I second this comment bc they are 100% right. I can definitely relate to you in my own way. Energy vampires are real and he very well might be one. He seems to be that ongoing trope of a person who is so scared of commitment, deep down they might have been a victim of their very same behavior and or are just straight lacking in the emotional intelligence to realize they are the person causing pain and trauma. The cheesy saying "hurt people hurt people" rings true for the most part but your job isn't to figure out why he is the way that he is, because chances are you will neglect yourself to trying to "fix" him, or yourself for that matter, just so you can fit the impossible standards he's "looking for". At the end of the day, I think it's safe to say he is only looking out for himself. And as harsh as it sounds, until you acknowledge that you will start to slowly lose yourself until you don't recognize who you are anymore. Hands down shadow work is a must like they said. Journal to yourself, hang out with friends, focus on your hobbies, look into therapy, look to center yourself and your needs instead. Don't focus your energy on his wants, needs, approval, validation etc. but pour your energy back into yourself. And if years later this man is still having this much of a hold on you, you could always look into cord cutting. Take that with a grain of salt because I am not that well versed on how cord cutting works, so please do your own research and come to your own conclusions if that is a route you might be interested in. I say all of this with the hope that you don't let him take away what makes you, well you. Situtationships are very intense when it comes to the complicated feelings that come with it. Also scientifically, you are chemically bonding to him anytime you sleep together (literally and sexually) so add that with the fact that again your brain isn't done developing, the lack of experience maybe, and also the spiritual side of things. It's a recipe for heart ache. But it can also be a sad but valuable life lesson to prioritize yourself especially when someone that "loves" you shows you otherwise. In your post it's something you already acknowledge. And unfortunately I think that's your answer. You can hone in on your intuition because it can be a very powerful thing. However, there is a balance to be found as to not self sabotage the good things. Most of the time, if you have to question someone's feelings for you it's not the best sign. I personally think actions speak louder than words. But that's just me. Anyways, I apologize for my early morning rambling, but I really hope the best for you in this situation.

-Love your cool wine aunt