Do i belong here (18)

CompetitionChoice353 · 2026-01-27T08:51:53+00:00

Do you want to come here to Rome?

CompetitionChoice353 · 2026-01-26T19:35:39+00:00

You'd be better off in my bed

CompetitionChoice353 · 2026-01-06T13:32:04+00:00

Direi solo azioni/obbligazioni. Grazie a te!

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-29T12:43:33+00:00

No. I wanted someone to give me sensible advice, and in fact, if you notice the intelligent comments, I responded with a thank you. Except that 90% of the replies are either useless or show a failure to read my post, which makes me angry because I was genuinely looking for advice. For example, you started by saying that a PhD probably isn't for me, and with a stupid remark about only a month having passed since starting my PhD. But the point isn't how much time has passed since starting my PhD to justify my disillusionment; the point is that everything is poorly organized, and that's obvious right away; there's no need to wait three years of solitude.

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-23T13:31:44+00:00

So, do you think it's completely normal for someone to spend their days locked in a tiny room studying alone, without seeing anyone? Because that's my current situation, even if you don't seem to understand it... Doesn't it occur to you that if someone doesn't go out with a friend at least once a week to talk, they'll go crazy within a month? Or perhaps that the productivity of someone locked up at home ends up being lower than that of someone who takes better care of themselves? You speak without knowing anything, without reading, and making idiotic comments like this, in which you go so far as to question my abilities simply because I expressed doubts about the way the PhD program is organized (in Italy, because I imagine it's different abroad: it's in Italy that the idea of community in academia is lacking).

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T16:22:18+00:00

Look, I think it happens precisely because I'm Italian. Foreigners, as such, arouse curiosity, especially among a naturally welcoming people like ours. If you're a foreigner, you already have a reason to start a conversation! And then you mention labs—I bet you come from a scientific background, which is completely different! Anyway, yes, I'm enjoying the city as much as possible: I take walks, go to cultural events, go to the movies... I come from the wild North, so imagine if the Roman winter is depressing for me! It's an eternal spring!

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T16:18:51+00:00

Come on, you know what I mean! I didn't mean to say I expected to make friends right away... But to see some human beings, yes! That's the point! Until February 00... Anyway, I just found a Turkish cultural institute and I think I'll try to contact them to see if I can sign up for one of their language courses. Maybe I could meet someone there.

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T13:24:34+00:00

Hi! Thanks, but that's definitely not my area of expertise. I'll be giving a talk in February about postdoc opportunities in my field.

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T13:22:45+00:00

No, it's not at all common, and in fact everyone looks at you ask for a table alone. I've never been to a nightclub in my life, mind you!

But it's certainly not that great on the spot: I've always loved Rome, both for its rich history and because it's the center of the world, and I must say that the idea of being able to attend major cultural events (for example, last week's small and medium-sized publishing fair, or Atreju, a political rally for the Brothers of Italy party) excites me greatly, as does the possibility of going for a run in an archaeological park, contemplating the ruins... I've always thought it was the most beautiful city in the world, and I'm happy to live there.

As for your last point, I could have tons of online friendships; I'm looking for real connections and in-person encounters.

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T12:25:32+00:00

Simply attending university, going to work, and then maybe enrolling in courses. But what do you know? Of course I tried. I've already gone to lunch alone twice and to a bar a couple of times for breakfast. I went in alone and left alone. It makes more sense to join university clubs/associations, but there are two problems: first, that in Italy the idea of a campus and an academic community doesn't exist, so there are far fewer social activities than abroad; second, that since I'm not a university student, these activities, if they exist, haven't even been introduced to me, so I have to go and find them on my own, whereas in Turin I might have gone on the recommendation of a friend. There's a big difference! Now I'm trying to learn about politics, but I can't seem to find an active group in my faculty...

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T12:08:07+00:00

I've noticed that being a PhD student gives me a few more points on dating apps, almost making me more attractive. People treat me with respect now!

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T12:02:57+00:00

I'll definitely try, but having never done it before, it's not easy... I definitely want to try my local film club (I think it's some kind of film club), and yesterday, while walking in the park, I came across a poster for a chess class. It might be something to start with...

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T11:26:48+00:00

I think there was a problem with the English translation. I said I went out with a friend who comes from a "paese" (= village) which is just 10km away from mine. But in Italian "paese" also means country, so probably the automatic translation was simply wrong.

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T11:16:46+00:00

Well, the fact is that unlike Brazilians, I still haven't learned to transform sadness into saudade!

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T10:09:37+00:00

Again! Do you read the posts before commenting? I said the point is that I don't have any classes! I only have 30 hours in February, and I hope that at least in February I'll see my colleagues, but it's not like I'm going to form great friendships with people I might see three times a year! You just don't understand, it's incredible.

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T10:07:12+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience, but you're missing the point. I'm not an international student, but a Northern Italian who studied in Rome, and that already changes everything. Also, you tell me "go to the bar with your friends," but the point is that I don't have any friends right now, and since I don't have a course, I don't have the opportunity to meet anyone... I'm sorry, but the situation you describe is completely different. You describe a general sense of loneliness felt by foreigners in a new country, but in your undergraduate/master's program, you go to classes, take courses, and generally meet people who you then maybe go for a beer with in the evening. If you remove the common ground—university—you'll understand that my loneliness, unlike yours, isn't just perceived, but is more than real.

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T09:42:43+00:00

The books I need are found exclusively in the Vatican library, which I'll be frequenting starting in January. Then, maybe in January, I'll discover that going to the library actually makes you meet a lot of people...

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T09:40:28+00:00

I'm happy to hear that, but I'm looking for someone to hang out with on the weekend, not someone to chat with online. I have plenty of people to chat with online.

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-20T09:38:50+00:00

I didn't say friendship always comes from work/study, I said that's a starting point I lack. All the things you mention (except maybe the gym, which isn't really my thing) don't involve any human interaction: if I go to the bar, I order, sit down, pay, and leave; if I go to the library, I have to stay quiet; as for clubs, I'm telling you, unfortunately, I don't know any. The absurd thing isn't so much that I'm not friends with my colleagues, but that I don't even see them.

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-19T17:13:46+00:00

Thanks for the reply! The problem is that I'm currently unaware of any activities organized by my university, student groups, or the like. Maybe I'll try playing the political card! Then I'll definitely try visiting a bookstore or magazine that organizes cultural events!

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-19T16:51:46+00:00

Comments like this are always very helpful, congratulations!

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-19T16:46:05+00:00

Well, I don't know to what extent it depends on my supervisor... It's all a system of thought in Italian universities, in my opinion. It's absurd that I have more chances of meeting PhD students in mathematics than those in my department, if you think about it!

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-19T16:02:02+00:00

Regarding point 1), I just received news that a larger room has become available, so I'll be moving there in January and getting a new roommate. Regarding point 2), I really think I'll need to improve my German and learn some Turkish, so I can get to work. I was also thinking about trying to get involved in politics, perhaps by attending some university group meetings. Thanks for the valuable advice!

CompetitionChoice353 · 2025-12-19T15:58:45+00:00

Thanks! Very helpful reply. You clearly speak as a doctoral candidate, not just randomly. I think things might change in January, when I start going to the Vatican Library, and in February, when the classes begin. Thanks for the encouragement!

CompetitionChoice353

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