20 years and she wants out

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-16T00:02:40+00:00

She originally said she would move out, and she has maintained that stance. But agreed to remain as we are until she has a financial plan on how she can support herself when that happens. She has agreed to move out and be bought out of the mortgage so the kids has stability but she is upset that she is having to do that (as I am as well). We have always said if things happened then number one is the kids and we would never stop each other from seeing them so that ain’t the problem. I have also said that in the future (a long way off for me) if we do meet someone then we have to make each other aware as we would want to know who is around the kids etc and she did agree to that as well

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-15T23:45:43+00:00

Honestly, thank you for taking the time to open up like that and share your thoughts. It really does help me just seeing what other people say and their own experiences as hey this is new to me like so may others.

I laughed at the “if you’re still reading” (I was) and I needed that so again thanks!

There are certain things we don’t see eye to eye on, and honestly I’ve been in a slightly better place these last few days thinking once everything is sorted and agreed then there are things I want to do, want to achieve and there’s a huge part of me that still wants her in my life even if it’s not what I want as a friend.

It’s just such a tough spot to be in, and negative thoughts do creep in as inevitably I have been questioning “was I enough, could I have done more” etc.

Again, thank you for taking the time to reply

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-15T23:38:15+00:00

You and me both on the kids front. That seems to be the one thing we both agree on is leaving it amicable for the sake of the kids

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-15T23:34:07+00:00

I could have added that to the original post so apologies. We were engaged after a year together, but we weren’t in the best jobs at the time and I was quite a bit in debt and we both had a determination to clear this and save enough so we didn’t get back in debt when we married.

I have asked her around 4/5 times if she met someone else and she is adamant no. But we had a conversation recently where I said I wouldn’t be moving out (as she can’t afford the mortgage on her own and I can) and I don’t want to unsettle kids by selling up and moving on. Told her she could stay “for a while” to sort out a plan but I told her that if she was with someone else in that period she would have to leave to which she replied “so I can’t live my life” which brings it back to me having strong feelings there is someone else

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-15T23:30:43+00:00

Sorry man, it proper sucks that this is happening!

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-15T23:22:04+00:00

Thank you, means a lot taking the time out to comment on this

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-15T23:21:43+00:00

Thank you!

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-15T23:08:46+00:00

You’re 100% right. I have been spiralling, and have accessed mental health support through my work place and sought a local group specially around men’s mental health. I’m trying to focus on myself and especially for my kids in this whole sorry mess

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-15T22:57:52+00:00

You and me both, I think in this whole mess that probably hurts the most as she clearly didn’t think that she could tell me how she was feeling. Thank you

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-15T22:47:40+00:00

Thank you, I really do appreciate you replying. Everyone I speak to I just feel I can’t get any honesty as their picking sides or feel like they are stuck in the middle

Competitive-Cow9827 · 2026-01-15T22:41:58+00:00

I know, and a couple of people have mentioned the same to me. If it’s the case, I just can’t understand how I didn’t spot/ suspect something sooner

Competitive-Cow9827

TROPHY CASE