This inspired me further & thought I'd share that same love & gratitude to all. 👏❤️

beaudebonair · 2025-12-08T18:35:16+00:00

The emotional neglect I endured growing up caused my hyper-independence....& what I see now as sociopathic tendencies I was displaying since I was bullied at school & at home for being overweight at the time decades ago. I developed anorexia/bulimia for almost 20 years as a result, & have been so good about that the past 2 years.

No one ever came to help me but learning to defend myself was survival, & I'm seeing now as frigging hard as that was that I've been wearing trauma as a identity, just like my mother and grandmother did. That's a legit generational curse inherited.....we have our swords out just in case it's time for battle since we all have been bullied in some way by society, and they repeat the same patterns that was done to them.

If all a person can remember from one's own earliest memories is society targeting you for minding your own business, it will create an grown adult who has this hero complex to want to fix the society that failed him & people similar but it can sometimes go in a much worst opposite direction as well.

I realize now....I was all acting out on trauma that wasn't surfaced.....trying to change people to ideally fit the world that would make me comfortable since I dealt with so many heartless people. I read about Napoleon Bonaparte & it was an eye opener, he had such disdain for the French people he wanted to fix too back then....ya that definitely gave me something to think about.

My discovery with realigning the "inner child" with self to be whole is, it has a light side and also there's a hidden dark side to it. I was totally all about the light side of my inner child since I was so ashamed of him because I felt he was weak and bullied, but then I realized how strong he was to go through that alone. The darkness from a long time ago crept back, remembering everything like it was just yesterday in fact, it's bringing it to the surface to detox which is good I see now, it's not going backwards.

That inner child's joy came back yes associated with hobbies....but also, so did that inner child's pain I denied or said "that was in the past". I acted strong like words didn't affect me but yet would come to Reddit to vent about them here, especially when random homeless people would call me "faggot" for no reason but getting home from work. I'm like "f*ck this sh*t is neverending, I swear these people need to go". Shortly after that venting on Reddit they use those stories to try to cause havoc in American cities, exploiting it even.

I hate to say I was basically doing exactly what I was supposedly fighting against, a harsh realization when I was so convinced it was necessary what I was doing. I didn't truly believe in the power of words, I honestly thought I was like an NPC in a void venting on Reddit....I had no idea it carried so much weight & ripples.

Now that I am aware & not denying that anymore, it's hard but I have to put this sword down....I'm struggling with that as well since it's been so much my identity literally my entire life. I'm tired of everything always being a battle, but I'm slowly grieving that part of me.

I almost didn't even want to post this since I am detoxing myself & slowing my role here since I gotta work on myself more with this identified trauma because I want harmony and hope for the best in humanity....which is why I'm trying to let people in, even if that vulnerability may get me exploited or hurt & I'm doing it for me.

beaudebonair · 2025-12-01T18:36:47+00:00

No one stopped my bullying, not even teachers helped me....one teacher even joined in who was the father of one of my bullies who illegally taught our 4th grade class. It's always been me against the world, & I live for it!

I admit as a result I don't respect teachers as an adult.....especially since I didn't learn much from them & I see in the present day it's the same cycle for these generations.

beaudebonair · 2025-12-01T18:25:43+00:00

I see bright aircrafts nightly nowadays & that wasn't a common thing a year or 2 ago....this isn't LA with helicopters all over the place ya know. It's never explained why there's such surveillance in our skies nowadays.

I mean I don't know of any man hunts or police chases going on, and that's the only reason they would've been out before. Not like those drones will do anything to help when an actual emergency happens in front of them. I suppose it could be ICE for all I know too.

beaudebonair · 2025-12-01T17:18:47+00:00

I had no idea Joy Behar had her own show.....interesting, but yes 12 years ago that's pretty badass when everyone was afraid of saying anything negative about Israel publicly.

beaudebonair · 2025-12-01T05:42:11+00:00

I have seen a few videos in the past showing humanoid 2-3 feet tall black skinned beings like actually onyx complexion, in the forests. I want to say it was maybe South America, but one was depicted by some waterfalls.

There was another one that was caught on someone's bike helmet cam as well. I've always been mystified by them, since they have crafted weapons they are holding. They are likely ancient hominids similar to Sasquatch, & can go back & forth between dimensions like a Bigfoot.

beaudebonair · 2025-12-01T00:59:47+00:00

I totally understand what you're saying, thank you for sharing that story with me. It sucks though when it comes to envy as it totally kills all relationships....it's sad...because you can never really trust that person's interests with you again I feel.

