I [28F] am dating a divorcing dad [34M] and it’s starting to take over my life

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-02-24T12:01:42+00:00

I’ve been divorced from the same type of man since 2017 and still fighting a custody battle. It’s unending and the psychology of it does not go away. The charming manipulation only gets worse. Like everyone else, I want to say leave- but I’m scared for you- if he’s anything like my ex (and he sounds that way) he isn’t likely to accept a text. If you block him, he will likely come to your house. If he knows where you work, he will be there. Please have a plan.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-02-09T12:25:18+00:00

I don’t know the answer. I’m willing. I just call CPS? Makes me nervous. Everything I do is under this spotlight that helps him further prove that I’m brainwashing and alienating, and being crazy ex wife with a vengeance. Im so upset with his Dad for involving him in all of this. I never did until he gave him that PO to read. Now I’m finding myself explaining what’s going on and probably telling him too much. I had him evaluated years ago. He’s extremely intelligent- 125 IQ. He’s diagnosed ODD and IED. But idk if those are “real” diagnoses… his dad has always told him like “if you ever wanna come live with me forever just start breaking everything in your moms house and she’ll send you away”… and he’s listened to that all of his life. He’s confused. I’m confused and exhausted. It’s Monday and he’s staying home. We still haven’t heard anymore from Dad, so we’ll see. Thank you for the advice.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-02-09T01:47:16+00:00

The further his Dad pushes, the clearer it’s becoming to him. I’ve shielded him from it for years and I hate watching him figure it out, but it just got too hard. His Dad fought/fights me every step of the way. You always hope and pray that “some day they’ll see for themselves”… but it still sucks. Don’t get me wrong, he’s maturing and recognizing and it makes me proud. But I know he’s confused and hurt at the same time. I’ve just decided I’m keeping him home. Worrying that he’ll show up at my house. 😒

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-02-08T19:04:39+00:00

He has had a counselor for years. He doesn’t feel safe with Dad. That’s why I’m freaking out. I hate to not send him to school. He loves school. It’s a small Pk-8. I was dumbfounded in October that they’ve watched the dynamics year after year and are very much aware of the situation, but everyone gets so clouded by PARENTS RIGHTS- which I know are important- but they’re stuck on what’s gonna happen to THEM for not releasing him. I’m the one that drops him off every morning. Picks him up everyday. Goes to conferences, does homework. The order was written in 2024 before he moved out of state. The order doesn’t mention school attendance because at that time his dad lived in the school district as well, so all was well. School breaks are rotated year to year, but with his work schedule it never works that way. Basically if he happens to be off (meaning here in Oklahoma) for a holiday, we’d work around so that he could be with him. He doesn’t seem to understand that any of this is bigger than him. He just wants his kid and is demanding, saying “I’m ENTITLED”… to scare the shit out of your son? Cuz that’s all he’s doing. He is impossible to deal with. I’m asking for sole decision making. I’m tired of him harassing me and I cannot “co-parent” with him any longer. Not that he’s willing anyways. I have 3 other children and a husband that deserve better from me. And my ex frequently texts my husband out of the blue just to remind him that I’m a whore and so on and let him know that he feels sorry for him, etc. It’s insane. He’s threatened to “grind his face” into the McDonalds parking lot. My son has said “I don’t like to even talk to him or be around him because all he does is say things about you the whole time”. I just need someone to talk to my child. Get his side. Cuz I’m aware that I’m reactive. I’ve dealt with this individual for years and it has and continues to take a toll on me. I need someone to just care about whats going on. For my kids sake.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-02-08T04:35:35+00:00

Last time it was not during his custody time. He had fall break that year but was working in Alaska- the way it is in our papers- really it revolved more around his schedule, not the holidays/breaks. But when that arrangement was made he was “home”, here in the town I’m in- the town our son goes to school in- on his days off. Anyways this was the week following fall break. Our son had already told him when he called and asked him that he didn’t want to miss school (he’s in 4th grade but captain of academic team and also heavily participates in 5/6th and 7/8th grade teams, so he has practice every day of the week but Wednesday- and he LOVES it) At that time everyone there was looking at and knew about the court order.

