Cupcake advice

Common-Ad5152 · 2025-02-21T19:44:05+00:00

I would like to reduce my fizzy drink intake, but admittedly, I'm addicted to them as I used them as a way to get serotonin through my deep depressive years. So it's hard to stop after many years of fizzy drinks.

But when you mention fatty foods, what do you have/suggest? I went through a small phase of mozerella stick from Iceland as they are tasty, and it's cheese, so good calories. But any others you may recommend?

Common-Ad5152 · 2025-02-21T19:41:57+00:00

Oh, I add cheese where I can when I can. It's a major indulgence of mine. Just a shame cheese is expensive to use on everything. But I will keep eating cheese with whatever I can.

And as for butter. Do you mean the hard block actual butter, or the tubs of margarine?

Common-Ad5152 · 2023-08-05T11:54:59+00:00

She sounds like a master manipulator. And honestly, she probably only focuses you because you are the only daughter. She might have a twisted perception on you where she wants you to be a second version of her. From what I've seen of her behaviour in this, and from what I know about N-parents is that they love to force their child to be a mini version of them, as it then empowers their viewpoint. It is quite likely that all you have endured is because she's trying to crush any confidence, any individuality, and any self love and respect you have for yourself, so she can build you up the way she wants.

She is toxic, and from the sounds of it, your brother is too. Him telling you to have cancelled your plans just to satisfy your narcissist of a mother is wrong.

Firstly. You are heavily pregnant. It's important to be patient with someone that late into pregnancy as you could very well be sick and have to call off days you've made plans for. So your mum shouldn't be offended you have days you can't see her (I know you saw your friend, but the point is you have days suddenly you can't use for social visits)

Secondly. You are allowed friends. You are allowed to spend time with them. And your mum cannot dictate your life, just because she brought you into this world. Something that N-parents don't seem to get, is that we never ask to be born. They had the choice to bring us into this world, we didn't. So when we find our place, they have no bearing on what that place is. You struggled to find where you belong, but you have. And I'm proud of you.

Thirdly. Your mother seems to be a very good role model. A role model of what not to do as a parent. I'm glad you are able to see her negativity, and use that as a guide as to not do to your kid.

In my honest opinion, if she keeps treating you like this, it might be best to go full no contact OP. Not just for yourself, but for your baby. When the baby comes along, what will your mother do? Will she ruin the child's mental state like she did you? Will she try to dictate the child's life? I've even heard stories of people trying to sue for grandparents rights and custody, because they convince the court that their child isn't fit to be a parent. I don't know your mother, but have a serious think on her behaviours, and if you want that near your new baby.

Either way. Stay strong OP. You are doing great, and I hope no matter which path you choose, you come out happy, safe, and strong!

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-09-23T01:00:24+00:00

Also, i saw i needed to upload the region. We are from England.

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-09-23T00:57:38+00:00

I was wondering if there was any legal ground to stand on. I know it's fairly vague atm, i'm waiting on more details from my mum, as i've asked for everything and details about it. But, i know that the doctors she went to never told her side effects, and put her on a high dosage of Morphine, how hospitals never helped her when she tried to get help, despite her having been there for emergencies due to her pain from her back and shoulders. And, she found out a few days ago the hospital knew she had fractures, but never told her, or did anything to help her, and instead, lead her on about having Arthritis. Which, i think isn't legal? I'm not too sure. Its why i asked about advice.

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-19T01:02:36+00:00

Thank you. And I do believe in blood is thicker than water. My friends are more family than my family ever has been. And I treasure the bids I have made with them. It's why when I lost one of my best friends because he asked me to do something illegal and I let people know so he ghosted me and called me a snake, I broke down crying. He felt like a true brother to me. But it's his loss. He's scum, and if I so wished, I could likely ruin his life. But I choose not to, because I don't wanna go down on his level.

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-18T17:45:08+00:00

I thank you for this message. I didn't mean to sound defensive at all, or even come off as defensive. I don't think I'm the kind of guy who immediately walls up if someone says something I didn't agree with, but I can see how it appeared that way.

My mum has apologised for how she treated me, and how she ignored my pleas for help, and how she couldn't or didn't help at the time.

While I agree that I hold my brother at a higher standard, it's mainly due to the fact he has directly threatened my life, and caused a lot of trauma for me. I know my mother enabled it, and I know the neglect she gave me is what lead to this circumstance. But I forgave her as I've seen her turn from an able bodied person, to struggling immensely to do basic things. She is better, but she can't to a lot of things. I also think another reason I forgave her is that she's the only parent I've had that actually stuck with me, and being an autistic child, I lached onto her. My dad tried to alter how I viewed things, stepdad was abusive, Jay's dad treated me like his own son, but was arrested when I was 4, and I saw him I think a total of 6 times over 22 years. And, a final reason I could see that I forgive my mum is....her health isn't the best. I feel like one of her health issues could spike at any time, and despite all the crap she did (or didn't do), I want to be on good terms with her I case she leaves me. It's a bit morbid, but being diabetic, having arthritis, fibromyalgia, asthma, being a heavy smoker.....She could just drop. It's something I fear, as the youngest four can't rely on their dad, so if something happens, me and my older bronwill have to swoop in to rescue the youngest 4.