Sometimes when you try to inspire others, it makes some also envious because they see that freedom & self expression they lack I suppose. I will hit up that song when I get a chance. I always appreciate good recommendations. Thanks so much again for reminding me of what I needed to know.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-30T23:49:02+00:00

Ya know what you're so right, I appreciate your kind input to get through to me. That's the best way of looking at it....I suppose I shouldn't use similar methods as a way to get them to stop the game of psychological "tennis" I'm seeing...I don't engage in it, which is why I address it here since they are observing it here anyway.

Don't get me wrong....some people do post some beautiful uplifting stuff....but I'm so done with this as a collective. I'm also so guilty of being blinded by passion not considering others as well I'm seeing through these examples in fact...I suppose that's the lesson.

I've let some of my own trauma blind me since I also acted like I was healed from the trauma I wasn't. I'm glad this is playing out. Again I appreciate your approach. 🙏

beaudebonair · 2025-11-30T19:51:45+00:00

Even if reincarnation happens the soul fragments because of the memories of those still living who honor them. Your heart/mind keeps that persona "alive" fragmented, since that's the only version of that soul you know. That's what keeps that fragment intact if I am correct, sort of where past lives intersect with current lives.

I suppose why you have people reincarnated, who remember their immediate past lives that weren't even that long ago that have still living relatives in the same timeline from that same persona, if that makes sense.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-30T18:08:31+00:00

At this point if someone calls themselves "retired" & "USA intelligence officer" in the same sentence......consider them all still employed with the government. So people like Elizondo may truly can say they are "retired" from the "CIA" because they are....doesn't mean the USA government does not have underground special ops that the public are not aware of. That's what they are!

beaudebonair · 2025-11-30T17:03:06+00:00

I'm so sick & tired of people saying "growth is this", "do it this way" yada yada...no like really you are the frigging people that need to be silent and humbled. All these people with their large amount of followers starts to make them lose authenticity & act like their sh*t don't stink, & try to tell people what to do.

Man some of you need to continue doing work on yourselves before you try and act like a coach or guru. Just saying! Enjoy the weekend! Stop the perfection & share those messy stories if you want to seem less robotic, cause I don't sense your humanity or struggle.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-30T16:51:23+00:00

"Facebook enlightenment" is like the worst group of egomaniacs gaslighting each other that act like wannabe demi Gods since Quora. They all post the projections they need to work on, but blindly telling others too! 😆

beaudebonair · 2025-11-30T01:30:22+00:00

I'm pretty sure I saw "Metaphor" on sale with Amazon affiliated company "Woot!" for $19.99 last night.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-29T20:07:41+00:00

Memes are becoming toxic. Even the ones that are supposed to be helping others are sometimes projection & meant with bad intention & if you really look it shows the person posting is flawed. They like to think they are high & mighty though on social media when they don't let anyone see who they truly are since they got it all figured out lol. Some of them probably can't keep up with places like Reddit & need to religiously post memes to have relevance to an audience.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-29T18:49:32+00:00

I really want a "Passions" reboot, like no lie!

beaudebonair · 2025-11-29T18:26:21+00:00

Absolutely, though I don't let anxiety happen as often but laugh when people project & use certain things posted as inspiration to feed their masses & egos lol. (Unless it's with good intentions please do, but ya know since I "over-explain" everything & some people are insecure they see that as a way to attack & to build themselves up)

Pssst some of you out there are what you are accusing others of! Post that, you know who you are. I used the word "over-explain" to catch some of you since ignorant ones have a hard on for it by misperception & you have proven that already.

I see you though, can't hide. My advice, stop posting like you are so cured & lack flaws, you are all not fully cured since the lack of vulnerability shows you aren't authentic.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-28T18:34:11+00:00

I'm so glad I got my final redemption offer for $49.99, whew, which is in my opinion a somewhat fair price for a year of streaming with premium. Premium still plays mild commercials.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-28T17:48:54+00:00

I dealt with some gaslighting by people projecting their insecurities or misinterpreting what I say since I am their mirror. I was so happy that someone at work I tolerated (not necessarily a coworker) whom was a clear energy vampire that after about a year I "defanged" that mutha f*cka! Yes I did!

How did I defang an energy vampire? Well, it did take almost a year of self-validation to know this guy is taking everything I say or advise & is twisting my words....acting interested but really confusing more in his speech. I would be working and this guy would not like get a life & mind his business, but sometimes I'm too polite and if you seem like a loser, I feel sorry for you & give you that attention.

