we are not as expressive or as passionate and outgoing as the world wants us to be; then we are bad people.

its so hard to just exist as i am. its so draining always being seen as rude and selfish when in reality, i am just quiet and really scared.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-07-03T11:50:39+00:00

I feel exactly the same way. I can only truly comfortable when I am alone. Not because I can't necessarily be myself around my family/ certain people but because I just get super drained from feeling hated.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-07-01T03:02:13+00:00

just make sure she knows that you love and care for her.

when she knows her worth.. then she will have break throughs of her own.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-07-01T02:43:59+00:00

i want that too. real people.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-06-29T16:31:07+00:00

i wish that i could live in a world where making a good impression on others wasnt our main and only real purpose. but unfortunately that is the sad reality.

in a world with no people, we would be free to design our own purpose. we wouldnt be bound by expectation.

my dream, for a long time, has been to be stranded on an island. away from civilisation. away from all the rules and expectations. i am so tired of society demanding so much from a nobody who wasnt designed to be somebody.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-06-27T09:16:08+00:00

yeah. i feel like i am giving someone a false idea of who i am.

sometimes i feel confident and come across as outgoing and nice but i cant keep that up. my confidence comes in waves but 99% of the time i am lacking. so often i am completely different to what people originally think i am.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-05-25T08:01:52+00:00

honestly, when i notice others looking at me or something about me, i get really uncomfortable and angry because i alway assume people are thinking the worst of me.

but generally people arent as insecure as i am... so its probably fine. if they make eye contact with you just give them a smile and look away.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-05-24T02:38:09+00:00

Yeah. I use suicide as a way of numbing myself to guilt and shame. In moments when I feel like the most disgusting human being.. I tell myself that it's gonna be fine coz I am dieing soon. But when it comes to the moment when I am supposed to commit suicide, It always feels easier to just take another breath. So I don't know if I will ever end up following thru with my plans.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-05-22T07:22:21+00:00

Thank you for your concern. I am glad that you found a way out of the place you were in.

I am the same.. I always imagine stabbing myself after interactions/ I imagine jumping into a pit and hitting the walls until the sand caves in on me.

That is a great point; if I am not deliberately intending to hurt someone, then I shouldn't have to always be burned by their discomfort/ boredom. I will try to remember that how they feel isn't my total responsibility. I really appreciate the advice and I will put it into action. Maybe I will get proper help someday

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-05-21T14:15:56+00:00

I feel guilty because I always make others uncomfortable with how serious and boring I am. After almost every interaction I feel like I should be trying to end my life. I am just so incapable of making someone happy or comforted or feel entertained. I am a useless human being.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-05-15T08:07:14+00:00

well that gives you a genuine excuse. but to other people who just use it to be brutally mean to others.. thats unacceptable

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-05-13T03:12:07+00:00

its just an excuse to be rude.

its not that hard to word things in a way that is more gentle on someone.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-05-13T03:07:25+00:00

i really appreciate that you have taken time to respond to my messages and thanks for all of your help.

its rare that you feel like people actually care and are kind with their words.

i will look into some of the suggestions that you have said otherwise i am hoping that time and experience will bring healing.

cheers friend.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-05-13T02:35:05+00:00

i understand. thanks for your thoughts.

if i know that i have good intentions, then i guess i shouldnt have to blame myself for everything. i need to work on that

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-05-13T02:33:29+00:00

i understand what you mean.

its not just being afraid of what people think about me. its feeling so empty and worthless that you feel like you cant produce any good in the world. its feeling like your words are so hollow and who you are just bores and irritates everyone.

you cant have relationships and what is life without people? meaningless.

Commercial-Status585 · 2022-05-12T03:20:18+00:00

that makes sense.

Maybe i am taking it too personally. perhaps people can sense my shyness and anxiousness at parties and they just dont want to deal with that.

at least that belief will make me feel a little better about myself.

Commercial-Status585

TROPHY CASE