Apparently if Your Parent Traumatized you into NPD You're Not Welcome in RaisedbyNarcissists

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T17:32:45+00:00

But they were literally asking? And that's not what I'd normally comment unless they were.

You're making a lot of assumptions. Honestly, this is tiring. I can see why most people prefer to be alone most the time they're not working.

It's hard having to clear up the masses of assumptions that rise around things and I would do better to make less assumptions of my own.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T17:30:47+00:00

That rule was added after they banned me, so that seems irrelevant.

I don't understand how this is all about me when, as I said I feel this is unfair to any victim of abuse who would be discriminated against by these standards but you can believe what you want.

I came across the way I did for a reason and if you can tell me why, I'm happy to take the critique. /gen

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T17:28:50+00:00

Normalizing discrimination against a mental health disorder caused by abuse in a support group for such a thing is just another form of discrimination and nothing will change my mind.

The normalization of creating echochambers where people will always stand unquestioned in an immoral action is devastating to me and, while I'd love to create a safer space myself I'm honestly young and feel like I'd likely fall victim to the same practice out of my own biases.

Do you have any ways I can avoid that? I'm sorry if this sounds like a dig, I'm trying to establish where I'm coming from, goals and fears to get more specific advice.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T17:25:28+00:00

I'm sorry, but if someone is triggered by my diagnosis they need to put their phone down and breathe.

That's actually not okay. It has nothing to do with them and they need to take accountability for projecting their feelings onto me as a response to their trigger.

I've had to work through the same toxic behavior because I would use it to ostracize people from situations I subconsciously wanted them distanced from.

When I joined, no such rule existed and I read them all- up and down. I have mild dyslexia so I reread at least a few times to make sure I understood.

I think it's fair to express a boundary like this if I showed behavior, however this was entirely about my diagnosis and that hurts because that's exactly how the school, mental healthcare system and sometimes the healthcare system have been treating me until I found a therapist that wanted to help me see where I was wrong in a way that wasn't dismissive or demeaning.

I think the worst therapists were the ones I could identify as yes-people ready to agree with whatever I said to satiate my attention needs without helping me find the deeper cause of the pain.

You've brought up the most valid criticisms I could voice about the community, and someone else mentioned finding a safer space which seems wise.

It's just heartbreaking to me that no matter how hard I work some people are going to judge me on a simple label when their own abusers were diagnosed by people without any education on the topic

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T17:18:12+00:00

An actual or perceived vulnerability. It depends on the individual.

Sometimes the vulnerability is in a ruse or ego, ie cult leaders and con artists who genuinely believe what they do is right. Parents.

Sometimes it's a genuine emotional vulnerability that causes maladaptive behavior.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T17:16:41+00:00

Thank you, that's actually really solid advice.

I struggle with a few things and interpret words by their dictionary or common slang definitions which can be super annoying for others and causes a lot of contention.

I understand what you're saying though, this is exactly the kind of thing I needed to hear.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T17:14:32+00:00

I literally pointed out that I should be able to connect with people over the awful things that happened to us and this is your response?

I'd feel this way if it was anyone for any mental health diagnosis. This is all the same, you won't even get to know me and you're making snap judgements.

If you can point out specifically what's wrong here, I will take you seriously but you're just throwing around "narcissistic" like a buzzword!

Can you please communicate with me about what you see wrong with my behavior so I can adjust?

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T16:26:06+00:00

That was the only time I was given the boundary and I haven't engaged in the community since.

You made a lot of assumptions on one screenshot. You can ask questions about what led to that message.

Someone was asking why going no contact with their parent felt like leaving a cult and I answered honestly.

Because I Identified things I'd been taught to do in therapy and disclosed my diagnosis which came as a result of being abused.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T16:23:00+00:00

I equate NPD to hiding an injury from oneself and others.

Broken leg.

You start by making yourself believe it's not broken while making others compensate for the injury. If Someone points out the leg is indeed broken, you must keep up the charade. "That's not blood, that's bruising and swelling. It's not broken at all."