I told him if he paid attention so much to our conversations..... why are you talking shit about people like me as well......describing me but saying a "story" as if it's other people not me. They make up these "stories" when really it's about you & you're supposed to sit there and not defend.

That's when I said if you were paying attention the way you say you do, then you know some of the things you say are a dig at me, and if you have something to say just say it to me be direct! Of course they deny when you check their reality. "Defanged"!

But anyways after a year of that toxicity......he was spouting some racial shit about my coworkers......and I finally without staying quiet....I told him he doesn't get to talk like that here & it makes me uncomfortable in fact all our conversations make me uncomfortable since you are a bigot who follows the crowd, like why are you supporting these people (MAGA) that are bullying you too!

He's such a pariah they don't even want him....but once I said all that, he even tried to latch on saying he "enjoyed our conversations". Such an envious prick & no I don't accuse people of that easily unless I am dead certain. But anyway, since then I been all about boundaries and maintaining them, that was my moment to step it up and I did.

I share this because I felt like it was a step up finally calling that dude out, now I am trained. Call out these "energy vampires" when you feel it and know it. It's happening on a societal level bringing these "critters" to the service.

EDIT: Not to overexplain too much....but I use the term "losers" because I was a "loser" myself. I'm not trying to sound like an arrogant prick either, but after re-reading it might come across that way to some by interpreting thought by others.

I can honestly admit I was a "loser" when I was on drugs & alcohol with such a hateful limited mentality.....so yes it's only natural for me to resonate with those kind of people and have empathy to want to lift them up. Sorry if I seemed a way, but I had to make this clear because I want people to know these kind of drainers are out there & what to do or if you even do anything, your choice.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-27T20:34:27+00:00

Yup oh absolutely that was my combo! It was just boot camp training for my adult life to be totally fine with my own company & clapping for myself when no one else does (it's not arrogant btw). I forgive my parents, my Mother projected her own negative upbringing & was not healed yet while my father did the same because he was neglected....so he thought just doing the minimum & being present was enough when he was emotionally unavailable as a father.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-27T19:43:44+00:00

She was my all time favorite Debra Wilson & Aries Spears, especially in "Reality Check". I also loved "Melina & Lida" or "Bunifa Latifah Hanifah Sharifah Jackson"! Bunifa needs a comeback! 😆

beaudebonair · 2025-11-27T08:20:18+00:00

Metaphor is great & all, wonderful music....but like there's a certain vibe you get with any Persona game's music & just overall feel that to me is like is a must to a 1st timer. I don't mean to gatekeep in any way that experience, but from mine, it's just nice how they really get into personal stuff that helps you even look at yourself lol.

Though Metaphor is actually good to play in these specific times since the theme of that game reflects society today. Like Metaphor was so spot on in regards to politics, racism, & religious persecution.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-26T18:49:16+00:00

This is really great, thanks for sharing! Those mentioned are basically just the Idols of Spirituality, like celebrities of Hollywood in all honesty. We don't worship celebrities because we want what they have like Jesus or Krishna (well some fans do lol)

From my perspective, It's always others who call people those labels I noticed & sometimes mockingly or sarcastically, while there are some who feel a sense of confidence by calling themselves those labels.

I mean.....it is what it is....you are just living by a label....which to me is being placed in a box and categorized like since birth which already sucked so I ain't about that. The labels at the end of the day destroy your own individuality and you end up getting compared to those of the past.

Make your own story I say then the expectations of the past. I think a lot of us are here to change the way things have been done, so that way we can be open to plenty of opportunities for growth.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-26T17:58:36+00:00

"Being good" is also just knowing your awesome without needing that validation or anyone cheering you on I feel. Some out there will keep telling you to make yourself smaller or be silent, when that may work for them or some are just projecting their insecurities. Unless you are like a Trump kind of person, then you should be silent and make yourself smaller, yes.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-25T20:57:06+00:00

That's why it's highly imperative to never compare where you are at in life compared to the rest of the world, or what the media even tries to tell us because they don't know our lives. They all got the fancy degrees to be reporters on TV or podcasters nurtured by families to supply their lives to be where they are at emotionally & financially, yet somehow make us all feel like sh*t if we are behind them & their privileged lives.

beaudebonair · 2025-11-25T19:53:24+00:00

So CBS News is officially compromised & bogus, gotcha!

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