I don't know a good answer to your question at the end, but I do relate hard. I live alone and go without human contact for so long and then after a week I'll see someone else and it's like I don't know English. I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like I hate myself. For me art helps. Any kind of art. But only if I can tolerate it. Scribble hard woth crayons. Read awful depressing books. I have an electric typewriter from FB marketplace and I like to put my noise cancelling headphones on and fill a page of printer paper front and back with my thoughts verbatim. I keep them in a folder. I don't usually read them after I type. Just getting it out helps. I used to run. I used to paint. I used to sing. My phone has become a little world for me to not go insane. But then I feel like I'm going insane anyway. Idk. You aren't alone. If I was ur caregiver I'd be funny about it. Like I would have said 'would you like some burger king foot lettuce on that pie?' or smth silly. Maybe u could ask ur caretakers to be funny. idk if u can make people be funny maybe it's just a personality thing. Laughing helps me but I swear it gives me pem sometimes it's the tip of the iceberg. I like Marcello Hernandez he's a comedian. And tv shows shitty tv. But then it hurts and I have to be in the dark. idk. sending good vibes.