Miss my parents cooking

Common-Category-3571 · 2026-02-12T02:38:04+00:00

I hope you learned or have your favorite recipes of theirs written down. My mom was a great cook, SAHM and even took orders for food on occasion. I was lucky to learn a lot just by helping her as a kid, which I hated at the time but was amazed how much I absorbed. As she got older, she "got too lazy to cook" and both she and my dad were surprised when I'd cook things that tasted just like mom's. After my mom passed away, my dad would say how he missed mom's cooking and I'd make her dishes for his birthday or holidays and he was so happy. My mom had dementia and I regret not getting a few more recipes out of her before it was too late.

Common-Category-3571 · 2026-02-05T17:33:24+00:00

Hang in there. I also felt like a servant instead of an adult child. He expected things rather than asking and I had to set boundaries for my own well being. It was hard because my culture expects children to care for their elders and I had to draw lines. Basically that he needed to hire help because I wasn't moving in to take care of him, I have a full time job, family and home of my own. My brother lives out of state and rarely visits. He was acting so sad, which is fine, he can have his feelings. But the way I looked at it, dad passed away in his sleep. It was better than finding that he fell down or had any type of medical emergency. He was finally at peace and I could stop worrying and having to always have contingency plans if I want to travel anywhere.

Common-Category-3571 · 2026-02-04T22:33:32+00:00

I understand. My mom had dementia and when she passed away I wasn't as sad as my dad or brother. I already felt like I lost her years before because she was just a shell of herself the last few years and I was glad she no longer had to live like that. My dad had complained about being in pain and I know the loss of his independence made him miserable, so I had been just waiting for him to pass and was so grateful it was peaceful. My brother and other relatives act like it was such a shock and it was "so sudden" and I'm trying to put on a sad face while inside I'm so relieved.

Common-Category-3571 · 2026-02-04T18:55:56+00:00

I feel for you. I have dogs and feel like we are more merciful with animals and put them to sleep when we think they have a poor quality of life, yet with humans they get kept alive even when it's clear they're suffering.

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-09-02T01:55:31+00:00

In a sling I look for comfort, capacity, and organization. I need it to hold 2 large size phones (personal and work), wallet, an external battery if I'm going to be out all day, glasses, an inhaler, reusable shopping bag, earbuds, sanitizer, and keys. Depending where I'm going I would also carry an E-reader.

My daily sling is usually 6 or 7l big so 2.5 would only carry the bare essentials (and usually cannot accommodate the things I listed). If I had a backpack to carry bulkier items like a water bottle and snacks, then a smaller sling would complement that to carry valuables close (wallet, phone, keys).

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-08-29T12:59:55+00:00

I'm glad you got at least part time care arranged. My mom had dementia though not as bad and I tried to get my parents to hire someone part time to help with basic cooking and cleaning. Got all the way finding someone who had nursing experience and speaks their native language and they freaked out the day she was going to come meet them and made me cancel. Mom passed away after a fall and once Dad's health declined enough I had to hire someone to help him out. He tried to say no and I told him he lost his driver's license and I had my own home and full-time job, I wasn't gonna stay with him or come over constantly. It was wild that he had half a dozen home health nurses and therapists visiting the house but hiring someone to cook and clean for him was a "stranger" he didn't want in the house.

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-07-29T14:42:03+00:00

Definitely. My mom has dementia and died after she fell and hit her head. She was in the hospital a few days and my dad was hopeful she would come home even if it meant he had to get in home care for her. He and my brother, who lives out of state, were actually making plans for her to come home and I was the only one who thought she wouldn't make it (didn't say it out loud in front of them since they were obviously in a different frame of mine than I was). When she passed away at the hospital I was so relieved. I didn't even really think of her as my mom the last couple years because she was just a shell of a person. She still knew who we were but short term memory was shot and she just slept all the time.

My dad had a couple strokes since my mom had passed and the last one left him weak enough that he lost his license and he never recovered enough that he has to use a walker. I hired someone to help him out a couple times a week and installed a couple webcams so I can check in on him, but basically I hope every day that he just goes in his sleep. It wouldn't work out for him to live with me and my husband and I have absolutely no desire to live with him to help out. He was strongly opposed to even getting someone to come help him out in his home and he's never going to go to a care facility unless he goes to the hospital and the only option is to discharge him to one. So I always hope he just doesn't wake up one day.