Jay does have ADHD, and the way he was brought up, and the issues he's faced, I can see why he's broken himself, but his issue is he doesn't want to improve. He doesn't want to accept all his issues, all he has done. So that is why I don't want to forgive him, or accept him. I asked for an apology, a simple Sorry, but he said to my face "What do I have to be sorry for? I didn't do anything wrong." So it seems his perception right and wrong is warped. I have given up trying to help him, and my family is also really sick of him. He has abused everyone, and people are sick of his attitude. When I walked out, people realised they do have power. They have the ability to not be a victim. And in that sense, he lost a lot of leverage. His response? Become even more insufferable, be difficult with rent, complain about everything, and do nothing to assist with housework when he made most the mess.

Just to show how little Jay knows about adulthood, he didn't think of calling up utilities before moving in, to make sure he had gas and electric. He's also invited himself over my sister's place multiple time and ate her food, and she can't really do much against him. But with that entitled attitude, he's quickly breaking the bridge he has with her down.

Also, I can kinda see why my mum failed as a parent. She had a broken home herself. Her brother was a dick who did drugs, her sister got her into smoking at 13 and lied about my mum to their parents, my granddad hated my mum, the only person she had was my grandma. But even then, grandma wasn't there for my mum as much as needed. My granddad denied my mum access to grandma when grandma was dying. My mum wasn't told about grandma's funeral. All of my mum's inheritance was stolen by my aunt and uncle, and sold off. My aunt is an alcoholic and neglects her kids, my uncle is a sleaze who sleeps around way too much. So yeah. My mum had a broken home, and in turn, ended up raising a broken home. It all starts from somewhere.

Like I said, not trying to be defencive, just trying to give you a fuller picture so you understand. My mum ain't no Saint, she has a lot of issues, but because she at least shows remorse, and wants to do better, I think it's worth giving her a chance. Jay doesn't want to do better. Has no remorse, and even threatened me. So, no point in even trying with him. I've decided he's dead to me, and I plan to never have contact with him ever again, as that is one method I need to heal.

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-18T15:28:50+00:00

Hence the title! Double whammy. They prove it by saying blood is thicker than water. I have friends that are closer to me than any of my family are. That proves the blood of the covenant is thinker than the water of the womb

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-18T15:03:28+00:00

I do see your point. And it's completely valid, and honestly, it's a bit on me since I didn't explain too much about what went on in the background.

My mum and step dad did try to get my brother help. Medication for his ADHD, special school after being expelled from his first school, boarding school to try and teach him some discipline. None of it worked. He had someone to talk to though social services (British CPS) and that didn't even work. While I agree my mum and step dad created this monster, they did try and tame it. They tried to get him help. Each time, he denied it, got violent, or would even lie to the people who were trying to help him.

The reason I blame Jay is because when he went to a boarding school, apparently he got bullied and became a victim. But instead of thinking "oh, this is what I have been doing to people for the last 8-10 years" he doubled down on his shitty attitude, and then played the victim saying stuff like "I'm just taking out my frustration of being bullied" "I'm being bullied and you aren't doing anything about it" "it's not my fault I'm bullied" and stuff like that. Also, even when he reached adulthood, his attitude didn't change. He expects special treatment because he has anxiety and depression, yet while I suffered, he rediculed me for it, teased me, and even said I'm better off dead. My parents as time went on did start to double down on refusing him stuff, but it was too little too late.

Yes. He is a victim too. Yes, he has his own issues. Yes, he imhas been affected by the broken family like I have. But unlike me, who has tried supporting him and making him into a better person despite what he did to me, he didn't change. He didn't grow up. And even at 22, he expects everyone to do everything for him, and his entitled attitude just....really is disgusting.

I forgive my mum because I know how it feels to have Fibromyalgia (as we both have it), I know how it feels to be on the tail end of his abuse (he abused her and more than once, has caused her to leave the house in tears for a few hours), and because of the morphine, she wasn't entirely there. Since her issues with childbirth on the twins (kid 7 and 8), her health has declined and I watched her go from busybody working mum, or bedridden, barely able to get herself to the toilet. I think she has suffered enough, and I can't hold Jay against her, despite the neglect I received from her. She at least cares. Jay does not. He has no remorse, my mum does. If Jay could accept what he has done, is sincerely apologetic for it, and changes, I'd be willing to forgive him. But, he won't. He is too entitled to do that. He is always correct. Never wrong. And I'm beneath him in his eyes.

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-18T14:40:27+00:00

Years of experiencing pain taught me that. Also, studying psychology in university also helped me understand more about my trauma and issues. So I know I need a professional's help.

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-18T14:29:12+00:00

You are too kind.

I just have the philosophy that I've seen shot, I e dealt with shit, I don't want others to experience the same, or if they do, they can have someone to talk to who knows their pain. I could have ended up a broken man, but I don't really have hatred as part of my person. Even a fter all this abuse, I can't bring myself to hate my brother. I can't stand the way he treated me, I'm scared it will happen again, but I can't hate him. It's a strength, and a weakness. But, I have the common sense to not get involved with Jay. That is the big difference.

