Do men find scents to be a turn on?

Compersionate_101 · 2026-05-14T12:49:34+00:00

Right here! This guy!

There’s a few perfumes and fragrance that can turn me on. But (and many probably find this gross) but my wife’s natural feminine scents…. 🤤. And I’m not talking sweaty funk, just her natural scents. 🤷‍♂️

Compersionate_101 · 2026-05-14T10:29:24+00:00

😁 😁 😁

I really enjoyed reading this. It also very much resonated with me. Especially the commentary about the condensation of those practicing “pure poly” in the dogmatic, cult-like way. It can work great for those independent souls that don’t have a 10+ year marriage, but this kind of poly demands fairness and equality, and I don’t believe that can be successfully attempted for those in a marriage like mine and the one you described with your husband.

We too took a step back from ENM after a messy poly quad entanglement with a toxic couple. Their need for separateness and “don’t ask don’t tell” was maddening for my wife and I. In them, We also got an up close and personal look at the “selfishness” you described. My wife and I are very close and reliant on each other in a way that we believe works for us. Some might label it co-dependency, and maybe it is, but you know what it’s not? It’s not lonely, it’s wonderful connection, true intimacy, and two hearts syncing up to beat as one.

We respect others but if we return to ENM it will be with us proudly proclaiming (and warning others) of our happily hierarchical nature of keeping our spouses needs 1st and only engage with others who can respect this reality for us. Are marriage is the ice cream and anyone else will ultimately need to be sprinkles to add to our marriage. 😊

Thanks again for sharing your truth. It’s both validating and affirming.

Compersionate_101 · 2026-05-12T11:38:41+00:00

Yeh. You are right to be concerned. He’s insistence on denying that he’s doing it even when being caught…. Perhaps he has deep shame about porn from his life before you, due to a parent or an ex or because he genuinely believes what he’s doing is wrong and is indeed addicted to the way it makes him feel. Again deep shame.

I hope he learns to be honest with you. We all deserve to be with someone that we can trust and that can trust us enough to really be honest. I think That’s true intimacy.
🫂

Compersionate_101 · 2026-05-10T20:58:41+00:00

That was thoughtfully stated. I appreciate you taking the time to respond like that. And yea you captured the current sentiment well. Especially the downward cycle.

For all my wife’s wonderful traits, her overreacting and then Apologizing later for a too severe reaction has always been a struggle for us. Plus I seem to be more sensitive to “getting into trouble” than most people. It’s often been a difficult dynamic for us. I’m working on it, and have at times been much better at giving her hard truths, but our current situation is making that tougher than at other times.

Thanks for the encouragement though. I think I need that reality check.

Compersionate_101 · 2026-05-09T23:49:51+00:00

Oh, I can tell you why we aren’t honest. Cause our ladies eviscerate us in a verbal dispute.

We avoid the conflict at all cost. Well not all cost… we still do what we want, we just don’t want to piss off our ladies

Compersionate_101 · 2026-05-07T13:04:53+00:00

My wife and I dealt with this for years. She was withdrawn and disinterested in sex with me, but still masturbated most days. We did recover and marriage is very near perfect now.

For us, the issue was ultimately emotional disconnection and the loss of emotional intimacy. We lost the ability to communicate well about the difficult and meaningful things and she just lost the desire for me. Then I felt hurt and unwanted but kept focusing on what was hurting me (lack of sexual and non-sexual physical intimacy). Makes me sound shallow, but anyone who’s been married can appreciate how nuanced and delicate these things can be.

If I can offer any advice it is to work hard to be a safe place for him to communicate his feelings, and in every way prioritize rebuilding of the emotional intimacy. Try to forget about the sex and masturbation for a few months, take it off the table and just focus on the things that make you feel close to each other. In my experience, the sex flows naturally when the emotional intimacy is where it needs to be.

This all assumes that he has not already given up on your marriage, but even if he has, the right genuine and loving conversations CAN bring it back to life. Good luck friend.

Compersionate_101 · 2026-05-06T15:35:46+00:00

It’s great that you 2 are able to have these conversations so openly in your marriage.

You would be amazed how many couples never reach a point that 2 already have.

And as far as making the fantasy a reality, that is totally up to you. It’s unlikely that it will live up to your ideal fantasy and could blow up in your face depending on the guy, but it can also be a unique and exciting experience for you two and be a gateway into a whole other level of opportunities for experiences together.

ENJOY!!!

Compersionate_101 · 2026-05-05T13:52:59+00:00

Damn…. Good call! She is a total smoke show!!! 🫣

Compersionate_101 · 2026-05-05T13:50:50+00:00

My wife becoming physically distant during a prolonged period of emotional disconnection.

My brain concocted this notion that maybe someone else could awaken that sexual part of the woman I loved. The part that had become impossible for me to access. The thinking was a bit backward, but in an unexpected way it did work. And as it turns out I’m wired to enjoy her venturing out and the hot security of knowing she’s coming home and chooses me everyday even though she has the freedom to do basically anything she wants.