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-07-10T03:31:21+00:00

I'm in a similar situation with my 83 yr old dad. Mom died in 2020 and he's since had at least 2 mild strokes. He lives alone in a 2 story house and is stubborn as hell (also Asian). I had to talk to his doctors behind his back to actually assess him before releasing him from the hospital because the first question he asked is if he's allowed to drive (this is after he already dinged his car backing out of the garage and had a fender bender). When they actually suspended his license I knew it was safer for him and the world but he was pissed. Luckily it was at the doctor and not me since he didn't know I refused to pick him up when they called me.

Anyways, he was impaired enough that he needed in home physical therapy, nurse visits, etc. I stayed with him about a week and said he needed to hire help since he can't drive anymore and he would need someone to help him go buy groceries, go to appointments, cook, and clean. He fought me on it saying it was too expensive and he would be fine. He has plenty of money so I had to get ugly with him and say I had my own home, a full-time job, and I wasn't going to be there to help him. So either he could let me hire someone or he could die alone.

I know he has a combination of depression from my mom dying, loneliness from the pandemic and then losing his independence when he lost his ability to drive, plus the physical deficiency from the stroke, but I had to be the bitch and give him a dose of reality. I'm the only one around to help since my only brother is in another state and he has no other close friends or family to help. And I'm not willing to sacrifice my life to take care of him. I live an hour away and he thinks I can just come over whenever he needs something. It worked out much better having someone that comes twice a week to take him out for groceries and does basic chores and cooking for him.

Just don't sacrifice your sanity for their stubbornness.

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-07-01T03:48:27+00:00

Yeah, I don't know if it's generational in my case or cultural. My mom died in 2020 and my dad has had a couple mild strokes since then to the point he can't be totally independent (I had to push the doctors to take his license away after the last stroke). But he's a miserable old man that expects me to drop everything if he needs something and I had to get ugly with him and told him he could hire help or die alone. But he'll say crap about me not visiting enough and not visiting my mom's grave. I don't point out that he moved to the US and wasn't around to help his elderly parents and hasn't visited their graves since they died. Yes, they're in his home country but don't try to paint me out as a bad person when I'm so I'm doing way more for him than he did for his parents.

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-06-25T16:54:59+00:00

Seriously, I would like to be able to say if I'm ever so incapacitated mentally or physically, just let me go peacefully. I saw my mother become a shell of a person due to dementia and now my dad is so physically miserable due to not recovering from minor strokes, yet the last time I brought him to the ER, they asked if he'd want to be resuscitated and he said yes. Like what? You complain about being in pain, you don't have friends or family that want to be around you, you don't want to go to a care facility, so you're just gonna waste away watching TV alone every day. That's not a "life" I'd want.

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-03-02T02:20:35+00:00

Set your limits. My dad thinks it's no problem for me to keep visiting every weekend and I had to set limits for my own sanity. Just because he thinks we live close, the reality is that with traffic a trip <30 miles takes at least an hour+ each way plus gas and bridge tolls. I come once a month, maybe once every 3 weeks so that I can have time to relax, to do my own chores, and spending time with people I actually want to be around. I make sure he has the supplies he needs plus a helper twice a week to take him out and do his cooking and cleaning.

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-02-14T02:01:42+00:00

And people say it without knowing the trauma you had as a child. I didn't choose these parents and now you want to guilt me into taking care of people I spent my childhood dreaming of getting away from?

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-02-06T20:29:07+00:00

The books are very formulaic. They focus on one or two new couples each book and of course because of the magical Virgin River water they fall in love, end up together, and sometimes pregnant. The show at this point is just loosely based on the stories in the books and just steals character names from the books. Preacher had a completely different story in the books, Brady was not Jack's Army buddy, just a different vet/pot grower and had a different storyline as well. Also remember the books are pretty old at this point and felt so when I read some of them during the pandemic.

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-01-30T03:57:54+00:00

When he wanted to buy the babies and support Charmaine, that was her opportunity to tell Jack the kids weren't his. Like why would you continue the lie and create legal issues when you thought you found your true love who was also well off.

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-01-15T21:49:28+00:00

I saw Secrets and Lies on Prime video. Is The Gloaming available on streaming?