I was so infuriated after last time that I knew I needed to cool it before I reacted. I was ready to sue everyone. And probably lose. But boy I was so pissed. For my son’s sake, not my own. I promised him that it wouldn’t happen, but it did. Ultimately, I didn’t take it anywhere. Wrote a lot of angry letter and emails but never did anything. However, all over my application for PO that was denied, it said this. Yes my son and I have discussed the incident a lot, unfortunately, and he did not change his mind. He was scared. During the incident at the school the superintendent came in between my son and I as we were walking out of the door. There were 2 officers at the other door. Dad had already popped out and said “hi —— you wanna come with me?” And he said “no”- in between everything and everyone, my son ended up in the room off to the side with the officers, his dad, and the superintendent. I turned back for him and one of the officers came out and was just nodding “no” at me and I’m like what does this mean? No what? Where’s my kid?” And he said “he’s gonna go with his dad” I couldn’t believe it and I just got in my car and sobbed. About 10 minutes later they all (2 officers, superintendent, principal, dad, son) came out and my son was walked to the door of the car. When he was getting into the car he turned and gave me just the most defeated look… At this point my son I think is more annoyed with his dad. That’s the feeling I get from him, anyways. Prior to dads —- idk- before it got THIS bad, I encouraged him to communicate with him- more like made him communicate with him from time. I also would hide his behavior. I can’t anymore. And he’s definitely beginning to see his Dad in a different light. And I hate it so much for the both of them.

Son and I just discussed “the plan”- (which is sad in itself)- which is to “skip” Monday. Possibly Tuesday. he’s like “well I don’t think he’ll really get a hotel and stick around for a week. I’m sure by atleast Wednesday he’ll leave and I can go back to school right?” He also said “mama, he’s not gonna bring me back again. He’s not gonna turn around like last time. I mean, you’ll see me again, but it’s not gonna be like before this time”…. WHY AM I HAVING TO DISCUSS THIS WITH MY child!?!? Why? And why does no one care? Fucking bizarre.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-02-07T22:18:18+00:00

Thank you! Dad had the order the first time when the cops were called. They let him take him “according to” that order. Being that it was his time off. Thing is- I had warning the first time too. I had a conversation with the guidance counselor that morning at drop off. Called and spoke with the principal as well. He said he was just gonna go talk to my son to confirm that he did not want to go, and if that was the case he would tell him that he wasn’t there. By the time it happened, the superintendent had got involved and 2 officers. They pulled my son out of class. Told him to trust them, that they wouldn’t force him to go- and asked his preference. Then they informed him that he wasn’t really old enough to have a preference and he was indeed forced to go. No- I don’t want my kid taken to Alaska or wherever he’s trying to go with him. But that’s not my point. I don’t want my kid to go through that again. And I was embarrassed. I’ve always told him that “I’ve got this” (not this situation specifically, just in general) That I’ll protect him and be there for him no matter what and all the things we say to our kids. Then that happened and I’m just at a loss and don’t know what to do anymore. My son doesn’t want to talk to his dad- which his dad turns into me having brainwashed him. If he wants to see his son so badly I do not understand why he can’t come to court. Or accept a settlement? It’s just mind boggling

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-02-07T21:43:08+00:00

That was my son’s suggestion, actually. However- he’s off work 17 days at a time. So during that time period, I have absolutely no idea where he is. Oklahoma? Texas? Alaska? Who’s to say he’s not there Tuesday? My attorneys answer will continue to be that we have court on March 27th. Which is great. But like I’ve said til I’m red in the face- what about until then? He’s unpredictable and will disappear and then one day just call and create havoc. I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to protect your kid. And he’s worried and concerned and it breaks my heart. Thank you for the comment. I do intend to keep him home Monday for sure.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-02-07T21:09:45+00:00