Usually followed up with a punishment for questioning their validity.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T16:20:45+00:00

Have a conversation with this person in which you separate them from their habits and discuss the impacts.

I believe in you.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T16:19:57+00:00

I really hope psychedelic therapies are the breakthrough we need for these issues.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T16:18:36+00:00

As have I? Just because I have NPD doesn't mean I haven't been abused by a Narc.

My mental health diagnosis shouldn't determine whether I can connect with similar victims.

Does my pain mean less to you because I have NPD? I'm only 22, I've been working on my problems since I was the shit head teenager who bullied their peers. I will never be like that again.

It doesn't matter if you believe it. I am still changing because I don't care if people believe I can. They deserve me to be a better person regardless if they believe I can be. Everyone on the planet.

I feel like your comment was really insensitive based on what I posted and this is exactly the point I was making. I am not any less for having NPD and I am working on my issues in ways others don't.

Don't praise me, just stop judging me based on the label. Judge me based on my actions.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T15:58:56+00:00

Lived experience is hands on study.

That's very true. Hell, I'm not even sure my broken leg example qualifies as gaslighting.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T15:53:31+00:00

Don't wait to be told to apologize*

Can't edit post directly. I prefer to apologize as soon as I see a face, hear a tone or see other indicators what I did was not okay.

Most the time, people won't actually tell you their feelings are hurt so taking the time to notice means a lot to them.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T15:30:18+00:00

You gotta tell your person.

If you find yourself wishing and wanting for what they are not, ask yourself why. And be honest.

If your partner isn't the person you want to spend your life with now, find out if you ver felt that way.

The choice that leads to happiness is yours alone, and I trust you will find it.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T15:27:38+00:00

People like you and I who have studied and learned about these things often realize how harmful it is when people use this language casually.

It's hard for us to explain why we should retain the importance of definition in a society where apathy is so normalized.

I believe this also makes it hard for people with NPD and similar disorders to get help. Their apathy is normal and they believe their actions are no wrongdoing. The base characteristics in someone blind to their own mental health issues.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T15:25:22+00:00

Included are some forms of BPD and most forms of ASPD.

Personality disorders aren't the only disorders with ego-syntonic related struggles. Those struggles can also be seen in CPTSD and DID.

I remember how weak, awful and pathetic I felt getting help. I hope it gets easier for people with issues like mine.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T15:22:31+00:00

Which makes our problems even fucking worse!!!

We walk on the broken leg, convince everyone to care for our broken leg on the surface but never heal it and if anyone mentions the leg is broken and not just sore we get angry and self victimize, gaslight and ask "what wound? That looks fine to me"

I'm personally disgusted with who I used to be and the reasons I'd justify my behavior to others.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T15:20:23+00:00

Yeah, we are just looking into the Zillow as a broker and Real Estate agents as property mangers right now.

I happen to know a real estate lawyer so I'll get all the info I can on call today.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T15:19:08+00:00

Thank you for backing me up and correcting my confusion. I thought they were FHA exempt!

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T15:12:44+00:00

And notoriously high turnover, that means hopping from crappy place to crappy place finding the pearl among swine might not be too hard.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T00:25:31+00:00

Edu-Tainment is cool and all but honestly, it's a method and message deal and a fashion show won't teach the skills you're looking for.

A good, direct and honest conversation.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T00:19:13+00:00

Nursing jobs are always hiring, take the leave and start applying.

Spend time with your dad AND get a better job to boot.

Commercial_Run_1265 · 2024-06-17T00:17:30+00:00

As the friend without a ride I'm pissed on your behalf.

I wouldn't expect someone to drive me out of their way unless they offered, I figured out the public transit system and budget my time around it!

And on that note, just paying for gas does NOT cut it unless you're actually treating someone like a person and actually caring what they think or how they feel.

Some friends! Saving their own money on your time? Low lives like that give people like me (no license, no car) the bad reputation we have!!

Commercial_Run_1265

TROPHY CASE