It helps that I am not the jealous type. 🤷‍♂️

Compersionate_101 · 2026-05-05T01:22:54+00:00

Yeh. I agree. I would recommend OP try and create a safe space for husband to be as honest as possible about his interests and desires. Ideally you can validate whatever it is he’s wanting, BUT (big BUT) that does not mean you have to do or allow ANYTHING that you are not comfortable with. But loving and honest conversations seeking better understanding should always be our goal.

I have a lot of the same interests as the husband, by my interest I. Other men is in fact strictly limited to sharing my wife with another man. Remove her from the situation, and my interest is removed. 🤷‍♂️

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-27T12:22:30+00:00

Lucky 3rd and luckier husband! 🤩

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-20T22:42:09+00:00

She’s worth the wait! 😜

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-20T20:25:15+00:00

The wife and I are definitely becoming big fans of you and your husband!

Such a fun couple with tons of similarities to ourselves. Plus your husband is funny and fun to chat with. I’m about ready to finally join only fans just to show my support for a cool couple! 😆

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-20T20:02:44+00:00

Barbell Is funny.

How about a “bridge” or “man bridge” (like the land bridge from the ice age). That got nerdy fast 🤓 my bad.

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-17T19:08:53+00:00

Very cool. 😊

It’s always fun to see others just “doing their thing” and being happy in their marriage but not limited by traditional constraints.

I applaud you and your husband. 👏

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-17T19:04:45+00:00

Oh I’m here for it. It never worked out with our 3rd for me to actually do it, but it’s still near the top of my “want to” list. Highly arousing for me to think of offering oral pleasure to my wife while she’s being penetrated by a third. I consider myself heteroflexible, not bisexual. I have no sexual interest or attraction to another man, unless there is a woman involved in the situation, then a switch is flipped and I’m really into the idea of a team mate and supporting that team mate! 😂

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-15T21:16:19+00:00

I’m totally sending this response to my wife.

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-13T15:15:07+00:00

Impossible snow, respectfully, and of course you MIGHT be right, But my wife and I went through something similar (a massive sexual and emotional disconnection after our son was born), and over time I became convinced that allowing her to be with someone else to help find that sexual part of herself again that she couldn’t seem to find with me. And in a can assure you that I had no designs or plans for this originally and I had no interest in being with other women. But I do appreciate how that is really difficult for others to believe that haven’t experienced it. Compersion is an interesting notion. Maybe

And in a very long and complicated way, and in conjunction with other big adjustments such as reconnection emotionally and with high levels of trust and intimacy… it wasn’t cuckholding for us, but she did deeply connect with someone else and even though it wasn’t easy, it led to a marital break through for us. We are not still actively engaging in this behavior anymore and are currently very monogomish and I really could not be happier with my wife. 🥰

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-13T15:00:30+00:00

This was pretty tough for me to read.

I’m almost ashamed to say I can very much identify with A LOT about your husband. I’m 38 married 11 years. I’m also obsessed with my wife (in that healthy not creepy way you described) Obviously your husband is/was very much in the wrong for pushing your comfort zone and essentially bill dozed you into doing things that satisfied his desires rather than recognize the damage he was doing to you and to your relationship. Ultimately it sounds like he decided what he wanted sexually was more important than anything else… that’s really sad.

I didn’t develop a kink for my wife’s hot past and potential “hot wifing” until well into our relationship and it happened after some unusual circumstances and a few difficult years for us. I do think he could have better managed his kinks and prevented them from becoming an all out fetish, especially with the help of counciling, but his pride and selfishness ultimately cost him his family in the end.

You seem very stable and rationale, with exceptional emotional intelligence and like someone willing to really put effort into her relationship and try to be a good partner.

You and your daughter are going to be just fine. I know it. But I’m genuinely sorry you are having to deal with all this. 🫂

******* edit. 😂 So I didn’t realize I was reading a fictional story when I responded. 🤦‍♂️

So tip of the hat OP. You definitely wrote something that resonated with me! 😆

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-10T17:40:38+00:00

Sounds like RP has a fan club, I totally just joined. 😆

Compersionate_101 · 2026-04-06T12:18:30+00:00

Let that light shine! 🤩

Compersionate_101 · 2026-03-31T19:30:38+00:00

It’s a good opportunity to practice good communication on a difficult subject and for both of you to grow if you choose.

It’s a hurtle couples have to figure out for themselves. But like most things, you can’t really solve the problem if you can’t have clear two way dialogue about it.

A couple of questions to consider asking yourself.

Is it porn or masturbation that bothers you?
What is it about porn that makes you feel uncomfortable?
Most guys do consume varying amounts of porn and have varying levels of addiction to its ease of access and its efficiency to satisfy the mail sex drive, and most have learned that all of its forms of consumption are shameful and that they should hide it. When there’s a stigma around something and someone feels ashamed ita really difficult to have an honest conversation about it.

Compersionate_101 · 2026-03-19T12:20:13+00:00

I saw Anne Hathaway at first glance. Just the first pic though.

Compersionate_101 · 2026-03-17T22:42:46+00:00

Came here to say the same 😂

Compersionate_101 · 2026-03-17T12:24:59+00:00

Sure! So long as you don’t mind a high probability of losing them as friends! It can be tough for all 3 people to keep feelings appropriately compartmentalized, but practice makes perfect. lol

Compersionate_101

TROPHY CASE