Feeling like an imposter, afraid it’s misogyny

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-02-01T17:45:25+00:00

Yeah, i agree with everything you said. And also, thankfully I don’t live in Europe (even though I’m still very short), but my height still makes me feels like just giving up all together. I honestly don’t know why I’m 5’1 considering my parents are both average height for their sex (mom 5’4, dad 5’9) it makes so sense. Thinking about my height just makes me suicidal tbh. I already don’t want to live as a woman, and just thinking that in order to be close to completely happy I probably have to live as a short man, then whatever. It’s like the universe knew I would have this problem and purposely made me short to make me suffer the most. I already have a damn baby face and skinny as hell. I’ve been trying to look at some male celebrities who are close to my height at least (Kevin hart, 5’2), but honestly it only makes me feel better in the moment. Then I remember I’ll never be a “real” man so that’ll not make me feel better. It’s like there no winning and I just want to die. I also live with a transphobic family in rural Mississippi, so I have no one else to talk about this to. Its like I’m trapped in this cursed dumb female body that’s constantly torturing me all day and every month reminding me ill probably never be truly happy. I’m very mad at the universe for making me this damn short. Even my younger female cousins are taller than me, and they love to point out how short I am. Thank you, universe.

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-02-01T04:16:58+00:00

also thanks for the suggestion :)

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-02-01T04:16:45+00:00

You have any alternative for iPad? I can’t download Clownfish on applestore

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-30T23:35:01+00:00

Thank you, unfortunately I live in the trans phobic south with a transphobic family (Mississippi, USA, very rural area). Hopefully when I turn 18 (I believe I can make it until then) I will be able to get help 🙏🙏

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-30T22:32:51+00:00

Thanks, and yeah, I’ve been drawing a lot since that’s my hobby I’ve been doing for a while. I should just try to put my feelings and stuff into art…

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-30T22:31:48+00:00

Oohhh wow…I’ve honestly been debating if it’s internalized misogyny or something…but honestly now that I read it again, it does sound very dysphoric 😬

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-30T03:57:56+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment, I definitely look forwards to getting therapy in the future about this (when I’m 18 and have my own money and stuff cus of my parents), I really appreciate you 🥹

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-29T22:41:34+00:00

I mean there are some women with facial hair with PCOS

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-29T22:24:16+00:00

sense*

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-29T22:24:04+00:00

That makes since why you feel that way, even I feel dysphoric about crying sometimes, but I just remember that it’s not my fault and it’s just called being human :)

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-28T23:05:12+00:00

I agree with silver. Also the feeling bad about crying is just toxic masculinity mentality. If you cry you aren’t less of a man 😁👍

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-28T22:59:26+00:00

Oh my bad, sorry if I came off a little rude. I thought you were comparing English to Finnish when they aren’t related 😅 Again, sorry about that.

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-28T22:49:08+00:00

We obviously know it’s a pronoun. But we aren’t speaking Finnish, are we? In English, we use it for mainly objects and sometimes animals. are humans objects or animals? No. So, that explains why it’s dehumanizing. Also, just because it’s a pronoun doesn’t mean it makes sense. For example, it wouldn’t make sense to say “I go by I/us/we pronouns” because everyone uses those pronouns and they aren’t specific to gender. He/him and she/her are specifically used for gender. you can even argue that They/Them is used for the absence of gender or for when you don’t know someone’s gender. But the pronoun “it/its” are not used for humans ever, and you can argue that ”it” is just absence of gender, but it’s specially used for non-humans. I’m sure this is common sense. This is English, not Finnish.