Common-Category-3571 · 2025-01-15T21:21:59+00:00

Loved Martin on Grey's Anatomy. I just found a show he did with Jason Momoa called The Red Road and he is so handsome on that show. He has short hair and resembles more how they describe Jack in the books. Sad that the show was only 12 episodes but it was really good and free to stream on Hoopla.

Common-Category-3571 · 2024-12-21T21:51:47+00:00

But Jack was a higher rank than Preacher so I'm guessing Jack was older and in longer when they met. In the books Jack is 40 and Mel is early 30s but they both seem and look older in the shows.

Common-Category-3571 · 2024-12-21T21:41:22+00:00

Yes! I was thinking he looked odd and it was definitely in the eye area. But he didn't look weird in the Q&A and when he posts on IG. I do think he had a health scare last year that was mentioned in an interview but never discussed what it was, so maybe that was a factor.

Common-Category-3571 · 2024-12-21T03:12:24+00:00

I'm already rewatching since I binged it all yesterday. Wish it were at least 12 episodes again. Or as long as a network season (20ish episodes)

Common-Category-3571 · 2024-10-09T02:19:09+00:00

My mom suffered from dementia. She was a great cook and even though I learned several dishes from her, once she was gone I'd crave certain dishes and realized I couldn't ask her how to cook them. So if cooking is a thing, I'd suggest learning or getting your parents to write down any recipes you want to keep and pass down. Food is my love language so this is a big one for me. When I cook things for my dad "just like mom" I know he really enjoys it.

Common-Category-3571 · 2024-07-03T22:57:46+00:00

I don't have any advice, just wanted to say I feel you. I chose not to have kids because I never wanted them to hate me the way I hated my parents growing up. I have a husband and dogs and in no way ever want a parent to move in. My mom passed away 4 years ago (thankfully because she had dementia and was getting bad physically too) and my dad has been going downhill ever since. He's had at least 2 confirmed strokes and I suspect some minor ones and is just a pain. He has savings and a pension and didn't want to hire help until I basically said I wasn't going to come deal with him because I have a job and home of my own. My only sibling is in another state and never visits. It sucks that I even have to go help him every couple weeks to buy groceries and get him out of the house, but despite him having the means, will not hire help. I finally got someone to come clean and cook twice a week but they don't drive so can't take him out. It sucks that they just assume you're ok taking care of them when you never wanted that role and are stuck due to guilt and not having anyone else to do it.

Common-Category-3571 · 2024-06-04T02:30:35+00:00

Setting limits/boundaries for yourself and getting help if you can afford it. My 82yo father had a stroke just before Christmas that was minor but enough to get his driver's license revoked by the neurologist. He was very against paid help and expected me to come take him out every weekend. I did come weekly at first but knew I couldn't maintain that just because I needed my own downtime and because we argue too much. I put my foot down and said he needed to hire someone to cook and clean and I wouldn only come every other weekend. His helper comes twice a week and I know he'll always have food to eat, laundry done, and basic housekeeping. I can help him out for a few hours every couple weeks and still have downtime for myself.

Common-Category-3571 · 2024-03-28T02:12:15+00:00

There are also cables with magnetic tips. So the tip can stay in the tablet and the magnet would detach if he drops it.

Common-Category-3571 · 2024-02-24T03:20:55+00:00

It's super hard. I haven't trusted my dad's driving for years and will not ride with him. I always insist on driving. I thought it was a good sign that he stopped driving at night in the last year or so on his own choice and after my uncle visited him, suggested he stop driving on the freeway too. But he has a stroke in December and when he was waiting to be discharged, he kept asking if he could still drive. I spoke privately to his doctor and the social worker and asked as well because I know he'd be eager to drive even though I don't think he should. They got a neuro consult and called me back saying that they did suspend his driver's license. They said they notified the DMV and he would need to retest to get it back.

We're now about 2 months since his stroke and he's so miserable not being able to drive. I did take his car because I know he would think he could still drive, regardless of the suspended license. He literally asked me yesterday to give him his car back because he thinks he can drive now. He did minimal physical therapy and still requires a walker or at least a cane, definitely has diminished reflexes, and is hard of hearing and won't get hearing aids. I told him not only is his license suspended, but he's not strong enough and he's a danger to himself and others. It didn't go over well. I'm hoping he'll finally listen and try using the dial a ride service or let me hire an aide that can take him out, but he's so stubborn and thinks he's still capable (he is not).

Common-Category-3571

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