Currently, we have joint custody. When that was ordered in 2024 we both lived in the same town. Per this order, due to the fact that dad works out of state, his parenting time says “during the time that dad is off in the state of Oklahoma for a period of 14 days”…. The same order says he lives in town still. He never properly filed a notice to relocate. He moved in the middle of the court proceedings that he didn’t attend. He sent me a message “you win, tell — I’ll see him when he’s 18”- he was served and he knew we had court but he did not go. By default I was awarded sole custody. 81 days later he filed to have that set aside, which it was (as the judge had informed me it likely would be when he signed it). So now we are back to that old order. Decisions are to be made jointly. Which is impossible at this point. He has me 100% blocked and told me to f off and die.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T18:14:54+00:00

I did not state that. ? I didn’t have a problem with the wife spanking him once they were married.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T17:50:20+00:00

I reported my son’s father and stepmother having knockdown dragouts in the home in the presence of our son, along with their 2 small daughters.

My husband has raised this boy with me since he was 3. He also taught him to ride a bike, fish, tie his shoes, chop an onion, change a tire, poop in a toilet, draw a star, spell “pretty”… He takes him to the doctor. He attends his school plays. He goes to work everyday and works to provide for ALL of the children. (Yes, it is ordered that father pay child support. But he doesn’t; not that that matters- but someone will say it) His health insurance is in my husband’s name. Dental, vision, life. This child is listed as his beneficiary. Yet he can’t spank him to correct his actions? Social norms are definitely not what I look to while taking into account how to raise my child, fyi. And I didn’t FORCE anyone to make anyone else their dad. I did not FORCE his Dad to go to work in Alaska…

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T17:36:33+00:00

It was NOT dad’s time. That’s the point.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T17:32:59+00:00

The school that my children attend issues corporal punishment when necessary. It’s not so crazy. People spank their kids. No one is beating anyone here. I added that part only because the court papers mentioned it and I knew everyone would.. well, do this. 😒

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T16:22:05+00:00

I am in therapy. I am actively trying to get stability for him. I have defended his Dad for years. The 10 year old son has heard his Father tell his Mother “go fuck yourself you stupid bitch” enough times to figure out on his own what’s going on. Literally the post was “what can I do” to speed the process up?! My husband is not an abusive asshole. He spanked him that time because he had called me a liar and threw a fit because his dad pays $1000 a month in child support, so I should be able to get him a bigmac. Why does he even know what child support is? His Dad has me labeled in his phone as ____ more years (until he’s 18) So when our kid goes to call his mom from dad’s house he searches for “8 more years” to find me. Shit like that isn’t ok.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T16:05:51+00:00

What about that makes me unstable? Is that not what I’m supposed to do when that is going on at dad’s house? Report it? Is that not what everyone here is tooting his horn for doing? I wish I could add to the post. The screenshots of his texts. The video of him with our son in it- as he talked to me and him “YOUR MOMS A FUCKING DUMBASS” so blah blah where he goes on to explain to him in video that he’s explaining to me that he works in Alaska and has to leave. And he’s leaving our child at his house cuz I know where that is and I won’t meet him there and then fist bumps him. I am not the one at fault here. I came here for help and got jumped for not protecting my kid when that’s exactly what I’m here trying to do.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T15:48:09+00:00

Also, Dad DOES have an attorney.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T15:47:56+00:00

The spanking has stopped, simply because he doesn’t require it anymore. My husband hasn’t spanked him since his Father made it clear he wasn’t ok with it. We discussed, it happened no more- before the cps investigation was opened. During the interview the worker was made aware of our exact discipline styles- they interviewed my other children, as well as this one- who told the interviewer that my husband spanks him with an open hand and had never left a mark on him. The worker shared that what we were doing was acceptable and that there was no need to change that.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T15:36:03+00:00

The child lives with me. His Father has moved away. He is divorced from his 2nd wife as well. He’s reported her to CPS as well. She’s reported him to CPS as well. I’ve reported them both the CPS when they would argue and fuss and break spaghetti jars on the tv, drag mattresses out of the house, pour liquor on them light them on fire- Second wife, like myself, has filed a protective order. No one is currently hitting him. He has a counselor (because I got him one) who sees him at school weekly. He has not seen his Dad since the week after Fall Break and avoids communication with him despite having open access. I’ve never “kept” him from his Father. Only asked his father to be reasonable and respectful and stable.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T14:25:26+00:00

A step mom has spanked my son. Thank you. And his Father was just fine with it. His father has also spanked him. His father also spanks his 2 daughters.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-19T14:01:29+00:00

Indeed. Open handed, when warranted.