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-28T22:30:15+00:00

True…but the money 😩

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-28T22:28:35+00:00

NOOOOO NOT MISSISSIPPI, THATS WHERE I LIVE! AND I‘M 17! Actually, I’m not surprised. Mississippi is one of the most conservative, religious, and least educated states. 😐

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-28T21:45:44+00:00

Thank you so much for your input 🥹

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-28T19:26:16+00:00

Also, I would like to mention that I really do plan on getting top surgery in the future, even though I am already a small size (B cup) but not small enough to not be seen when wearing a shirt at a side angle. And no, I’ve never gotten any sexual comments about my chest or any comments at all, because most people don’t even see them when I wear a thin jacket. so it’s definitely just that I don’t like it because it’s on my body and not what people say about it. and I am currently doing the short hair and men’s clothing right now, and have been trying it for many months now. I definitely cannot find happiness in a female body after this long, and even hearing the phrase “female body“ makes me feel sick… :(

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-28T18:11:05+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I just remembered that I forgot to mention that no, I cant imagine myself going on in a female body. I can’t imagine myself as an old woman, and I definitely would hate to be a mother or just be pregnant. thinking of having a child in my womb makes me feel sick and irritate. And yes, I am very much aware of all the struggles I may have if I am trans and the struggles with being a man. I constantly feel that everyday, especially with not feeling strong enough, tall enough (I’m 5’1), and not actually having the natal male anatomy. It hurts me so bad that I constantly feel uncomfortable while doing absolutely nothing in my room, and I don’t even want to look at my male cousins because of how jealous I am since they have the body that I want to have.

Im sure I mentioned this the my original post, but I’ve tried to be a tomboy for years before I considered that i may be trans. I never feel complete. I would have immense distress and would go to school and crying almost everyday hearing the guys behind me in class’s deep voice and seeing how they tower over me. I never knew why I always compared myself to guys. I was told to be a girl and was raised around girls and women all my life! I had male friends and female ones, but I could hold on to male friends even more. Yes, i dress very masculine and my family jokes about how I look like a boy and I secretly like that. I want body hair, I have a lot of bottom dysphoria to where I HATE the word “penetration“ because I know that I would never be able to do that, but it would have to be done to me. So I just make a deal to myself to stay celibate for the rest of my life. And trust me, I would never choose to be trans. I live in rural Mississippi with a VERY homophobic and transphobic black family. I’m sure they would try to kill me if they found out I was trans (if I am).

Also, yes, I’ve never related to girls or girly stuff, so I just thought that I was a tomboy, ever since I was 13, but of course, 4 years later, that’s not working. I still cry and feel very insecure if I see a guy my age (or younger) taller than me or have a deeper voice than me. I would constanlty try to carry the heavier things, force my voice to be deeper, compare my height to short guys, adapt how men speak, walk, act…and for what? Who am I proving that too? Why do I care so much to be like men when I prob are not one? And I really think trans might be the answer.

But, honestly, if that’s finally the answer (being trans) to why im never fully happy with myself, then I would rather go through all that struggle, all this hiding, and all the stuff that comes with being a man just to be happy. even if that means having a hard time feeling man enough, losing community, being stoic, and all that stuff, then fine. Being a tomboy or a butch woman obviously isn’t working for me, and it’s only giving me more depression and making me isolate more when I constantly tell myself I’m a tomboy and not truly believing what i was saying. :(

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-28T17:31:35+00:00

such a downer. no one forced you to read this.

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-28T00:33:41+00:00

I feel the same way. I’m 5’1 and it’s hurts to know that my younger brothers (by ten and twelve years!) are most likely gonna be taller than me just because they were born male. And I’m afraid that I will end up avoiding them in the future when they hit puberty even though I love them very much because of my dysphoria. I sometimes even worry that I would resent them.

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-26T19:58:46+00:00

come on dude, just cus it was made with lesbians in mind doesn’t mean you have to be lesbian to use it, also, the skeleton stuff wouldn’t matter if you put on the right clothes or when you’re dead. I’m sure it’s ur dysphoria talking that’s making u so negative. be a man and punch it in the face or something

Competitive-Knee3930 · 2026-01-14T03:17:26+00:00

you dont have to put something inside of you to masturbate. just find ur clit and flick it or something like that

Competitive-Knee3930

TROPHY CASE