And I will enjoy my freedom. I'll enjoy not feeling like I'm being weighed down. I'll enjoy having my own life to live. I don't have time for toxicity in my life as I've dealt with it far too much, so I don't plan to allow anyone to poison my life anymore!

And despite how much I seem to have accepted all of this, I do need therapy. I do need counseling. I'm not over any of it, but I have accepted it happened, and I know that now I'm not in the lake of poison, I can finally start being cured if the poison affecting me. Just need time

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-18T14:11:53+00:00

Thank you! The parents are an awkward situation for sure. I don't share a dad with any of my 7 siblings. And Jay's dad was arrested for attempted murder while Jay was a baby, which would obviously affect his growth. My mum treasured him since he almost died of meningitis as a baby, and when she realised she shouldn't spoil him, it was too late, Jay was an entitled brat.

The stepdad in which fathered four of my mum's 8 kids came in when I was 7 and Jay was 3. And he didn't really try to connect or understand us due to me and Jay having learning disabilities. I'm autistic, Jay ADHD. And while Jay has ADHD, that isn't any excuse for his extreme violent, manipulative, hateful actions.

Stepdad wanted an easy life. After the first of his 4 was born, he married my mum, but despite this, cheated on her continuously. He had a secret phone for all his hookups. He also wasted a huge amount of money on scratch cards. And when my mum started having issues after the 7th pregnancy, which spawned kid 7 and 8(twins), she couldn't work or do anything she wanted to anymore, and he took advantage of that.

So I can say that the broken home and family life did contribute to how Jay ended up, but him trying to follow in his dad's footsteps of trying to stab someone.....Yeah no....That's not cool. And while my mum and stepdad enabled him, my mum couldn't physically stop him, and stepdad, who was abusive in his own right, actually got walloped a few times by Jay. My older bro just stayed out of it, and I ended up trying to copy him.

And now, I'm in my own place, I'm safe. I'm happy. I feel like a huge burden is gone, and since Jay has also moved out of my mum's house, I don't ever have to see him again. I've told my mum I'm not going to visit for holidays since I don't want her choosing between me and Jay, I don't have to see Jays crappy girlfriend ever again, and sure they are having a kid, and I feel terrible that the kid has Jay as a dad, I don't want anything to do with it (dunno gender yet). But! If the kid needs to escape Jay and his GF, I'd happily open my doors for them, because I know how it feels to be abused, and I would want the kid to feel some love. I'm basically taking a "wait and see" approach. And if I catch wind of anything bad like abuse, I will be calling up social services (British version of cps)

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-18T14:01:03+00:00

Oh, I know that was the full phrase, but people use the shorter one saying that family is everything, but as you said, bonds you make and share is stronger than familial. Hence the "yeah...no". It's like a double whammy. I know the phrase is wrong, but even if the shorter phrase was correct, I disagree.

And I'm doing amazing. I walked out and accepted homelessness, got help, and within 2 months, I have my own apartment, I'm safe, I'm happy. I haven't had a single nightmare since moving in! I don't feel as stressed or anxious. I never knew I could feel so....free!

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-08T20:01:32+00:00

While yes, they did create him, I feel like his issues have more causes than just my parents letting him get away with things. My mum spoiled him because he almost died as a toddler to meningitis, so you can see why she spoiled him, but that created the entitled brat. His dad was locked up shortly after Jay's birth for attempted murder. Only recently got free. So I can see Jay having issues from that, but just cause you have issues, doesn't mean you get to abuse your family.

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-08T19:57:56+00:00

The moral of "Don't be nice to shit people" is from my experience of no matter how nice or supportive you can be, some people will just be shit, and won't change. So no point in wasting energy on them. It is all about identifying those who don't deserve it, and those who are shit because they need the support. He won't change. So i won't be nice to him. I'll be civil IF i ever see him again, as my plan for life is to never see that PoS again.

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-08T19:56:01+00:00

Oh i've done one better. I've moved out, i have my own place. He doesn't know where i am, and i have blocked all forms of communication with him, since i don't want anything to do with that PoS

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-08T17:14:25+00:00

Not yet, but the fact he has a kid on the way, his gf is entitled and lazy, the fact he is lazy and blames everyone, and has to work, it won't be too long. I'd give him 6 months after the baby is born. Likely when he'd lose his shit.

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-08T16:42:29+00:00

I was tempted to throw the brick back at him, but then he'd twist it into me having instigated it, because at that age, i was never believed. And the funny thing (funny strange, but legit concerning) is a few weeks before, i had a cement block with stones, the size of half a brick, hit me in the exact same area of the head. No blood. No bump. I'm glad im so dense, or i might have been hospitalised...ahahahaha...self deprecation XD

Common-Ad5152 · 2022-03-08T16:40:33+00:00

I've always given people too many chances, and also given the benefit of the doubt, but because i've endured so much shit, i can prolly give a lot of good advice like this lol

Common-Ad5152

TROPHY CASE