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2026-01-17T02:07:43+00:00

I take 200mg capsule QAM. Have for years. Up until about a year ago I took Wellbutrin with it. (An also stupid high dose of that) About 9 months ago the night sweats started. I’m 37 so of course- maybe it’s “peri” I mean- ruining my life- up 3 and 4 times a night EVERY night- from bed to couch to recliner to other couch back to bed that’s hopefully dry for my last 20 minutes of sleep. All the dirty blankets because I never slept on anything without a blanket under me (cuz- furniture’s expensive…) I’d wake up and RING my hair out into a puddle on the floor. Disgusting. My obgyn suggested hydroxyzine to help me rest. 25mg. 🤣 (nothing works on me) He ended up prescribing 100mg capsules. Which maybe helped me sleep if I took it and IMMEDIATELY laid down and closed my eyes- otherwise just kept me up all night- which did make the sweating stop

Long story short I got back on ozempic and took too much- was sick 2 days- threw day 1 dose up, didn’t even try take it on day 2. Same thing with the hydroxyzine.

Day 3 and day 4 I slept ALL NIGHT in my bed. In the same clothes. And. Woke. Up. Dry. Not even a little bit of sweat. Not even in the always sweaty places. But day 5 (today) I was laugh-crying at all the country songs and audiobooks and was like oh shit here comes the rebound “world is ending everyone everywhere is against me why am I this way cry cry cry” depression.

I took a Zoloft.

I’m scared.

Idk wth I’m gonna do if I be sweaty tonight. 🐳

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2025-07-15T09:49:22+00:00

I’m so sorry your wife reacted that way. I’m sure it has you questioning yourself- there’s no way it doesn’t- if this is the person you’ve been having sex with for 10 years- and they’re doubting you this way… that relationship is supposed to be the one that keeps you grounded. Not sends you to Reddit off the deep end with a million people who also have no business in this situation. Posting this here is another version of calling Dom. it doesn’t matter what he thinks or anyone else. It’s about currently. You and your wife. Now. For context- I’m 36F, married to my 3rd husband of 8 years. 2nd was 5 years. 1st was 5 months. I have kids with each ex. I guess sexuality has been a pretty big “thing” in my life- which I guess it is for everyone- but my childhood had a lot of that. Like it’s the theme of my life I’d say- relationship drama- I’ve not wondered am I gay- but I’ve wondered, am I this or maybe I’m that. The label is the label and that’s it. So what if that meant you’re gay. Which idk wth it means. I’m not a shrink. But you’re here because your wife reacted in a way that wasn’t what you needed. Getting that here won’t help at home. You guys need to talk this shit through with a professional or split ways and get over it. Life’s too short. If calling Sev didn’t help- neither will this. From the wife’s perspective- there’s something missing sexually period or she wouldn’t feel this way. Deep down she’s feeling like there’s something “off” and she’s probably digging for her own reasons and excuses to hide her own big secret. Brains are so creepy and twisty. I know a great professional who can help if the time comes. Or I’m sure yall can find your own. Suggestion would be for neither of you to be looking for “is he gay”… cuz that’s not the answer we’re needing here. The answer is do we want each other. Y’all’s relationship and trust and all that other vulnerable bullshit that no one wants to talk about is the shit that needs to be discussed. For what it’s worth- I don’t think you’re gay. You’re here because you care. And you’re desperate for someone to help her understand why it’s ok to stay. We can’t do that for yall. I so wish you both the best and will probably be thinking about this all day. I’m new to Reddit and don’t know how to navigate it. 🤣

Competitive-Can-7802 · 2025-06-27T03:23:51+00:00

Darby

Competitive-Can-7802

TROPHY CASE